Yum yum, pigs bum! (As We Say in Our House - Nigel Rees)

Member Name: nikkisly

Product:	As We Say in Our House - Nigel Rees
Date:	02/01/02 (1113 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Interesting

Disadvantages: Not as funny as it might have been

I've mentioned before that my family has an uncanny talent for mangling the English language. My father's speciality is Spoonerisms - to him, damp days are caused by a combination of "mog and fist" and an attempt at bird watching was once disturbed by a very noisy "scoop of trouts". He has asked for a pint of "semi-skilled mink" in a supermarket, and once enthused for ages about an agricultural show at which he had seen a splendid performance by the "Royal Arse Hortillery". My husband, on the other hand, favours mixed metaphors as a means of communication. All too often we find ourselves "Up a gum tree without a paddle" or "Hoist by our own petangs", or even "Close - but no banana!" We also have another relative, (who shall remain anonymous for fear of reprisals), who is a proper Mr Malaprop! To him, any suggestion that meets with his approval is a "Good ideal!" while any that don't are termed a "Catastropoff!"

If I have an annoying habit with the Queen's English, it's the all too frequent use of daft sayings. For example, I've been known to utter the immortal words "I'm so hungry, I could eat a scabby dog between two bread vans!" or, as an exclamation of extreme surprise, "Well, b****r me backwards and call me Norah!" I have no idea where these phrases originated - sadly, neither, it seems, does Nigel Rees.

Rees is an author and broadcaster, perhaps best known for his BBC radio show "Quote...Unquote" and for his frequent guest appearances on Channel 4's Countdown. A regular feature of the long running "Quote...Unquote" is the inclusion of domestic catchphrases, the kind of idiosyncratic and personally significant utterances that continue to be used within families for generations. These form the basis of his book "As We Say In Our House".

Described on the cover as &
quot;...shamelessly nostalgic and warmly humourous..." this is a collection of "popular expressions... personal mottoes, nonsensical riddles, peculiar proverbs and 'nannyisms'"

I bought this book (and, indeed, it's companion volume "Oops, Pardon, Mrs Arden") in an effort to finally settle a long-standing family argument. I originally come from the Midlands where, according to my father, there is a particular expression that was - and still is - in common everyday use. (I would be prepared to believe him, were it not for the fact that he is the only person I have ever heard use it!). It refers to things that are neither one thing, nor another - neither fish nor fowl, you might say. According to Dad, such things are "Neither A***hole nor Watercress!" As you might guess, this is another saying that doesn't feature in Mr Rees' book, although there are plenty that do.

Some of the sayings appear to be true family originals. Contributor George Goldsmith-Carter recalls being told by his grandmother as a child "You are like the man on the beach with a worsted nose who has never seen the sea." If young George were to be observed doing something stupid, his uncle would remark to his grandmother "You are making a real Margaret Makon of that boy." Who, George wonders, was Margaret Makon? Was she indeed a real person and, if so, what did she do? Another family always used the term "Doing a Gore" for having to perform any onerous task that they didn't particularly relish. The identity of "Gore" remains a mystery to this day. One phrase seems to have come into being when a harassed mother, frustrated at her children's greedy thefts from the fruit bowl, indignantly proclaimed "Apples don't grow on trees!"

Other sayings have more recognisable roots. The observation that each of us "has to eat a peck of dirt before we die" was firs
t recorded in 1639, although with slightly different wording ("ashes" rather than "dirt".) As you might expect, others have been bastardised from Shakespeare, Dickens or other historic writers.

Some expressions seem to be regional. The likening of a person to " a bit of egg on a shovel" (said as a compliment) is said to originate from the Midlands, while "all over the place like a madwoman's knitting / custard / lunch box / s**t / underclothes" are variations of a saying that appears to stem from Australia.

Sometimes there are arguments as to the origin of phrases. "It's a bit black over Bill's Mothers!" is one that I remember well from my Leicestershire childhood. It describes dark clouds in the distant sky and is an expression that I still use to this day. Rees includes claims from various people about this particular piece of nonsense. A Leicester man believes he was present at its conception in the 1920's, although radio programmes have attributed its origins to both Kent and Sussex. A Mr Day, now living in New York, recalls its frequent use by his mother who was from Derbyshire, whereas a Reverend P.W.Gallup from Winchester reckons to have traced it's use in 11 different counties and, according to him, that usage precludes its alleged first known appearance in Leicester.

Rees has compiled a wealth of sayings, many of which will be familiar to his readers no matter what part of the country they call home, and their origins are intriguing. The book is well laid out, with each phrase printed in bold type followed by an explanation of its usage and possible origin. (These explanations often contain further gems, obviously not thought to be sufficiently entertaining or popular to merit their own bold type headline.) Dotted throughout are caricature illustrations, although I've been unable to discover the name of the illustrator since he/she does not appear to have
been credited anywhere in the book.

However, to paraphrase my Dad, I felt that the book was "Neither A***hole nor Watercress!" It appeared to be loosely divided into two types of saying - those that are in common, everyday usage ("Somebody got out of the wrong side of the bed today") and those that are more idiosyncratic, special only to a very small number of people ("Botty with no drawers on!"). The sayings from the former group were mostly explained beautifully, although, on occasions, I would have liked a little more detail than "this was in existence by the 18th century" which told me very little about the phrase in question. The sayings in the latter group were almost without exception less amusing than they might have been - I would hazard a guess that this was because they were taken out of context. Maybe they were just too personal, but many, I felt, were over-explained to try and ensure that the reader managed to get the joke.

As a serious investigation of the folklore of the English language, this book falls very short. True, it's aims are far more frivolous and light-hearted, but even so, I'm afraid I just didn't really find it that amusing. It was certainly interesting and would be an ideal diversion for a wet afternoon, but, having finished it, I was left with the feeling that this book was rather a wasted opportunity. I wanted answers to questions like "Who were Billy-O and Gordon Bennett?" and "Why is the children's chasing game called Tig in Leicestershire and Tag in other parts of the country?" The subject matter had the potential for being both very informative and very funny - sadly, it "As We Say In Our House" never quite fulfilled that potential.

I'll tell you what! Why not share some of your family's favourite sayings with us in comments. I could check to see if they are mentioned in "AWSIOH" and, if not, we&#
39;ll write our own book. And, if there are any Leicestershire ex-pats out there, do let me know if you've heard the "Watercress" one. Rees briefly mentions "A***s and Elbows", but I can find no mentions of "Watercress". (By the way, there's a fiver riding on your replies.)

"As We Say In Our House" - Nigel Rees - Robson Books - ISBN 1 86105 464 5

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