My First, My Last, Not Mine Anymore (Snugglesafe)

Member Name: chatterbox1986

Product:	Snugglesafe
Date:	28/02/07 (101 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: you get to read my first review

Disadvantages: quite a sad story

Roughly two and a half years ago I was sat in my local pub, The Three Horseshoes with my sister, Naomi, her new boyfriend, Matt and his brother Caleb. We were all playing pool together, Caleb and I were talking about the vehicles we drove, he had silver Renault Kangoo and I had I had a blue Ford Fiesta. We seemed to be getting on very well considering we had only just met. The next day Matt was in the pub with my sister, they had both had too much to drink so Matt asked me to give him a lift home. All the way to his home, where he lived with Caleb, he kept telling me how much Caleb liked me, I had never really had any luck with men so I didn't believe him. I went up to their flat with my sister and Matt to see Caleb but he was in bed, fast asleep. Matt told me to go in his bedroom and wake him up, he kept telling me that he wouldn't mind but I was unsure and a bit scared. Matt ended up going in to wake him, he told Caleb I was there and that he should get up to come and see me, Caleb didn't believe him till I poked my head around the door and proved that I was there. I have never seen anyone get up and dressed so quickly. I stayed in their flat for a couple of hours just talking and getting to know Caleb.

I eventually went home but not for long. Matt and Caleb invited me and my sister up to their flat for dinner the next evening. Matt cooked us chicken fajitas, I had never had fajitas before so didn't know how to wrap or hold them, I got in such a mess trying to eat them but that broke the ice a bit. When we had finished dinner we watched a film. There had no sofas in their living room, just huge leather bean bags. Matt and Naomi shared one and Caleb and I shared one. Matt and Caleb never had the heating on in their home, I was freezing and had uncontrollable shivers. Caleb offered me a cuddle to warm me up. It was so nice, I don't think we actually watched the film, we were just flirting the whole time. Eventually Caleb moved in towards me and kissed me very gently. It was then that I realised just how much I liked him. Since that evening I didn't leave. We were together all the time, as you do in a new relationship.

We started meeting each others friends and family. He had already met my parents previously in the pub but didn't know them very well, he started come round my home for dinner. He got on very well with my mum and dad, even did a bit of work with my dad. Caleb's mum Pauline and step dad Tony lived in Wiltshire with one of his sister's Emma, so it took a while for me to meet them however his dad Allan and step mum Tricia lived in the same town as Caleb so I met them, they seemed to like me instantly which was good. I met Caleb's other brother Jason, his wife Lindsay and their beautiful daughter Hannah, Sam, one of his sisters, and his step brother Simon. I finally met Pauline and Tony who I liked very much and then shortly after I met Emma, her partner Terry and their lovely little boy Joshua.

Obviously over time our feelings grew stronger for each other. I remember waiting until I thought Caleb was asleep one night when we were cuddled up in bed to tell him that I had never felt the way I felt about him and that I thought I was falling in love with him. He didn't say anything back just squeezed me closer to him. I had never smiled so much. It took him a while but he eventually told me he loved me. Like probably everyone's first love I truly believed we would get married, have children and live happily ever after, I couldn't bare to think about life without him.

Caleb started going to church with Jason and Lindsay, I went with him a few times although I didn't understand much of it I went to support Caleb. A group of people from the church, including Caleb went away for a weekend. I missed him so much. When he got back he seemed different, he kept reading parts of the bible out to me, which really confused me. We sat in bed till late talking about him weekend and watching a bit of tele, an advert for Alicia Keys' song, "If I Aint Got You" came on, during this advert Caleb turned to me and told him that he loved me but as much as he had tried to make his heart feel the same as his head he weren't in love with me. I had never felt pain like it, my heart collapsed and tears just flooded my eyes. I cried all the way home and all that night, I couldn't believe it. My heart had been broken for the first time on my life.

Caleb went away to stay with his mum for a few days to clear his head and as hard as it was I didn't text or call him once. I thought id try giving him time to miss me. It must have worked, On Sunday 13th Feb when he come home he phoned me and asked me to go to the flat the next day for dinner and to talk, I tried so hard not to get my hopes up but just after he said bye and before he hung up the phone he said "I Love You" My heart rebuilt itself almost instantly, I was so happy and excited about the following evening.
I went to the local butchers and got 2 of their nicest looking steaks to cook for our dinner. I had bought Caleb a watch which I took to his with me.

Finally the time came to go and see him. It sounds silly but I was so nervous. It turned out that he wanted us to get back together, it was February 14th!!!! Valentines Day!!! I was totally made up.
We agreed not to spend as much time together as we thought that might have been the problem before. That didn't last very long, we were back to seeing each other everyday.

It got to his birthday so I paid for him to fly a small air craft from Lydd Air Field. He really enjoyed that. On the evening of his birthday he got extremely drunk and ended up falling asleep on my arm while I was trying to drive us home. I wasn't drinking that evening. He lived on the sea front, when we finally got home he wanted to sit on the stones, listen to the waves crashing against the stones and stare up to the stars. We were sat on the freezing cold stones at the beginning of December for 2 and a half hours before I finally managed to get him up the stairs and into bed.

A few happy months later I started feeling like we should have some time apart, only a few days. On the Thursday that we saw each other after the days apart he was so excited to see me but for some reason I just weren't in the mood. It was that night that I told him I didn't love him anymore. I have no idea why I told him that as I did and still do love him with all my heart.

For weeks Caleb would phone me in the middle of the night, at the time it was just annoying as I had work and didn't want anyone to know our business. Now I realise that was him trying to get me back. I was such a fool for not listening to him. Now it's too late.

Obviously I still have contact with Caleb as my sister will be marrying his brother this year. I will never get the chance to really get over him as he will be in my family.
It's hard knowing that my sister sees him fairly regularly and that he doesn't really want to see me.

Jason and Lindsay had another baby, they called him Archie, and he was and still is such a lovely little boy. Jason and Lindsay go out of their way to not let me see Hannah and Archie that hurts as they called me their Aunty Sian which always made me smile.
Emma and Terry had another baby too. They called her Tejeda, she is the most beautiful little girl ever, and she still calls me Aunty Sian. I am good friends with Emma which is nice but sometimes very hard, as you can probably imagine.

I will never stop loving Caleb. Nothing compares to him.

Thank you for reading, I hope it didn't make you cry as much as it did me while I wrote it. xx

Summary: I believe you never stop loving your first true love