what - no mars bar in the bedroom? (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - John Gray)

Member Name: flupen

Product:	Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - John Gray
Date:	17/06/01 (121 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: extra info is always helpful

Disadvantages: american style, a bit "preachy"

I think that most people will have heard of this book, but not all will have read it. Since its release in 1992, John Gray has followed it up with several other “ Mars and Venus” type books, but none of the others seem to have held the public appeal of the original. Others have since tried to copy the style of the book, and in some cases succeeded very well, ( “Why men don’t iron and why women cant read maps” by Pease is one which I would say has surpassed this one), but this still tends to be the book that the media churn out and quote with alarming regularity.

The concept of the book is simple – its that men and women have different needs and communicate in different ways. Therefore if you can accept your own needs and feelings, and can attempt to understand your partners you are more likely to get on like two peas in a pod, rather than clashing like cymbals!!!!

John Gray likens males and females to being two different species – Martians and Venusians – rather than being two genders of the same species. I think that a great deal of what he means is true. Men and women do think differently and do have different needs.

Men tend to want to problem solve, be in control and have huge difficulty “dual processing” ( most men reject this but most women accept this as a true concept – in that men need to focus on one task before starting another, whilst women can look after the kids, cook dinner and do the ironing all at the same time). They also tend to think that criticism is implied when none is. As an example, I wonder how many men thought I was criticising when I said that they had difficulty dual processing, when in fact it was meant as an observation only!!!!

Women, on the other hand, talk! In fact, they talk and talk and talk so much that they drive their men folk mad. He can see the solution and is eager to point out how she can achieve her aim, but this just fru
strates her! Women don’t want solutions given to them, they want unconditional support in order to let them make their own decisions. He thinks that by offering solutions, he’s listening and helping, but if you ever listen in on a group of women talking, they tend to offer very few solutions, but more sympathy and listening – and this is the basic difficulty with the two communicating.

The book starts by looking at his theory, and then goes on to look at some practical examples of communication and how changes can be made, which suits both parties. The best chapters are towards the end of the book, but you do have to plough through the beginning stuff to get to the good parts, otherwise it doesn’t really make as much sense as it should. I think the chapters on how to avoid arguments, how to communicate difficult feelings and how to ask for support are well written, logical and, most importantly, achievable.

I like this book, but, and it is a big but, it is too American for my liking. Having said that, its well worth borrowing from the library for a week, or even splashing out and buying. Its recommended selling price is £9.99, but you can get it much cheaper than this if you shop around. If you think that at times you and your partner are having difficulty communicating and understanding each other, then try reading this book. If, however, you have heard of it and fancy reading it as you like this type of book, then really I would not bother – its good – but not that good!

Summary: