Helping Children Cope with Bereavement (Richmond's Hope)

Member Name: rosebud2001

Product:	Richmond's Hope
Date:	19/07/09 (144 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Specialised counselling for children following the loss of a loved one, fantastic staff

Disadvantages: Localised service only available within Edinburgh and the Lothians

As any regular reader of my reviews will know, my husband passed away last year, leaving me alone with our daughter, who is autistic.

For almost a year after his death, my daughter seemed to be coping reasonably well - I had a child psychologist come to visit and she explained to me that autistic people tend to accept death in a very matter of fact manner and are capable of getting on with things better than so-called "normal" people do.

At first this was the case - and it made my grieving process easier because I didn't have to deal with much in the way of grief from her.

However around January this year, as the first anniversary of my husband's death loomed, I realised that she wasn't coping with things as well as I had thought at first. She was bursting into tears for no obvious reason, which was very unlike her, and she refused to speak to me about her father at all.

I took her to our GP, who gently suggested that hormones were starting to kick in and that perhaps losing her father had hit her harder than we had at first thought, and that perhaps bereavement counselling would be a good idea. I had absolutely no idea if or where this was available for children, but luckily our GP was aware of Richmond's Hope and gave me their telephone number.

~~Initial Contact~~

Richmond's Hope is a local charity which helps children predominantly in Edinburgh and the Lothians.

When I telephoned I was informed that an initial interview session is done at the family home with a counsellor and assistant before counselling is offered. This is to ensure that the child wants to go ahead and is doing it of their own volition and not because they feel they have to go to please adults.

We had to wait a couple of weeks for this initial interview and it was conducted with the counsellor spending time talking to my daughter while the assistant spoke to me in another room.

My daughter hit it off with the counsellor immediately and after the interview declared she was happy to arrange for counselling to go ahead, so sessions were duly arranged for a couple of weeks later.

Richmond's Hope sessions invariably take place during school hours and sure enough my daughter's sessions were on Wednesdays at 3.30 pm, but fortunately the school were very understanding regarding her absence and all absences were authorised.

~~The Sessions~~

Richmond's Hope can be found in Richmond Craigmillar Church, in the south of Edinburgh locale of Niddrie. It is fairly easily accessible from most parts of the city and several Lothian bus routes go past the church.

Children work their way through a workbook in the twelve sessions they have and create various items to place in a memory box that they decorate and will eventually take home with them to keep.

There is a large playroom which my daughter thoroughly enjoyed using and during her sessions she was encouraged to talk about her father at length and was asked to bring in photographs of him to be used in the course of her counselling sessions, both to help the counsellor get to know him better and also to use in creative sessions.

Creative artwork is used as a way of expressing feelings and ensuring that children do not feel it's bad to think about the dead person, but rather to remember them warmly and not feel nervous about discussing them. Some children are scared to talk about the person who has died for fear of upsetting an adult, and the counselling sessions ensure children learn not to worry about this.

At the end of the day the most important part of the counselling offered to children here is done through play, meaning children don't find the sessions a chore or hard to deal with.

~~My Thoughts~~

Within a couple of weeks I noticed my daughter calmed down and was more willing to speak to me about her father - in fact she went from being reluctant to even mention him to being quite happy to chat about him.

She enjoyed the sessions immensely - in the first couple of weeks she made a memory jar with different colours of sand layered inside a jar to represent different memories she had of her dad, a memory board consisting of lots of pictures of her with me and her dad scrap booked together and then placed in a frame which she decorated, and a plant pot which once again she decorated and placed memory notes inside before adding a plant of her choice.

She also really bonded with her counsellor which helped enormously as her autism can make relationships with other people difficult - she tends to either really like an adult or unjustifiably dislike them - and she can dislike adults for rather tenuous reasons.

She was encouraged to talk about things she liked too, and her counsellor let her punch a boxing punch bag, a device used to help children get rid of pent up frustration or anger which are common feelings following bereavement, whilst listening to music my daughter chose herself. This took place in the Volcano Room, a place where children are encouraged to let pent up feelings out, whether these feelings are hurt, anger or frustration.

The only problem we had was as the end of her twelve sessions neared; my daughter became quite worried about saying goodbye to her counsellor and suggested she really needed to see her for longer.

I could see quite clearly what my daughter was doing - she can be very manipulative when she wants to be - and mentioned this to her counsellor, who gently explained how important it was for other children who were hurting badly following the loss of someone they loved to be able to get the same help as my daughter.

The last session loomed last week and I was preparing myself for tears from my daughter but fortunately she accepted that her counselling sessions had come to an end. Her counsellor softened the blow a little by giving my daughter her e-mail address at Richmond's Hope and this cheered my daughter up immediately.

~~Overall~~

I am so glad I learned about this service and approached Richmond's Hope for help. My daughter seems more able to accept what has happened to her and her ability to speak about her father now is a great relief to me.

I have spoken to another lady who lost her husband over ten years ago and explained to me how hard her children took the loss of their father and are still affected by their bereavement to this day, for lack of bereavement counselling at the time of their loss.

I also remember my husband telling me about how the loss of his father deeply affected him for the rest of his life, a sense that his elder brother shared too.

Richmond's Hope isn't just for children who have lost a parent however - children can receive counselling following the loss of a sibling, friend or other close family member. They can help children from the age of 4 up to age 18 too.

I appreciate this is a very localised service but it is one which can offer comfort and support to children at what is invariably a very difficult time and as a result I would like to raise awareness of the work Richmond's Hope does - if anyone sadly needs to use the service they provide then I can highly recommend it.

http://www.richmondshope.org.uk/index.htm

Summary: A bereavement project for children in Edinburgh