As We Say in Our House - Nigel Rees

I've mentioned before that my family has an uncanny talent for mangling the English language. My father's speciality is Spoonerisms - to him, damp days are caused by a combination of "mog and fist" and an attempt at bird watching was once disturbed by a very noisy "scoop of trouts". He has asked for a pint of "semi-skilled mink" in a supermarket, and once enthused for ages about an agricultural show at which he had seen a splendid performance by the "Royal Arse Hortillery". My husband, on the other hand, favours mixed metaphors as a means of communication. All too often we find ourselves "Up a gum tree without a ...