The man who got his scrotum caught in a machine and other such stories!!!! (The Darwin Awards - Wendy Northcutt)

Name: paule23

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Product:	The Darwin Awards - Wendy Northcutt
Date:	23/06/01 (138 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Extremely funny, 180 stories

Disadvantages: Laughing at people's misfortune!

I'd like to tell you a couple of little stories. They are all about some remarkable human beings and the amazing lengths some people will go to to get a mention in a book!


The first story is about three friends in Cambodia. Now years of armed conflict have left this country littered with unexploded munitions and ordinance. Authorities in the country regularly issue warnings to citizens reminding them not to tamper with the devices.

The three friends had spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their bickering has continued for many hours, until finally one of the men pulled out a 25 year old unexploded antitank mine he had found in his back yard.

He threw the land mine under the table and the three friends then commenced a game of Russian Roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the land mine! The other villagers in their wisdom fled the bar, fearing the inevitable would happen. Minutes later their fears were confirmed when there was a large explosion in the bar, killing all three men. A local newspaper reported that their wives could not even find any remains as the blast had destroyed everything!


The second story I'd like to recount concerns a man from Houston called Rashaad. Now this gentleman learned an important lesson in gun safety when he played a game of Russian Roulette with a .45 calibre semi-automatic pistol. Apparently, Rashaad did not realise that, unlike a revolver, a semi-automatic pistol automatically inserts a round into the chamber when the gun is cocked. Thus his chance of winning a round of Russian Roulette suing a semi-automatic pistol is zero, which he quickly found out!!!


Apart from the obvious, i.e. people died from doing grossly stupid acts, what have these two stories both got in common? Well, apart from the fact that they are both very funny, in a comically tragic sort of w
ay, they are both verified stories, not just old wives tales, and have both received a Darwin award and been printed in the book 'The Darwin Awards' by Wendy Northcutt.

So, what the heck is a Darwin award? Are you sitting comfortably? Then let me begin...

Darwin awards first came about in 1993 when a woman called Wendy Northcutt set up a web site, www.DarwinAwards.com to honour and commemorate people who have managed to kill themselves through gross acts of stupidity. To qualify for a Darwin Award the nominee must have significantly improved the gene pool by eliminating themselves fro the human race in a spectacularly and astonishingly stupid way, such a the aforementioned gentlemen with the gun and land mine!

Essentially, winners of Darwin Awards are ensuring the survival of our species by removing themselves from the gene pool, thus removing one complete idiot and his/her genes (though usually his!) from the prospect of future reproduction. Survival of the fittest at its best!!!

Not just anyone completing a stupid act can qualify for a Darwin Award, so before you go off to make a qualifying attempt, bear in mind winners are selected suing the following 5 criteria.

1. The candidate must remove himself from the gene pool.
Thus the nominee must either be dead, or at least have rendered himself incapable of reproduction (ouch!) A person who manages to survive an unimaginably stupid act does not qualify as he must have some redeeming quality in his genes that allowed him to survive!

2. The candidate must exhibit an astounding misapplication of judgment
The two stories above are prime examples of this, particularly the land mine one! Everyone makes a stupid mistake every now and then, but to qualify for an award it has to be a very, very stupid mistake usually leading to the loss of your life (and sometimes others too!)

3. The candidate must be the cause of his own demise.
If you
are an innocent bystander killed by someone elses stupidity, I'm afraid you don't qualify.

4. The candidate must be capable of sound judgment
Thus no children can be included, or anyone suffering from a mental illness that renders them incapable of fully comprehending their actions. Their death may have been very stupid, but if they have no concept of that stupidity, then I'm afraid they just wo'?t qualify.

5.The event must be verified
This is to ensure that there are no old wives tales or urban legends out there picking up Darwin Awards for an event that never happened. God verification included reports in local or national press or a responsible eyewitness account.


Fulfil all the above criteria and you too could be the proud recipient of a Darwin award, although by the very nature of the award it is unlikely you would be around to receive such an honour!

Now, sometimes it can be difficult to fully verify a story and therefore give a Darwin Award out, and there are some very funny stories out there that deserve a mention in a book of this kind, but for one reason or another are not eligible for a Darwin Award. No fear, this book also finds space for these stories under other headings.

1. Honourable Mentions
A foolish misadventure that would normally qualify for a Darwin Award but in some cases the nominee managed to escape the death they may have deserved, but deserve a mention for a very good attempt!

2. Urban Legends
Those stories that cannot be verified, and may be just examples of old wives tales told to weary travellers in bars around the world. They may be true and in which case worthy of an award, but lack of verification means they cannot be given the sought after prize.

3. Personal Accounts
Again, unverified stories, this time submitted by friend and relatives of the nominee, blowing the whistle on acts of gross stupidity likely to endanger life.



This book is packed with 180 stories, yes 180 separate acts of gross stupidity, split into 1 different chapters, depending on how people met, or attempted to meet, their maker. Categories include Unsafe Sex, with the story of a couple killed whilst having sex in the back of a hearse which they had parked in a warehouse and been overcome by fumes a they'd left the engine running! Also a chapter entitled End of the Line including the story of a cyclist killed by a landing plane as he cycled across the runway. If the cycling wasn't stupid enough, he was wearing a Walkman playing full blast that prevented him from hearing the approaching danger! Other chapters include Dangerous Liaisons, Macho Men and Testosterone Poisoning, to name but a few.

I know it's not very nice to find humour in another human beings misfortune, but these people have killed themselves whilst performing such stupid acts, it is only right we celebrate their demise with a little giggle.

This book is extremely funny, although it's best to only read a few stories at a time, as you become sort of immune to the stupidity after a while, and the stories don't seem as funny. Read about 5 a day, and this book will keep you amused for weeks. I'm still amazed at the kind of things people get up to, but they can look down from heaven, proud of the fact that their ultimate sacrifice earned them the ultimate accolade of a Darwin Award!


The Darwin Awards - Wendy Northcutt
ISBN 0-75283-871-7 £5.99
Orion Press

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