They're coming to take me away HA HA! (Leeks)

Member Name: dave27

Product:	Leeks
Date:	13/06/01 (137 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: They're hidden underground for the most part

Disadvantages: An icy grip on your entire being

As far as irrational fears and phobias go, my morbid and very deep rooted loathing of all things rootlike (i.e. VEG, but I shudder to use the word, it reminds me of middle class women crowding into packed market stalls and rushing away branding a foul smelling cauliflower, so I will refrain from the word, if you have no objection) is a pretty weird one...

I don't know what it was, I was going along at about six or seven minding my own business, enjoying getting my gold stars for coming top in a spelling test, when the thorny question of school dinners reared its oh so ugly head above the parapet and wound its spiteful fingers into my happy little life.

For some reason, the pink overalled race of weirdoes known as 'Dinnerladies' had a very strange way with much of the food there (apart from chocolate shortbread and peppermint custard, I seem to recall) and they had an extremely tortuous methodology of rendering the thingy (you know what I mean) positively nuclear in its ability to wipe out whole races of people.

The days I spent dreading the approach of the ultimate deterrent of CABBAGE filled me with dread and even now strike a dull and unholy terror deep within my very being.

From that time on until this very day, I have had a deep and unyielding hatred for vegetables (whisper it soft) and all their works ... and so I come my friends to the Prince of Darkness - the LEEK!!!!

Now, when wielded in jovial fashio by Max Boyce as he screams Oggy Oggy Oggy, the leek is a lot less horrific, but laid out on your plate, or worse still half hidden within leek and pork sausages or leek soup they have the propensity to drop a man at fifty paces.

There have been times where I have found myself physically retching at the very sight of the unholiest of vegetables and it makes me writhe uncomfortably in my seat even now as I consider their misshapen and oh so evil form, apparently smooth and unyielding on the utside,
but in reality masking that lined sort of skin (the same stuff you get with onions) which is all set to leap upon you and steal your week's housekeeping...

Look, I'm reaching the point now where I'm starting to feel a little queasy and very very uneasy at the thought that Mr Leek even now awaits my presence with a spiteful resolve, so I'm going to have to go ... if you've not cottoned on as yet, I DON'T MUCH CARE FOR LEEKS.

(Of course, Mrs D will have read this very secret little scribble and will be biding her time until Sunday when she can unleash the unbridled power of La Leek upon me. Think of me as you eat your spuds...

Summary: