Cammie Goes to Hollywood (Hollywood Boulevard)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Hollywood Boulevard
Date:	01/04/03 (91 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Fun, Free Trip

Disadvantages: Lost

I never dreamt that I would visit Hollywood, It just wasn't my thing, and I am an idiot for writing this Opinion to tell about it. My sister, Southernbelle, got my family on one of those stupid gameshows that is recorded in Hollywood so my family went to California to be on it. I am not supposed to even mention the show until it runs in June, but I had to fill out these interrogatories for my divorce and I had to put on there that I got money from this show, so since I already let the cat out of the bag I might as well do it in grand style.

My family and me were hanging out at the NASCAR cafe in Myrtle Beach and we were arguing about stuff. Actually any discussion in my family falls into one of two categories; Loud Agreements and Loud Arguments. We just seem to get very lively when we discuss things. The agreements generally involve stuff like, all these minorities, The Cleveland Indians, Black Sabbath and how Popeye should be killed. Our arguments are about stuff like the role of women in the household, what should be ordered on pizza and how much more of the families money should be spent on Owen's dental care. We were fighting this day. Then some jerk comes up to us and started talked shit about TV. My sister attracts a lot of attention from men and lots of men talk shit to her about Modeling and TV, they just want her to get naked, little do they know is all they need to do is offer her a 10p string of Mardi Gras beads. So this guys claims that he is from this show which I will call "Family Fight". It is a stupid show where two teams consisting of some abstract family group compete with questions culled from demographic surveys. He asked if we would all take a written test to be in the contestant search and We told them that we would do it. We heard back from them the next day saying we could be on their stupid show.

My dad had recently fallen off his motorcycle after drinking a full case of beer and claimed he could not
be on the team. None of us knew what a broken collarbone had to do with being on a gameshow but we were glad to get him off the team since he would have been the weakest link anyways. We decided that we would use Popeye, mom, my sister-Southernbelle, her boyfriend Robear and me. I think they just wanted to make fun of us, that they did not know just because we look like street trash that we read books like "Attitudes and Latitudes" and anything by Paco Underhill. They wanted my dad and me to wear our biker colors on TV but we explained that we can not wear them in California.

So we flew out to Cali. We had to wait around in a reception room to get taped and we amused ourselves by ruining the fruit tray with Bagels that they provided. We figured out that these 5 Armenian women in there were our opponents so we started in on them. They had some sort of attitude to begin with because I had tampered with the smoke detector so I could smoke in there and my sister was giving them a hard time. Popeye was trying to hook up with one of them and my mom told her, "Listen here you big nosed big haired slut, you stay away from my sons". The Armenian girl wanted to know what her problem was and my sister told her that her problem was going to be a shoe in her face is she did not shut up. I wanted to see my sister whup her ass since I have taught my sister how to fight but them bitches backed down. I was already half drunk since I brought my own refreshments, a bottle of Jameson's and I drank it in the taxi cab on the way there. Everyone mistakenly assumes we are poor and hence stupid just because the women in my family are good looking and the men are biker trash. Except popeye, prim, proper Popeye.

We finally got to go on stage and we were all drunk and loud and the producers were giving us a hard time. Lots of times we talk in German when we drink or get nervous and they told us to quit speaking German, we just figured it was bett
er to relax and speak German than huddle together and whisper to each other when you get a chance to steal the pot. The host of the show came over to do our introductions and he kissed my mom and my dad threw a tour book at him and ran up to the stage, my dad did not know that the guy is gay and he started threatening him. I tried to tell my dad that the guy was queer but my dad just kept yelling, "keep your hands off my property, I can kick your ass with just one arm". It took three security guards to sit him down. I don't think they must have as much trouble on game shows as on Jerry Springer since the guards are no where as near as strong as Jerry's. Then the host asks us all nasty if any of us have jobs and he already knew from the papers we filled out that all of us work so I started to say that I am a gay magician and I do illusions and make silk scarves turn into rainbow flags and all this. My mom warned me not to lie like that and kicked me really hard and it made one of my scabs come loose and bleed all over.

Our first question was "Things to keep in the boot of your car". Sis was our captain and got your spare tyre correct and my brother was next and said first aid kit. It got to me and I said "A gun" and my family all said, "Good answer" and the host asked, "Are you people even trying to win", and I got mad because everyone I know keeps a gun in their car. It was one strike, and then my mom laughed and said, "I bet those Greeks over there would say "one of our cousins" if they were traveling across a border. We screwed that one up really bad but those gypsies didn't do any better so we had like 63 points. The next question was "Things not to eat on a first date". We knew it was like Spaghetti, spareribs, beans and seafood and stuff but when they got to me I couldn't control myself. I said what I had to say. I can't help things like that, they just co
me out. My mom took her shoe off and hit me in the face and it cut my lip wide open, Just so you know, I didn't say the obvious thing, but the other thing a bit more dirtier than that and a bit more south. My mom was mad and Popeye was mad and Robear was the only person who supported me. Popeye was all mad and my dad was yelling from the audience at me. I got nervous because everyone was yelling at me and I wanted to run away and cry and smoke but I couldn't.

We ended up losing. No one cared except Popeye, we thought of it as though we screwed the TV show for a free trip. We got some stupid prizes from them, like junky stuff that was too junky to even give as wedding presents to people you don't like. I feel like it was probably my fault. Really we could have only won $5000 and some change which isn't much money especially divided amongst 5 people, I think it was better to have style on there and give them a hard time and waste everyone?s time. Popeye was really mad and said he was going to change his phone number so I could never call him again for being so stupid. My mom got all sorry about hitting me when we got to the hotel and was crying that she hit me on TV over a stupid game and now everyone would think that she is a bad mother. My sister just wanted to go look around the hotel for those Armenians so that she could fight them. We went and took our picture by that big Hollywood sign and then we looked at the stars on the sidewalk. My dad took my picture of me with Harrison Ford's star since he was Han Solo. Then we ate a whole bunch of fish tacos. The next day everyone sobered up and my dad was really mean to me and all of us calling us a bunch of losers and we didn?t even talk to each other on the airplane.

Summary: