Men and Women: A Users Manual (Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps - Allan Pease, Barbara Pease)

Member Name: delawney

Product:	Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps - Allan Pease, Barbara Pease
Date:	04/01/03 (2585 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Informative, Entertaining

Disadvantages: Occasionally close to home!

Due to a combination of being snowed under with work and being my generally disorganised self, I was a bit behind on my Christmas shopping. I had all sorts of presents to buy for people across the country that I wouldn't be seeing over Christmas, so what better than to order a present online, and have it sent directly to them?

I hate shopping you see. It's not that I don't like buying things - quite the opposite in fact, though I hate to admit it - it-s the people - they dawdle, they get in the way, there's too darned many of them and they irritate the pants off me.

Anyway, I'm digressing far too much here, but apparently that's what women do, so that's OK. More of that later.

So, there I am over at Amazon spending vouchers earned on dooyoo (wayhey!) to try and reduce the cost of my Christmas shopping. I'm browsing away at the books under "humour", and something catches my eye - "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps". Hmm, sounds quite entertaining, methinks. Maybe my sister would like it, I'm not sure. So I order it.

Anyway, by the time it arrives I've found my sister something much nicer anyway, so I decide to keep the book. I'm supposed to be wrapping those darn Christmas presents, but since I'm pretty pants at that too I decide to read my new book instead.

I have to admit that given that this was listed under "humour" at Amazon, that I was anticipating something slightly less serious. Whilst this book is most definitely entertaining, and both the authors witty, it is first and foremost an informative book, and the humour is more of a sideline.


*** SO WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT THEN? ***

Doubtless most people will have heard of "classics" like "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus". I've never read it myself - I always thought it sounded a bit too cheesy so I gave i
t a wide berth. (Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!). I imagine this book is along similar lines - it explains the differences between men and women and how this can lead to a breakdown in communication between the two sexes.


*** ISN'T THAT A BIT SEXIST? ***

Far from it. The authors go to great lengths (perhaps a bit to much!) to emphasise that sexism is not what this book is about. It is not about saying that men are better than women, or vice versa. It is about understanding the different ways men and women have evolved, and why that, as a rule of thumb, may make them better or worse at particular activities. Men and women are equal, yes, but equal does not necessarily mean the same.

The authors argue that it is in fact unhelpful to argue that men and women are the same, as this hinders our understanding and our communication, and may explain why so many relationships break down.


*** SO WHY ARE THEY DIFFERENT THEN? ***

Apparently it all goes back (not surprisingly) to prehistoric times. Men were the hunters, or the "lunch chasers". Their purpose in life was to go out and obtain food for the women and the children. At the end of a hard day hunting, they would come back to the cave and gaze into the fire to recouperate.

Women, on the other hand, were the "nest-defenders". Their task was to look after the children and the home, and of course look after the men upon their return from a hard days hunting.

This is how it was for thousands of years. As such, the authors argue, it is not surprising that this has had some bearing on our evolution, right down to how our brains are programmed.


*** GIVE US SOME EXAMPLES THEN ***

Having explained the main reasons for the differences between the sexes, much of the rest of the book is comprised of explaining particular differences between men and women and how this relates to our past.
r>Ogling is a good example. Women are known for telling off their men for ogling other women, but in actual fact studies show that women are often guilty of ogling more often than men are. Apparently they just get away with it more, as women tend to have better peripheral vision than men. This can be explained by going back to the woman's role of "nest-defender". She may have to be keeping an eye on several things at once - children, something cooking on the fire, keeping a watch for potential threats. (This also explains why women are generally better at multi-tasking). Mem, on the other hand, were the lunch chasers. As such they needed focused vision in order to keep track of their prey. Thus, when men ogle, they stare. Women are generally more subtle.

Then there's the reverse and parallel parking women are renowned for being bad at. This is because women generally lack the spatial perception of men, which they required for their lunch-chasing. Women simply didn't need this skill, so they never developed it.

And talking. Yep, women are better talkers. That's my excuse for all the preamble at the beginning of this op. Apparently male brains are highly compartmentalised, so they have the ability to separate and store information. A woman's brain does not store information this way, and problems may just keep going round and round in her head. The only way a woman can get rid of her problems is to talk about them and acknowledge them.

This also explains why womens' conversation tends to jump much more from subject to subject and back again, and is much less focused than mens' conversation.


*** WHAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALS AND TRANSEXUALS? ***

There is a very interesting chapter explaining some emerging theory on homosexuality and gender issues. I hasten to add at this point that you never get the impression that the authors are remotely homophobic or presumptuous - quit
e the opposite in fact. They present some very interesting arguments as to how people may "turn out" (for want of a better phrase) gay or transexual.


*** BUT I'M A WOMAN AND I'M GREAT WITH MAPS ***

The authors are keen to point out that they are of course making generalisations in this book. Of course there are women who are good at spatial skills and men who can do several things at once. There will always be exceptions to the rule. They argue that we are all on a scale of being "wired" masculine or feminine. But what they offer is a set of guidelines for understanding both your own sex and the mysterious opposite.


*** THAT COVER LOOKS A BIT BORING ***

Don't worry, it's been revamped. It's all jazzy and yellow now.


*** SO WHERE CAN I GET IT AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST? ***

As I said above (you must be a man who couldn't hear) I bought it from Amazon. It was discounted there, so I paid £6.49 rather than the cover price of £7.99. I expect you can get it from most good book shops though, as they may say on TV.


*** SO WHAT'S YOUR OPINION DELAWNEY? ***

I wasn't sure what I was going to make of this book. You see, I've always kind of considered myself in touch with my masculine side. Yet as I've read this book I've discovered I'm much more feminine than I had ever anticipated. At least now I have an excuse for not knowing my left from my right.

I appreciate now why it's pointless trying to talk to mr delawney while he's reading. Men, it appears, can only concentrate on one task at a time, unbeknownst to me. In fact, some men have been shown to be as good as deaf while they are reading. So it's not that they are not listening, they simply don't hear. And perhaps now mr delawney will understand why I have to turn the map in the direction we are travelling. (I'm making him r
ead it next - he knows his place!).


*** FINAL VERDICT ***

Don't buy this book if all you're after is a giggle. It is amusing, but it is not primarily a funny book.

Do buy this book if you're intrigued by the difference between the sexes and want to know a bitmore, in an easy to read, sometimes lighthearted fashion, with a few jokes thrown in for good measure.

I'm off to do some important talking now - apparently I haven't used up my quota of words yet!


ISBN 0-75284-619-1
Cover Price: £7.99