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Oh Burnt Tar Drippings Coffee, how I loathe thee
Member Name: i_heart_elo
Advantages: You can decide NOT to buy the coffee or go into the shop
Disadvantages: Is this a joke? I guess not....everything in Starbucks is a disadvantage
People love their addictions, and coffee (like tea) is an addiction of epic porportions.
I think we all agree though, that for every good batch of coffee there are 5 bad batches. You have to spend several pounds trying out different types before you come across one you feel is truly drinkable. Once you do find that elusive "good cup'o'joe" , you stick with it , right?
This is why i'm so utterly mind-bogglingly confused about the phenomena that is , Starbucks.
Every minute of every day people clunk down 3 to 5 pounds a cup for what is essentially...liquid burnt tar droppings. What's worse is that statement is not exaggerative.
I sometimes wonder if when people buy coffee from Starbucks, they actually drink it or just hold it to make people THINK they are drinking it? Or, do they just want to perfect they're poker faces by not making that pucker lips movement every sip they take? Do they own stock in Starbucks, thereby, feeling in order to make money they have to buy the coffee no matter how disgusting it is?
These are all very serious questions that are almost as important as "Why Are We Here?" Someday maybe someone will be able to answer them properly but to date, no one has.
I walk down several streets in London in constant wonder at how many people are going into an overpriced coffee shop that doesn't actually serve coffee. Before I go into several paragraphs of rants about this chain, let me try and condense them into brief points of interest.
* The Coffee Is From an Alien Planet:
Yes, it's true. I believe from another galaxy in fact.
*The Store is Insanely Small:
Have you ever been in a Poundland at lunchtime in a mall? Well take the amount of people in there and now Quadruple it. That's how many people crowd into a store no bigger than my living room and kicthen. It's almost as if they want people to bump into each other and spill the coffee so they don't have to drink it just spend their money on it.
*No Free Wifi:
Now this might have changed in the last year or so (since that was the last time I ever stepped foot into this place), but isn't it weird for a coffee place where you spend the price of a movie ticket on gourmet tar to then charge you to use the internet in order to take your mind off said tar? Yet another perplexing question isn't it?
*Employee's are "Special":
I don't mean Special like " Oh wow that Gerrard from Liverpool is a special player!" I mean special like "Oh wow Rooney's face looks ummm special" as is physically challanged. Now , i'm not saying that the staff at Starbucks are hideous pig faces, i'm saying they're more mentally challanged. Try and place and order there without having to repeat it several times, and then once you get your order, have it be completely wrong. Yes, they are very special.
*Hours of Operation:
In the states, most happening coffee shops are open from around 6am to 10 or 11pm. Some are even open all night. This is because generally speaking, people drink coffee early in the morning, and late at night. Starbucks on the other hand, seems to only be open from 8amish till around 6pmish st most shops here in the UK. Now I don't know about you, but by 8am i'm already needing about 2 cups of coffee but at 6pm the last thing on my mind is to wind it up instead of winding it down.
I could give you a plethora more reasons on why to avoid this store like the plague. Only, I highly doubt you would listen. Day in and day out Starbucks continues to get customers and LOYAL ones at that.
The only reason that sounds legit in my mind, is that they put crack in the coffee. I'm not alone in this conspiracy theory, a vast majority of coffee eliteists feel the same way. So, if you are one of the many that are addicted to Burnt, pricey tar with crack in it, than I am sorry for your predicament.
I would say you might be helped if you went to a SA meeting (Starbucks Annoynomous....yes I punned that with "Annoy"nomous). The only other course of action for you is to try and quit cold turkey and make your own coffee, or buy it from a small cafe where they actually use coffee beans made from coffee beans. Good luck with your wasteful addiction!
Summary: Nothing says disgusting like Starbucks Coffee