The Finest Fishfinger Sandwich Known To Mankind (Starters)

Name: The Operator

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Product:	Starters
Date:	30/03/02 (2555 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Quick

Disadvantages: It's not really a starter is it.

I know it's under "starters" but until "The Powers That Be" decide that one can submit two things under the same heading without wiping the other one, this will have to do. I already have one under fish, you see and it's crowned, too so I don't want to lose it. I'll ask "The Powers That Be" to get it sorted. But if you're really hungry, you could have it as starters I suppose. Who's stopping you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ooOoo~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm making pizza and Carol's having a fishfinger sandwich" uttered my bestest ever friend down the telephone in answer to my query over her supper repast plans.
"I'm having a fishfinger sandwich too" I replied, "but it won't be like Carol's".

Ah. Sort of got myself into that one, didn't I. Although there was no danger of Carol ever finding out that my creation wasn't just several of the good Cap'n's finest slapped between two slices of Hovis and a goodly smear of HP over the top, I felt morally obliged to actually create The Finest Fishfinger Sandwich Known To Mankind. So I did. I feel the secret receipt, jealously guarded for at least half an hour now, is ready to be shared with you.

Many hours of testing, tasting and refining have gone into creating this assault on the tastebuds but feel free to alter, substitute and change anything at all which doesn't suit your preference. Why not go out and get a Chinese even and save me the bother of telling you how to make The Finest Fishfinger Sandwich Known To Mankind? But to appreciate it in all its magnificent piscene glory, it ought to remain unedited. Actually, to be honest, I kind of made it up strolling along the aisles in Sainsbury's towards the fresh bread counter which is at the far end of the store. Had the bread been at the entrance (which it never is because they want you to follow the lovely fresh bread smell like som
e demented Hannah Barbera creation sniffing those supposedly invisible doughy wisps right to their source which is quite naturally, past everything else in the store) the resultant creation would have been much much simpler. Again I lie, I'm spinning this out to make it interesting. I got everything I needed for this in the veg section next to the door. It was the other fourteen quid I unnecessarily spent getting to the bread that I'm annoyed about.

As ever with my things, amounts are based on one man eating ALONE. Instead of at some cheap hotel in Leicester or wherever. So multiply if you have children or partners or both.
You will require:

5 fishfingers. Don't skimp. Get the best, this is gourmet food after all. None of that minced white fish rubbish which is probably pouting or ratfish or something else outside the cod quota. Get cod. Lovely flaky cod. With lovely crispy breadcrumbs coating it. Too posh for fishfingers? Leave now.

One tiny little hot chilli. I used a Thai one. I was going to get Zimbabwean but that Robert Mugabe eh? He's Norman Tebbit in disguise isn't he. Boycott! I dunno, food and socio-political comment all in one. Bet you can't do that eh, Jamie?

A spring onion.

A clove of garlic.

Black pepper (preferably Wynand which is the finest, this is gourmet remember but any old stuff will do. At a push).

A very large table spoonful of mayonnaise. Fresh of course. Straight out of the jar.

A squirt of something citrus. I used the juice of half a lemon which is a cop out I know but I had one to hand.

A demi-baguette of French origin. Not Hovis, it has to be crusty white bread in finger form.

A bottle of Fuller's London Pride


This is how you now combine these delicate and sought after ingredients to create The Finest Fishfinger Sandwich Known To Mankind.
Before you start, turn off your mobile. Numerous text messa
ges can drastically alter preparation time. This should take no longer than 15 minutes to create rather than the 30 it took me.
Put the frying pan on and place the five fishfingers on a medium heat as per instructions on the packet. Not difficult.
Now, slice up the garlic, the spring onion (all of it except the roots) and the chilli into very small pieces. Very very small. Be aware that your eyes will hurt if you poke your fingers into them after handling chillis and you may not wish to continue with the recipe. This is a public service announcement.
Take the fishfingers off the heat and place them in a bowl. They will be partly cooked. Mash them up and add the the other things you've just cut up and the pepper and mix them in. Get the pan really hot again and then throw the lot in to finish cooking.
Meanwhile, rinse out the bowl and prime it with the dollop of mayonnaise. Just before you remove the fishfingers, add the lemon juice, stir again and then into the mayo with it all. Mix!

Slice your baguette in half and coat each liberally with butter. Or Golden Churn if you're a tight wad. Spread the fishfinger mixture onto the lower half of the baguette and replace the top half. Failure to follow this procedure will result in a great deal of mess due to the effects of gravity.

That's it. Finished. You have successfully created The Finest Fishfinger Sandwich Known To Mankind. If you're lucky, the breadcrumbs will still be crispy too. I served mine up with thinly sliced and lightly oven roasted potatoes (or oven chips to give them their correct name) but you may care to have it unaccompanied.

Switch your mobile back on again and drink the beer.

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