Melee in Madrid (Sights & Attractions in Madrid in general)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Sights & Attractions in Madrid in general
Date:	18/01/03 (322 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Good night life (karaoke), cheap central accomondations, Cheap flights 45 quid from Heathrow

Disadvantages: poor quality of street drugs, fake absinthe, mean people

I just came back from a weeklong party in Madrid and I want everyone to know about it. I was to meet up with a "travel club" I am in, truthfully we are nothing but a roving horde of hooligans but our common ties are that each of us practises the Martial Art of Savate, is Roman Catholic, loves to drink and we like to inflict absurd animated violent acts on people we do not like. We started the club after several of us met in Amsterdam back in 1995. most of us are French and Irish. I was pleasently surprised when I got an e-mail two weeks ago suggesting I meet the old club in Madrid.

Like always we decided to stay in the cheapest hostel possible. This is not just a financial consideration but we have found in our travels that low-cost hostels in the off season are much more tolerant of our anti-social antics. We found a nice place for 12 Euros per night right outside of Sol and Plaza Mayor. The qouted price was 12 euros but then to get a locker or a towel you have to pay another euro or to get online you must pay a quid per half hour until you know the folks there, then they ignore the fact you are using their receptionists computer to check e-mail. Breakfast was coffee and biscuits from little packages. They had signs up all over telling us that Drunk people were not permitted on the premises and that you can't put your feet on the tables.

This trip got too stupid too fast. All the blokes showed up with their women which is a clear violation of our charter. Then half the Yanks that showed up were like Phillapinos or something. Then one girl from Ireland was practically using a snow shovel to snort Coke and everyone put up with it since she was buying them drinks. She always had me go with her to buy more even though she was getting ripped off. Just don't buy coke in Santa Ana square.

Here's all the places I went in 7 Days:

The Prado
Casa DeCampos Park
Plaza mayor

Thats it folks
. The Prado was ok, but it is just a bunch of old stuff that people from Flanders painted and none of their signs were in English. There's a place called the Thyssen too, and a real gyppo temple from like King Tut's time that the Egyptians gave to the Portos for helping them recover some stuff.

The Casa De Campos park is at the end of the grey number 10 tube line. Supposedly I read on Worldsexguide.com that the streetwalkers stand out there naked, but it was cold and there were only 4 girls from Gabon or somewhere plying their craft when we went through. People said we went too early but the tube shuts down at 130am.

Plaza Mayor is where they used to kill people. There is some nice painted stuff and a couple of statues and then little shops are all over.

The food is sillie. All they eat is spaghetti and some stuff with baby lobsters on it called Pie-a-uh. Its yellow and comes from a mix in a box. The Spanish are entirely too proud of this concoction. But if you are in a bar and are ordering drinks they give you little snax called Tapas. The first time someone said "Tapas Bar" I thought they said "Topless Bar" so I went. You get better snax if you keep ordering stuff, like you start off with a few dried up sardines and then if you can drink a lot without causing a scene you move up to some damn fine olives and then pieces of sausage on bread. We ate at Bocadillos most of the time where you can get good Bacon and cheese sandwiches for like 2.5 Euros. After the bars close all these Vietnamish people sell sandwiches on the street for three euros that are ok.I think I got good Tapas because I tip good when I guess it is not customary to tip in Spain. I tip everyone though., one way or the other, like I will tip a good waiter money, but I will tip a bad waiter upside down.

If you need money do not go to the cambrios, they cheat you. I had given them 60 real dollars and only got 49.67 euros back but the
n I went to the ATM and 100 Euros cost me 105.70 Americos.

Everyone got too drunk to fight the locals which sucked but I did get to hit a Morrocan kid in the face who was pestering me on Montera Street. I wound up just like Popeye the sailor man and clocked him right in the eye and he fell down and his hat fell off. I don't like people touching me.

One of our guys, a different yank, got totally into all the Romanian and Bulgarian street walkers on Montera street, you have to go up a few blocks past the theater and the tattoo parlors and there is a United Nations cornucopia of streetwalkers to choose from. They had all the same set price-20 euros for them and 5 for the shady hotel they did their work in. This guy I knew said he went there with one Romanian chick and since he speaks Romanian from travel guides she asked him to "just hold me" and tried kissing on him. The rest of the week anytime he would go curbcrawling she would glare at him angerily and give spiteful looks to the other girls. I don't think that is very funny. This dude was totally out of the mood for wreckage over these hookers and whenever we were doing anything he was like a junkie and would sneak off over there and you could tell where he had been because he would run back and take a shower right away and not be mean to people no more. I think it is cool that they have areas full of streetwalkers like that. There were some from Turkey, Columbia and Mexico. My friend said they all hated him because he asked all them whether or not they were Romanian and the South American ones got offended that he only wanted European girls. My friend came back to America and regrets that he did not sleep with the red haired girl from Turkey and has spent a lot of time wishing that he had, or so my friend told me.

We took to getting drunk every night. Liqour is cheap, Beefeater is 11 Euros a bottle, and beer is about 50 p per can at the store. Then you get boxes
of 7% sangria for 1.5 euro. One night I got wasted and had everyone crush all their cans on my forehead. I got bruised up very bad. The next night other people wanted to do it but since all the girls were not strong enough I had to lay on the floor and they would stomp on the cans on my forehead and that hurt. They would play the song "American Badass by Kid Rock when they did this. I have no pictures of the Prado, the night club Kapital or the big open street market they have on Sundays but I have 32 pictures of about 16 different people breaking bottles on me, hitting me with a door we tore off the kitchen and smashing cans on me.

The last night we got drunk and we took turns setting beer cans on each others heads and hitting them off with a cricket bat. They would fly across the street and hit the houses. The next morning the cops came and I thought we were going to the brig but they were there about another noise complaint filed 4 months earlier by the other neighbors.

I fell in love with a girl from Iowa. She was really nice and very literate. She liked me because I was an american badass and she felt safe with me. Unlike all these book smart braggarts in the hostels who play guitar for women and act all sensitive when it came time to go out at night (the guineas don't leave the house to go out until like 1 am) did they want a man who could win an Algerian debate or a man who could explain all the crap about Architechture in Barcelona? This caused us difficulties at the hostel and I ended up beating down one of my own boys in good fun so the others could see what happens to people who irk me.

The one day some Belgian woman I never saw before was there and I asked if she was new and she said no, that she just moved to the second floor because there were several people downstairs who were "severely and entirely drunk" and she had "told the old man working there several times to put the drunks on the street&
quot;. I emphasized with her and said how disappointed I was to pay 12 E a night and not be able to get good sleep.

Overall Spain was just Ok, but it could have been a lot more fun if people had just left their women at home and had come to fight. If anyone wants to join our club you have to e-mail me. I am in charge of it now. And if anyone thinks I am lying about this e-mail me and I will tell you the name of the hostel and you can call there and ask about me, because a lot of people think I am a liar and this one is all true.

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