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Doctor Who: The Eternity Clock (PS3)

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Genre: Arcade & Platform / Video Game for PlayStation 3 / Suitable for 12 years and over / ESRB Rating: Teen / Release Date: 2012-05-25 / Published by Sony

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      26.09.2012 02:14
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      I'd rather watch that bloody Peter Kay episode than replay this.

      The world is crying out for a decent Doctor Who game and it isn't going to get one. Not until the licence is given to a competent game developer. A competent developer would be competent enough to competently realise that no one involved with a TV show should be allowed near the competent development of a competent game*. Great television writing doesn't correspond to great videogame writing and great TV writing has absolutely no idea what fun gameplay is. When I think Doctor Who game, I think of adventure, space exploration, maybe even horror. The developers at Supermassive games thought '2D platformer'.

      You play as the Doctor and occasionally River Song, jumping through a bunch of boring, uninspired levels set in exciting locations like warehouses and bland ship interiors. The use of bland settings is because Supermassive games were limited in their level design choices to oh I don't know the entire universe and anything your imagination can come up with, so you can see why they just HAD to have a level set in a freaking warehouse.

      'Puzzles' never get more inspired than 'push crate to other side of room to reach higher platform', so we finally get a Dr Who game that feels like time travelling, as level design and puzzles like that were last seen as fun somewhere around 1989. Occasionally you'll use the sonic screwdriver to open doors (these parts of the game really capture the intoxicating thrills of opening a door) and River has a rubbish gun which you can use on enemies to completely miss the point of a science fiction franchise about pacifism. A few enemies from the TV show crop up to do nothing interesting, but not as many as you'd expect.

      Supermassive games did however make a new crap enemy of their own unique to their crappy game. For some reason they weren't interested in using more of the hundreds of iconic enemies from the series instead, unnecessary further proof that they were a particularly dumb choice for development of a Doctor Who game.

      The game looks rubbish, which is at least consistent with the rubbish gameplay, unlike the decent voice acting. Matt Smith and Alex Kingston both reprise their roles and do a decent job but listening to sound bites from two decent actors doesn't make for a good game OMG LIKE NO WAY.

      The story is worse than Curse of the Black Spot, so there goes the last possible reason to play this game, Doctor Who fan or not. Oh look, it's the first in a planned trilogy. Watch the TV show and pray Bioware somehow gets its hands on this licence before silence falls on the chances of us ever seeing a game worthy of the brilliant TV show. Ha ha! Did you spot my clever reference to 'silence falling' a recurring arc in the TV series!? I live alone.





      *If you think my hilarious repeated use of the word competent isn't a hilarious jape and is in fact a cynical not at all hilarious way of padding out the also not hilarious required dooyoo review word count then you couldn't be more wrong. These sentences however, obviously are. How hilarious!

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