Woo! Oodles of noodles! (Noodle Time)

Member Name: spacelamb

Product:	Noodle Time
Date:	24/05/01 (2010 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: cheap, tasty

Disadvantages: often very crowded, background muzac

I love noodles. I do. I would happily eat them two out of three meals a day (I'm sticking with yoghurt for breakfast thanks, I think the wormy texture would drive me mad before 09:00) if it weren't for my mother's sinister warning ringing in my ears:

"You'll turn into a noodle!"

Now, I have my suspicions that (chemically and biologically at least) this is highly unlikely; however, she has not been wrong about much yet, and I can't shake the nagging feeling (particularly as she is a nurse) that Mum Knows Best. So I limit myself to just a couple of noodle-based meals per week. Usually one of these is at Noodle Time in Greenwich, whose delights I wish to share with you here (in verbal form only - if you think I'm sharing my noodles, you are very much mistaken).

Noodle Time is a Chinese fast-food restaurant. I am sorry to have used the f-f-word there, because it is in no way comparable to the likes of McDonalds et al - the food is always hot, tasty and reasonably healthy, the staff are polite and yes! - the food is even served on a proper grown-up's plate.

Let me guide you through the process of obtaining your delicious meal.

1. Enter door. You will know which door to enter by the sign above it saying NOODLE TIME, and the pictures of noodles in the windows. If all you see before you are maritime curiosities, you have walked too far down the road. If you go on a Saturday, you will know which door to enter by the queue snaking out of it (worth the wait, honest).

2. An employee in a blinding orange shirt will show you to your table. Menus are displayed under the Perspex table tops (for you can’t be trusted not to steal a folded piece of cardboard) (just kidding – I guess it cuts down on the number of things you have to wipe after each party has vacated the table). You will be given a list of all the dishes and drinks. Write the quantity of each item you require, and wai
t for one of the hawk-eyed staff to swipe it up again.

3. I should point out at this juncture, because you will be starting to notice, that the one downside to Noodle Time is that they play atrocious music (quietly, but not quietly enough, ie. inaudibly). Shania Twain seems to be a particular favourite, although we have been subjected to Celine Dion and Panpipe Dreams in the past. Almost too clichéd to be true, but I kid you not.

4. Take a pair of chopsticks. Try your damnedest to snap them evenly. Curse when you fail (because you will). Pick up other items on table with chopsticks. Grab partner’s tie with chopsticks. Generally mess about with chopsticks until waiter returns. Look sheepish. Put chopsticks down.

5. And so the food arrives (usually very speedily). Unlike in most Chinese restaurants, you order a complete meal instead of separate dishes. This normally consists of either noodles or rice with a main course (sweet ‘n’ sour, curry, black bean etc), although they also have bowls of noodle soup only slightly smaller than fish bowls, which certainly count as a meal in their own right. The portions are a perfect size if you also have a starter between two people. All the favourites are here – prawn crackers, spring rolls and their friends - and also the rather exotic ‘cuttlefish buns’ which I have never been brave enough to try.

6. Eat. Yum yum. My personal recommendations would be won ton or prawn crackers to start (not very original but certainly tasty), with either chicken curry and rice, or black bean beef and vermicelli.

7. Relax, maybe pat your bulging stomach, have a fag (a note for non-fumeurs: even though there is a large smoking section, their extraction equipment is top-class and it is NEVER smoky). Proceed to cash desk.

8. Now here is the best part. A meal for two, with soft drinks, is likely to set you back around a tenner. Yes, a tenner. That’s it. (Ad
d another couple of quid if you have beers). For those not blessed with a mathematical brain, that’s a goddamn bargain. Makes a cheap date, although it’s about as romantic as a day in Bognor.

9. Exit door. You will know which door to exit because it is the one you entered through. If all you see before you are piles of utensils and vegetables, you have gone downstairs by mistake.

Enjoy!
Spacelamb :)

Noodle Time
Trafalgar Road
Greenwich
London SE10
(Nearest tube: Cutty Sark DLR)

Summary: