"It" - especially for alkaliguru. (Lost Boy, The - Dave Pelzer)

Name: nikkisly

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Product:	Lost Boy, The - Dave Pelzer
Date:	17/06/01 (1901 review reads)
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WARNING - THE CONTENTS OF THIS OPINION MAY DISTURB SOME READERS.

This is likely to be the most controversial opinion that I have written on dooyoo to date. I say that because it completely disagrees with the opinions of almost all of the dooyoo writers I most respect. It is about the book "A Child called "It"" by Dave Pelzer - a book which forced me to re-evaluate my life, even to seek counselling in an effort to come to terms with my reaction to it. I ask you to be courteous enough to remember that "I do not agree" does not automatically equal "Not Useful".

For those who haven't read the book - if there is anyone out there who hasn't - it is the first in a trilogy written by the author about his life as an abused child and later as an adult survivor of child abuse (The other two books being "The Lost Boy" and "A Man named Dave") This particular book covers Dave's childhood between the ages of 4 and 11 years old. It is the story of extreme abuse, inflicted on an innocent child by his sadistic alcoholic mother, who singled him out from his brothers to be systematically tortured, degraded and humiliated both mentally and physically.

The book begins at the end with Dave's eventual rescue from his appalling home life. Next, it details the brief spell of normal family life that he experienced before his mother inexplicably began to abuse him. Chapter after chapter continues to describe the harrowing abuse that he endured. This is not a book for the faint hearted, since he is subjected to everything from stabbing to starvation and his ordeals are described in graphic detail.

At the book's conclusion are a number of short sections. These include an epilogue and perspectives on child abuse by the author, a poem about child abuse by Cindy M Adams, commentaries from teachers and social workers who were involved in Dave's case and a list of contact addresses
/ telephone numbers for various US Child Abuse organisations. There is also an address for contacting the author's representatives with comments and queries - which will be answered on receipt of a SAE.

This is without doubt a powerful book that has single-handedly raised awareness of child abuse issues throughout the world. For me, personally,it almost changed my life.

For the past five years I have been studying all aspects of child abuse in great detail. I have read about 300 factual books on the subject and approaching 750 research studies. I subscribe to a professional journal about child abuse. I have worked with abused children and spoken to dozens of adult survivors - and this book left me cold. Numb. Totally unable to react in any way apart from a vague feeling of irritation at it's content. Over the past five years, I have wept for hundreds of children, yet Dave's story left me unmoved.I began to wonder how I could be so unfeeling and uncaring in my reactions to one child agony. And if I could ever hope to make a difference to the lives of abused children when I couldn't feel anything for Dave...

I am not disbelieving Dave's story. I have no doubt that he suffered the abuse that he has catalogued in such distressing detail. My irritation came from the fact that Dave's story is presented as the worst possible thing that could happen to a child - and sadly, this is something that I know is not true.

Dave's experiences WERE undoubtedly terrible and NO child should ever have to experience child abuse in any form. But on a scale of the nasty, vicious things which individuals do to their children, Dave's horrific childhood would probably rate 6/10. My problem with the book was that whilst it all too accurately portrayed the abuse of one child, it seemed to misrepresent the true scale and severity of this problem by presenting Dave as an isolated case.

Dave's abuse is allegedly the &
quot;third worst case of child abuse on record in the state of California" (Steven E Ziegler, teacher.) Except that Dave survived his abuse, and, if I were to be cynical, went on to make quite a nice living from writing books about it. Many, many children are not so fortunate.

In the United Kingdom alone, it is estimated that 200 children die every year as a direct result of child abuse. In the USA there are currently 4,000,000 'Dave's', most of whom will not be blessed with the 'gung ho' spirit and "unconquerable heart" of Dave Pelzer. There is often no knight in shining armour who comes galloping to the rescue, whisking the child away to a place of safety where he/she might live happily ever after. On the contrary, about a third of child abuse cases are never recognised as such. Some children die as a result of their abuse. Some run away and adopt a life on the streets, exploited by sexual predators, forced into prostitution to support themselves and into drug and alcohol abuse to forget their miserable childhood. Others escape in a different way, marrying young and producing children of their own which they in turn frequently abuse, perpetuating the cycle, having had no experience of 'proper' parenting. Of course, many also overcome their childhhod as Dave did and go on to live happy successful lives, using their negative experiences positively to become excellent parents. Yet most of these bear lifelong mental scars from their trauma, scars which seem conspicuously absent in Dave's story.

I couldn't weep for Dave. Instead, I found myself wondering about other survivors of child abuse. How did Dave's "message" affect them? Did they delight in the fact that one child had managed to overcome his experiences by sheer strength of will? Were they inspired by the fact that he had managed to "break the cycle"? Would they take comfort from Dave's indominatable spirit? Or woul
d they feel even more cowed and demoralised because the outcome of their own personal horror story had not been nearly so successful? Would they be made to feel that they had somehow failed in the eyes of society?

I began to think of the general public. What impressions did this book give about child abuse? Having read it, do people feel that this is as bad as it gets? Are they misled into thinking that within every abused child lies a determination which enables him/her to rise above the effects of child abuse by sheer willpower alone - to rise phoenix like from the ashes of a shattered childhood? That all child abuse can be so successfully overcome with no apparent ill effects? Would they be made to feel that Dave's childhood was an isolated incident? Do they believe that having taken the boy out of the situation, we have succeeded in taking the situation out of the boy?

Yet, more than anything, this book made me question my own personal motivation in life. My sole aim to actually make a difference to the lives of abused children, a goal towards which I have been working for the last seven years. I was so upset and perturbed by my feelings - or, to be more accurate - my lack of feelings at reading Dave's story, that I actually went for counselling to try and find out why.

Together, my counsellor ( who had also read the book) and I came to the conclusion that, rather than weeping for Dave, the reader should be rejoicing for his ability to overcome his abuse and devote his life to trying to help others to do the same. And meanwhile, we should be weeping for all the children who didn't accomplish similar miracles...

Chelsea, died 1999, aged 11 months. Starved, covered in cigarette burns with more than 40 areas of bruising on her body, she was violently shaken to death by her father who received 10 years in jail.

Derek, died 1999, aged 6. Thrown from a 14th floor balcony by his mother who received a 5 year priso
n sentence.

Kate, died 1999, aged 10 weeks with 35 broken bones. Her mother received 4 years in jail.

Need I continue? Because I could. Believe me, I could continue for the next couple of hours in a similar vein. These are the grim realities of child abuse for me - the children who didn't manage to escape.

The book "A Child Called "It"" is commendable in that it brought awareness of child abuse to the masses. Its grim detail rocked the safe, suburban words of millions of people, who, prior to reading it could not even begin to imagine the atrocities which some children are forced to endure, day after day after day. For that alone, I heartily commend it.

My criticism of the book is that it didn't go far enough. That it over emphasised some aspects of child abuse whilst neglecting to address others, thus creating a false reality in the minds of the readers. That the author resorted to saccharine seetness on occasions when the bitterness of lemons might have been more appropriate.

If I was to say anything to the author of this book, it would be simply this. "Dave. You were lucky. Comparatively"

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