Canniibal Cafe (Restaurants in Madrid in general)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Restaurants in Madrid in general
Date:	27/09/08 (89 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Special menu found nowhere else in Europe

Disadvantages: Expensive

I have been travelling again now, after Grams died leaving me a small legacy. It isn't enough money to make a huge impact on my life as far as buying a nice ride or house (with these Boston real Estate prices) but it does allow me to treat myself to great holidays and take along a couple of these sarcophant leeches I call friends if they agree to always wear tuxedos when the are with me and act like my bodyguards.
We went to Madrid last week. We heard they have the running of the bulls there in September but I guess we were wrong an I even had a cute lttle suit made up to play Hemmingway and the cows. So basically we had nothing to do for 5 days.
We did what proper Ryan-Air-Flying Anglophones do on holidays which drink far too much and mistreat locals. I had about 15,000 Euros in my pocket to party on. So I was playing the big shot buying all the drinks and smoke and blow. Plety of Bolivian washed down with the Green fairy.
It is fair to say that the Nightclub/cafe/restaurant found us rather than we found it. I do not remember how we got there. It was of Montera Street if you keep walking uphill and cross that big street that more or less is the unofficial of the Red Light District. We could not find it later in the day time.
So we step down into this dingy little bar with this loud techno music blastng from some well-self-satisfied DJ who apparently thought he was somebody special. All this flashing neon lights were throbbing. The first thing I see is these two guys and two girls dressed in togas like Greek Gods (from Poland) on thrones that were mounted up by the bar and seperated by the liquid stock. I figured they were house dancers or strippers or something but then I see each of them has a tub running from their arm like they are rigged up to donate blood. And I watch a guy slap down a 50 Euro bill and this Francis Ford Coppola does Dracula looking-vampire of bartender tuns this shiny chrome spigot at the end of one of the Polish? (Czech? Serb?) guys tube and the blood flows out into a little perhaps half ounce shot glass. I was like no way. This is whack. The barkeep then puts some rum or vodka in withthe blood and the customer drank it. I am thinking about SIDA and Hep C and all that and wondering if booze can kill those bacteria or worms or whatever SIDA is.
I start throwing money around buying drinks for some hot Catalonian Goth chicks. One asks me to buy her a snack in the next room over. We go through this freaky tunnel with velvet walls with dy glow neon pictures of a british crew from the1700s in an open longboat and pictures of Alfred Packer and Hannibal Lechter. I guess homage to Cannibals. The cafe was all bright and quiet and like an American Diner off of TV.The waitress was a 40 sumthing women who looked like she came from Nebraska circa 1965. Kind ofa Johny Rockets thing.
Now here is what is so messed up. The items on the menu all involved cannibalism to a degree. Toasted Cheese sandwich? They had a scientific word for cheese made from human milk. 50 quid. Blood sausage. Figure that out. And the fat they were using to cook everything was from these glass jars. Lipo waste. The must buy the fat from the hospital or plastique surgeons. I almost threw up. They had an item called "Next best thing", which was Chimpanzee meat slow roasted over applewood. I was freaked out but was so into this Catalonian girl or maybe he was Basque. So this big bruiser of a Eastern European security guard comes up to me and in front of the girl is like "So you a big spender? A girl like this is worth throwing some cabbage up in the air." he does this wink thing and then says "There is another room", I am like oh yeah. He nods and starts playing all silent and coy. "Ten thousand Euro for both of you", he says. "Is it safe?" I implore, "Are they street people or homeless or dead from disease or what?" he just sits there with this smug grin and says nothing cept "You want to go to the next room or not".I was sck from my "Hollywood Hips" onion rings and was drunk so I found my friends and left. Do not go to this place. It is gross. I did get that girls number and had he the next day.

Summary: A sick sick place full of trendy uberriche punks