Don't Go There! (Do Not Pass Go - Tim Moore)

Name: IainWear

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Product:	Do Not Pass Go - Tim Moore
Date:	18/04/05 (756 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: A decent idea

Disadvantages: Let down by poor execution

Despite never really expecting to, I’ve long enjoyed Tony Hawks’ books. The humour and invention with which he manages to make a travelogue into something that is part challenge and part joke is wonderful to read and a lot of fun to boot. He’s dragged me off to places I’ve never been and always made sure I’d enjoy the ride.

Tim Moore, on the other hand, plans to take me somewhere I have been before. He’s planning a trip around the Monopoly board and the London streets they are named after. I’ve played Monopoly many times, although I’d never say it’s my favourite game and, as a Londoner myself, I’ve walked on many of the streets featured, if only because I had a reason to be there. But I’ve never been to a street purely because I’d seen it on the Monopoly Board and I certainly wouldn’t claim to be obsessed with the game.

After discussing his own history with the game and the fascination of many with London, Moore starts his Monopoly tour hundreds of miles outside London, in Leeds. For this is where the origins of Monopoly in the UK begin, at the headquarters of John Waddington, who first bought the UK rights to the game and set about publishing a version with London streets, rather than American ones.

Moore follows the journey that Norman Watson and Marjorie Phillips of Waddington’s would have taken into London to work out the names of their streets. Like them, and many travellers from Leeds since, he arrived at King’s Cross. Unlike many in King’s Cross, however, Moore has nothing more risqué than Monopoly on his mind, even if he does end up playing it with a pre-op Brazilian transsexual. Let the game and tour begin.

Moore’s next roll is an eight, which takes him on to Whitehall. From here, the course of the book is set, as Moore travels from square to square or, more accurately from coloured set to set, investigating the history of the streets and the people that live and work on them. Not missing a trick, he also takes us on side steps through the non-street squares, visiting a prison, a water works, the electric company and the stations and also managing to test whether “Free Parking” is actually possible within the limits of Monopoly London.

Apart from a few interesting diversions, however, the majority of Moore’s tour takes much the same form. He goes somewhere and talks about the past of the streets or the area. Whilst occasionally fascinating, most of this is terribly dull. Indeed, most of the past he comments upon seems to have been taken from a limited number of sources: a Mass Observation Report, the words of Harold Clunn and a 1933 Directory of London. It is only when Moore breaks from his journey around the board that things get a little more interesting and amusing.

In fairness, what seems to let Moore down is that Monopoly London is rather dull. It takes in virtually none of London’s major tourist attractions, instead covering the major shopping areas, some residential but mostly business and entertainment areas. This last wouldn’t be so bad if what Moore actually did was look into the entertainment. Instead, it seems that all he does is look at the buildings from the outside and bemoan their past.

Moore’s writing isn’t the best, either. He seems to be quite smug about the whole thing, as if he’s imparting knowledge that no-one else has. It doesn’t seem to occur to him that there isn’t anyone else who cares enough to have gone looking for it before him. There are some snippets of fascination, but even these seem to be presented with that same smug expression. The declaration on the book’s cover that Moore is “a rare comic talent” seems to be misleading as well. His comic talent appears only rarely and when it does, it’s often at the expense of someone else, rather than something genuinely funny. Again, there are exceptions to this, with the “Free Parking” chapter being perhaps the best of them, but there’s little to make you laugh aloud.

Much like Keith Lowe’s “Tunnel Vision”, the whole book feels like a wasted opportunity. It’s a wonderful idea, both for fans of Monopoly and London alike, but there feels as if there could be so much more behind it. Admittedly history was never my favourite subject and it may be that someone with more of an interest in the past than I may get more from this book than I have. But Moore’s meandering journey around London lacks the sparkle and wit of a Tony Hawks book and contains little excitement or anticipation. Very quickly, you come to know roughly what’s going to happen next, with only the where being undecided. It may be this aspect that makes the side trips seem more interesting by comparison.

If you’re looking for information on the history of London, you may well be better off buying a history book. The information will be presented in no more interesting a fashion, but there will be more of what you’re looking for. As a tourist guide or travelogue, “Do Not Pass Go” is next to useless, taking you to places that were, more often than to places that are.

If you’re a fan of Tony Hawks, looking for something in a similar style but a little closer to home, as I was, I can only advise to avoid this. The differences in interest and information are enough to make Moore seem worse than he probably really is, but the whole book for me felt like a bit of a let down.

The only way this might interest you is if you’re a complete Monopoly addict, which seems to be why Moore was interested in the first place. If you’ve wondered about the streets behind the game, but have never had the opportunity to visit, this may be of some fascination. For those Monopoly addicts living in or close to the city, you’d probably be better off buying a Travelcard and having a wander around on your own time. In fact, with a retail price of £7.99 and an Amazon price of £5.59, a Travelcard would also be cheaper. If you’re really that interested, buy instead from Green Metropolis for £3.75 or the Amazon Marketplace, where copies have been seen from £1.00. But start with low expectations to match a low price, as that’s the only way you’re likely to be rewarded.

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