Don't have a cow man ..... Read this book (Bart Simpson's Guide to Life - Matt Groening)

Name: MJT1983

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Product:	Bart Simpson's Guide to Life - Matt Groening
Date:	31.12.07 (180 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Really funny, Great pictures

Disadvantages: None

Bart Simpson, The Kid that no father wants to be their son, has written a book which is in his words is ' The long but worthwhile journey to enlightenment' and it has to be said that enlightenment is probably the wrong word but the book is certainly hilarious and is sure to make any Simpson's fan laugh their heads off.

Bart Simpson's Guide to life is basically how Bart sees life and he offers advice on how to cope with certain compromising situations that any young boy may encounter. The book is split into 16 different chapters and for this reason I am going to keep the review of each chapter short and sweet but I'm sure you will get the gist of what the book is all about.

School - Every kid goes to school and Bart Simpson is no different and in this chapter he offers advice on how to cope with the stresses of school such as how to forge a sick note, some show and tell ideas ( which I can assure you no-one else will ever have done them), how to cheat in exams and annoying questions that you can ask your teacher such as ' Is any o this information pertinent to real life'

Food - Bart teaches the reader how to behave at the table as well as some 'Fun' games that can be played whilst dining and also introduces us to the humble donut which is considered as ' Natures perfect snack treat' the chapter also contains some very interesting food facts, for example did you know that Turkey leads the world in cereal consumption

Health and Fitness - Bart uses his chapter to explain just exactly what 'Cooties' are and how exactly to combat the problem and offers other miracle cures such as applying cold squishee to sunburn however Bart acknowledges that there is no cure for the condition of lockjaw put points out that the condition is a great cure for obesity.

Work And Money - In Bart's Opinion work is for suckers and this chapt er offers some helpful advice on how to avoid working and lists some of his ideal occupations which he thinks would be cool to do when he grows up for example being a vampire or a blackjack dealer.

He also offers some fast cash methods of earning money and a foolproof system of increasing your allowance that works on the principles of
1) Your parents want you to be happy
2) Happiness is money

Therefore they should give you more money.

After Hourz - This chapter is all about sleeping and how to stay up past your bedtime that contains a beautiful flow diagram of the actions that should be taken in order to stay up late. He also provides a dream translator that basically tells you what your dreams mean although I think he's probably guessed with most of them for example he reckons that if you dream about worshipping rabbits then you will of course you will found a media empire.

Parents - this offers advice on how to cope with a child's worst enemy the parent. Bart offers fifty different tips on how to drive your parents nuts and also contains a section on lies that your parents tell you which include 'I'm only doing this for your own good' and 'you'll understand when your older' how true how true!!!!

Art and Culture - now I thought that Bart Simpson was just an unappreciative schoolboy but how wrong I was as he loves art and culture you know. In this section we are educated on museum etiquette and also how to write poetry and how to look like a real poet and he also introduces us to the seven wonders of Springfield which include aunt Patties bra and Heidi the singing hamster.

Science - Bart has actually managed to explain the laws of motion in his own unique way complete with diagrams of him and his father battling it out in the living room. As well as the laws of motion Bart has constructed his own complete tree of life and did you know tha t Shamu the killer whale is originated from sea monkeys, yes I know its hard to believe but its in the book so it must be true.

Language and communication - Bart has decided to teach us all how to communicate with our foreign brothers and offers a brief lesson in how to insult the foreigner and uses his favourite expression eat my shorts and translates it into eight other languages and gives it literal meaning and he also includes a actions speak louder than words section in which the reader is taught what certain gestures mean around the world.

Animals - now according to this part of the book there are only 9 types of dog and Bart also offers some animal brain twisters for example the titmouse is neither a mouse nor is it a tit but is in fact a bird. Weird or what!

S.E.X - this chapter is all about how to pull at school and shows Bart's sensitive side and reminds us all that at school Hate = Love. The chapter also answers that wonderful childhood question of where do babies come from?

Psychology - in this section we learn how to tell if someone is lying and how to translate body language. The main section however is about Phobias and uncovers some of the weirdest such as Linonophobia which is the fear of string, apparently.

Law and Order - in this section Bart proves that it is not a free country and that laws confine everyone. He offers some unusual techniques of avoiding fights with the school bullies and also unearths some weird laws of the USA.

Xmas - this chapter answers another childhood question - is Santa real and Bart offers both argument for and against but leaves the final judgement up to the reader. If Santa is actually real Bart has designed the ultimate Xmas eve trap to catch the jolly fat man which in true Simpson style is more complicate than necessary. Bart also offers some last minute Xmas gifts such as a sock full of rice and a book of matches as he believes it's the thought that counts obviously.

Strange Facts - this part mainly focuses on aliens and how to track them down and also to be careful as THEY DO walk among us and apparently the biggest giveaway is a dorky hairstyle and baggy pants.

Religion - now Bart isn't a particularly religious man but he admits we all need to pray in times of crisis and also believes that every person should know the 7 deadly sins even if we don't abide by then. He also comes up with annoying questions to ask your Sunday school teacher such as ' If money is the root of all evil, then how come we have jobs'

And that is the end of my book review and a very long one at that so in conclusion this book is absolutely brilliant and I think everyone should go out and buy it now. The book is aimed at all ages and I'm sure all Simpson's fans will love it.

And for anyone who wants to buy it the ISBN number is
ISBN 0-00-638874-4

And it costs around £9.99

Summary: Life from the perspective of everyones favourite yellow teenager