Is the Grass Any Greener? (The Best a Man Can Get - John O'Farrell)

Member Name: Foxy-Lady

Product:	The Best a Man Can Get - John O'Farrell
Date:	31/05/07 (479 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Hilarious

Disadvantages: Lacking character depth

Meet Michael Adams, a typical thirty-something bloke who is apparently living the single life in a batchelor style flat with three other guys. A home environment which consists of spending lots of time playing computer games, getting vast enjoyment out of mindless trivia quizzes and deciding who’s going to prepare dinner...or should I say, get the takeaway in. Not only does Michael live here, he also works from the flat as a self employed musician, composing advertising jingles for a living. Using his room as a studio where his equipment is set up, aswell as a TV and fridge, Michael can pass most of the day lounging around as everything is carefully positioned to be within easy reach of his bed. The paper boy even has a key to the flat so he can deliver Michael’s daily newspaper directly to the end of the bed (until his mother finds out!). Michael can therefore relax and get up whenever he feels like it, working a couple of hours a day at the most.

But everything is not as it seems and this is only half of the story...

After completing and submitting his latest 15 second musical creation, Michael sets off across London to return ‘home’, but not to the flat...to his unsuspecting wife and two children! Just a few miles away yet a completely different life.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by this bombshell as the book blurb clearly states that this is the main storyline but it didn’t help make it any less shocking. His poor wife thinks that he has been working away for a couple of days while she has struggled on her own looking after the kids. I know how hard it is caring for one toddler, nevermind two, and the very thought of this man’s actions made me feel so angry. I felt an instant dislike towards him. So much so that I could’ve poked him in the effin’ eyes...or much worse!

My initial thought was that I’d made a mistake. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bought this book due to its content. I thought it sounded quite interesting when I read the cover but in reality, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was meant to be aimed at men who dream of living this kind of double life, and certainly not women with children. Was I going to end up feeling offended by its words?

It’s very unusual for me to have such reservations when I begin to read a book but I decided to persevere. After all, this had only been the first chapter!

“We’ve all done it. We’ve all kept little secrets from our partners. We’ve all avoided telling them an awkward detail or subtly skirted over something we’d rather they didn’t know. We’ve all rented a secret room on the other side of the city where we could hide half the week to get away from all that boring, exhausting baby stuff. Oh, that last one is just me apparently”

Through Michael’s narration it becomes apparent that his wife, Catherine, does actually know about the apartment as it was an arrangement they made when they began to get short of space at home. Due to their expanding family and the subsequent increase in baby and child equipment and toys, little space was left for the musical gear required for his work. She is completely unaware though that he is using the flat as a getaway whenever he feels like it. As soon as the going gets tough or an argument occurs, he disappears for a few days, pretending to be utterly engrossed in his work. The result being that his wife thinks he is grafting really hard, sometimes into the early hours of the morning!

As I was reading I found the whole concept really hard to comprehend but gradually, Michael’s thoughts and feelings are portrayed, offering an explanation...or is it just an excuse? It seems that the problem began when their first child arrived. He hadn’t really felt ready to become a father but agreed that they should start trying for a baby, just in an attempt to keep his wife happy. Within a month she was pregnant!

“The strain that small children brought into our lives suddenly seemed to create such tension and petty hostility between us that I was terrified of the damage becoming irreparable. Admittedly, I had developed a personal solution to a joint problem without even talking it through with Catherine. But I didn’t feel I could confess to wanting time away from my children”

So in Michael’s eyes he is merely ‘resting’ their relationship on a regular basis for the sake of their marriage. The fact that he didn’t feel ready to start a family in the first place is now emphasised by the major changes that have inevitably had to take place in their lives. Irritable irrationality emerges in them both, affecting Michael in particular. He feels pushed out as his wife’s love is suddenly directed elsewhere...obviously towards the youngsters. Catherine doesn’t help matters though as she is never satisfied with his childcare attempts but doesn’t seem willing to offer guidance, just criticism, making him feel like a failure as he doesn’t easily get to grips with fatherly duties. In comparison, she comfortably slips into parenting mode without giving it a seconds thought and automatically understands their children’s needs. Overall, the roles of inadequately skilled father and paranoid, obsessive mother are much exaggerated resulting in Michael’s somewhat bizarre actions as he gets caught up in his own selfishness, constantly being pulled in conflicting directions and struggling to make necessary sacrifices.

It’s chaotic to say the least when a little one arrives...a new overwhelming responsibility resulting in dramatic alterations to your lifestyle. People adapt to the situation differently and some find it difficult to focus on the positive outcome of the disruption. Being a family can therefore create a certain amount of pressure. Children are a joy and a blessing but no matter how much we adore our little angels I’m sure most parents would admit that ocasionally, they dream of being able to escape for a while - just for a few hours though! Leading a secret double life to get some peace and quiet sounds quite absurd but perhaps it’s understandable (ish) that someone could resort to such an extreme reaction. I doubt that many (if any) would actually go ahead and do it though. Surely you would sit down and talk your concerns through with your partner!

I therefore found the overall storyline to be a little far-fetched but the book is saved by the underlying themes of general family life, the anxieties of parenting, coming of age and trying to face up to responsibilities - even if it means learning the hard way. The book offers an entertaining look at how the male mind (sometimes) works and demonstrates that we (male or female) can’t always be in control of our feelings and emotions.

Despite my original doubts I can honestly say that I ended up really enjoying ‘The Best a Man Can Get’. The main enjoyment factor of the book comes from its honest humour and acute, ruthless observations of experiences with a small child, particularly regarding sleep deprivation! John O’Farrell certainly succeeds in injecting humour into virtually each and every page. I haven’t laughed at a book like this for ages! It’s really funny...in fact, it’s simply hilarious in places and includes many laugh out loud moments that I can fully appreciate as a mother facing the constant demands of a toddler. It’s so insightful about everyday life that I’m sure you’ll read every page with a feeling of recognition.

Even the chapter titles are quite amusing, each one being titled with a well known advertsing slogan that has relevance to that particular section of the book. For example, ‘Have a Break’ (from the Kit Kat ads), the famous National Lottery ‘It Could Be You’ and ‘Live Life to the Max’ (taken from the Pepsi Max advertisements). The name of the book itself is a Gillette strapline and this is also quite significantly used as the title of the first chapter...and the last.

In my opinion the book is let down a little by the lack of character development as I found that it only really offers an insight into Michael. As the protagonist of the book, I must admit that I felt really strange towards him - a connection consisting of empathy and understanding as he describes his kids but then utter outrage as he disappears to ‘work’ to get a break from the trials and tribulations of family life. He’s actually quite irritating throughout much of the book, making little effort to resolve their problems. And during rows with Catherine he even has the nerve to resort to guilt-tripping her about the fact that he has to spend so much time away from her and the children to fund their lifestyle. Could this man stoop any lower?!

Even though Michael’s father acts as a major catalyst in creating some life changing moments towards the end of the book, the reader isn’t really told that much about him...just that Michael feels resentment towards him for walking out on him and his mother when he was a small boy (something which perhaps partially suggests a reason behind Michael’s behaviour regarding parenthood). It therefore feels like he has been added as an afterthought to conveniently bring the story to its conclusion. The author possibly meant it to be portrayed in this manner as a way of reflecting that Michael’s own father has never been around for him, but to me, somehow it just didn’t ring true. Likewise with Catherine. She initially comes across as being fairly straight-laced and mature but some seemingly out of character references are included in the form of memories, regarding her love of practical jokes. It does emphasise how she has changed since having children but again, in my opinion this seems to have been thrown into the story, just to give relevance to a later practical joke that occurs as an element of the storyline.

As these two characters play such a major part in the plot I think giving them greater depth would’ve been greatly beneficial, particularly to the ending of the story which comes across as being a bit rushed. Although genuinely touching, I think that the conclusion of ‘The Best a Man Can Get’ is slightly weak in comparison to the the rest of the book. As the whole plot revolves around a journey of self-awareness it could’ve been so much more thought provoking and endearing. Having said that, feeling a little bit let down by the ending didn’t spoil my overall enjoyment of the book. Due to its humour I would suggest that it’s definitely worth a read...although it’s left me wondering just what my husband is up to when he has to work away for a few days!




Published by: Doubleday
Pages: 271
ISBN: 0385600844
Cover price: £10 (although I paid 50p for it at my local charity shop!)

Summary: Story about a man who wants to have his cake and eat it!