How to rule a house. (Siamese)

Member Name: mpeh

Product:	Siamese
Date:	08/09/01 (134 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Easy life

Disadvantages: Roads, Training can be arduous, Teamwork can be difficult

Pay attention, as I rank more highly I am taking the opportunity to write first. The method by which I am transferring this into type it is not necessary for you to know. My brother and myself chose our family when they came to visit us with our mother. On taking advice we chose people who had been partially trained already as it's cuts the work load down. When we arranged the pick up we listened in on the journey and weren't too appalled when they named my brother Pippin, a good sensible (by their standards) name. Then they called me Mustard. Oh well it's one of the risks I suppose. Anyway in order to punish them for their oddly chosen names instead of getting out and exploring as they expect we immediately hid ourselves on hunger strike down the back of the chest of drawers in the leaders' room. Obviously they tried to tempt us out by being welcoming and seeming 'safe' and by waving food at us, what do they think we're like?

Anyway after what seemed an appropriate length of time, about a week, long enough for them to feel punished but not so long as for them to become bored and the punishment to wear thin, we emerged. We had also provided ourselves with plenty of time to plan our operations. We decided that keeping in verbal contact all the time would convince them of our intelligence. Mother had advised us that they will assume that they are more intelligent than you no matter what and that there are two courses of action to take: Firstly you can ignore it totally and let them live in their own little world, stretching this it can even be a good technique for passing blame as when something occurs and you have to act they will ignore the possibility it could have been you, I mean they simply don't believe you are capable. The second option is to convince them that you know what you are doing so as they are on guard against antics all the time. This presents a slight challenge every now and then and can be stimulating. We
decided, partly from the rashness of youth, that we needed them to think we were intelligent. Thus we talked aloud as we 'explored' the room. In general when you have decided upon an approach it is best to stick to it even when you are weary and wish to just settle in. It will convince them that you have 'character' and this is definitely worth doing.

We gradually expanded our area of operation to cover the whole house and were most pleased to discover that the previous owner had had them install a personal door at the back to allow easy access to the garden and roofs. Like my mother said unless you want a real challenge try to find someone who has been partially trained already. The garden came as a blessing to us as it would allow us to drop the facade of nervousness and relax a little. Obviously upon returning to the house we would have to take up the act. To our dismay they seemed to be intent upon not letting us outside until we appeared less nervous. When presented with this kind of dilemma don't panic. If you are not alone consult with your team members and remember not to get too excited. The pair of us decided that the best option was to fast track the nervousness ploy so as to remain convincing but to speed up their trusting us enough to go outside and have free run of the house. The other result of this of course is that you will not have a litter tray indoors, now I personally prefer the natural approach but this can be inconvenient when the weather is bad. Overall though it has to be worth having a run of the garden at the cost of a litter tray.

The deputy of the house made us a toy, it provided us with a good place to sit and a particular place to sharpen our claws. Obviously we wanted them to think that we wanted to sharpen our claws elsewhere but to be honest the toy was a good investment. If you feel the need of something like this then gradually implant the notion in their heads. Sharpen your claws when they c
an see you on things they find useful. Try to avoid things they find precious. As a tip try to use fabric as opposed to wood. The bottom step of carpeted stairs is a good one as it's easily noticeable but not too damaging. Gradually build up the intensity of sharpening until they get you a toy designed for the purpose. Warning: Don't make a miraculous turn around when the toy arrives, go through the motions of 'learning' that this is where you are supposed to sharpen your claws. Obviously integrate this into your general approach, if they are convinced you're the cleverest cat they've ever seen then the swift jump to the toy will be ok but if you are slow and just a silly pet take time to adjust them to the idea of you knowing where to sharpen your claws.

Roads: Unfortunately I doubt this will get passed on to many of those who need this. When you are younger you are impetuous, I recognize it now and to be honest most of it recognise it then, it's one of the reasons we are. Anyway the road is dangerous. Very very dangerous. We must learn about it but the only way to do that is to take the risks and put yourself through the danger. Learn to recognize the sound of the cars, this is useful for two things, firstly surviving the road and secondly to know when your people are home after a day at work or out of the house. Sadly my brother Pippin was run down at the age of about 1 year just outside our house on the road. The people have a saying: If they live to 2 then they've learned. Of all the things they say this is one of the most accurate, if we have learned to survive in the first two years of a road then we will know how to cope. Be careful; I lost my brother, it could have been you.

Bereavement: If, like me, you suffer a loss be strong. One of the best things for you to do is to engage yourself in helping your family through it. They will also be suffering and won't expect you to be suffering the same amount. If
you have them trained well they will know that you are in pain but, 'knowing' that they are higher beings than you they well expect you merely to be confused and lonely. Although you may be surprised at the time to think of it, if you are left as the only cat when you are used to having a team member with you then suggest to them slowly that they could buy another cat. The technique for this is more difficult, look lonely, do things that you usually did as a pair or team, generally make them feel that you, and they, need another member of the team. I didn't do this, I didn't want a team member to replace my brother I wanted to rule the house on my own. People being people they went out and bought a pair of babies.

This raises an interesting point: Don't expect 100% success. No matter how well trained your people are they will sometimes do things against your wishes. When this happens, recognise that there was nothing you could have done and accept it. Don't try to change things and don't berate yourself for the failure, no one is perfect, not even you.

I was horrified when these two kittens got out of the basket and started prowling around my house. Although it is difficult to let my dignity down so far I must admit that their approach in the face of a hostile adult cat (myself) was marvellous. They got out of the basket and instantly took over the house. I will now pass over to my esteemed team member Oliver to recount their tactics.
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I am the lazy one. Yes. We were named Roland and Oliver, my brother and I ad , as you have read we deemed no punishment necessary for these relatively sensible names. We arrived at a house with an owner as we had expected. He was hostile but that was, to be fair, due to the recent loss of his brother to the road. We decided upon the 'We are in charge now' approach but slightly misjudged it and resulted in them merely thinking that our actions were cute. Like Mustard and h
is brother before us we decided upon verbal communication to show them that we also could talk to each other. Unlike our predecessors we met up to talk, we roamed a little way away from the basket and then returned to talk. Remember humans can't hear what you're actually saying and will tend to place meaning over the top. This is useful.

I have only a brief word to say on general training, Mustard has, expectedly, done a very good job of telling you the rest. I have taken what I am told is a novel approach: I don't treat with the people very much, Mustard is loud at them and they like it, they are convinced he is more intelligent than me by a long way, in fact they are convinced that I am stupid. By cultivating this and running away as if scared every time anything remotely out of the ordinary happens I have secured myself peaceful days of lounging on the central heating system undisturbed by the people as they don't wish to frighten me. If you are more active and wish to play with your people then this is probably not the avenue to take. I also pretend to have an appalling memory, one of the people goes to a place called 'university' and returns months later, I pretend I have no idea who he is and then grow to like him again and when he goes away pretend not to notice. This makes them think I am 'cute' a useful thing from my approach.

The other thing I have managed to cultivate is that I don't like being fussed for a long time. This means that I can come in, be fussed whenever I feel like it and then leave when the whim takes me. Be warned this means that the people probably value Mustard more highly than myself but this is a price for the added freedom I get. It is worth getting to know the likes and dislikes of your team members and working together to ensure the best life for you both.

As Pippin, Roland was run down by the road at the age of nearly one year. Mustard helped me through it. Beware roads
.
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Thank you Oliver for his almost unique approach, it makes my life easier. We work well as a team as we want different things from our people, we fit together well and run the house efficiently. Oliver and Roland accepted me as Boss and then everything went smoothly. The tragedies of Pippin and Roland will not be forgotten.

When your people go on holiday they may leave you in the house with other people to feed you, or they may take you to a cattery. Accept either. Be aware that being taken to a cattery is a sign of love and that they wish to protect you, this is merely them being feeble and unable to accept the consequences of leaving you alone for a week or two. Whichever option they plump for be sure to make clear that you are cross with them on their return. Follow them around for a while and appear agitated any time anyone appears to be packing, or leaving for more than twelve seconds. This will convince them that you are aware of the fact that they left and that you love them and want them around.

All in all take care of your people, work together with your team members old or new and respect them. Beware Roads.

Thanks to Cobweb the owner before us who trained the people so well.
***

As you can see, life in my house is ruled by two masters of feline superiority. My parents have had cats longer than they've had me and I've had a cat all my life apart from one period of three months between Cobweb and Mustard where we had to have no cats as Cobweb died of Cat leukaemia which may be viral. Basically this is a review to say that cats are great.

And no I don't think I'm clever doing this, I know that it's a rip off of Paul Gallico's book but that's not a crime is it?
Cheers, Matt

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