obsequial observations (The Laying on of Hands - Alan Bennett)

Member Name: pje

Product:	The Laying on of Hands - Alan Bennett
Date:	06/02/02 (70 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Sharp satirical wit.

Disadvantages: There's a typo on page 107.

WARNING:
This is a very funny book. Do not attempt to eat or drink while reading it. (You wouldn't want to end up with Earl Grey going down the wrong hole, now would you?)

The Laying on of Hands opens with Treacher, a man "with a disagreeable expression", arriving early at a memorial service for a man he's never met and hasn't even heard of. It's like being back in Graham Greene-land.
Treacher wants to be inconspicuous, but unfortunately a young soap actor goes and sits behind him...and he attracts everyone's attention because:

" The previous week he had stunned his audience when, with no excuse whatsoever, he had raped his mother, and though it later transpired she had been begging for it for some time and was actually no relation at all, nevertheless some vestiges of the nation's fascinated revulsion still clung to him. "

I take it that Alan Bennett isn't greatly impressed by modern soap opera storylines then!

Autograph hunters are swarming outside the church, and inside are an assemblage of the great and the good, erm, well, the famous anyway. There are lawyers, politicians, and civil servants; and there are TV chefs, actors and pop stars - and never the twain shall recognize each other.

Alan Bennett writes like a freshly spanked boy let loose in a balloon shop with an air-rifle, sniping at his targets with vicious accuracy and acerbic wit:

" 'I can smell incense,' said a feared TV interviewer to his actress friend. 'Are we in a Catholic church?'
She had once stabbed a priest to death in a film involving John Mills
so knew about churches. ' Yes,' she said firmly. "


So who's kicked the bucket then? Well, it's a chap called Clive Dunlop, aged 34. Six months ago in Peru. Of... well, no-one knows, that's the trouble.

Presiding over the ceremony is a young vicar called Geoffrey Jol
liffe, and unusually for Church of England obsequies, he actually KNEW the dearly departed! Almost too well, in fact. But not as well as everyone else in the congregation (if you get what I mean!) Clive had been a 'masseur' y'see - he had healing hands (hence the title) ...and a lot of well known clients.

This being a memorial service, they come to celebrate Clive, not bury him. But even so. it turns out to be a mistake when Geoffrey offers people the opportunity to share their memories of the deceased. An unholy dispute ensues among mourners of both sexes as to Clive's sexual orientation. And, of course, they all desperately want to know what he died of...
Except for Treacher, that is - he's only there to observe, and be appalled!


There are lots of those acute observations you expect from Alan Bennett. Take the old dear who attends every funeral, masquerading as a relative, in the hope of being invited to the 'do' afterwards. Being hard-of-hearing, she isn't at all perturbed by the discussion of the deceased's sex life because she mis-hears the words, and presumes they are talking about the "next life".

This story first appeared in the London Review of Books on 7th June 2001. It's the third little novella Alan Bennett has published in recent years, following The Clothes They Stood Up In and Father, Father Burning Bright.

I think it's a bit of a rip-off publishing short stories separately like this, rather than collecting them together in one volume. But on the other hand the advantage is that, as it measures only about six inches by four inches, it fits easily into your pocket - so the next time you're out shoplifting, don't forget to pick up a copy. ;¬)


¶ Hardback........................ £6.99 ¶ ISBN: 1861973748 ¶ pp 110 ¶ 2001 ¶
¶ Spoken Word Cassette.. £9.99 ¶ ISBN: 0563536403 ¶
¶ Spoken Word CD.......... £12.99 ¶ ISBN: 0563536411 ¶

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