Remember the Alamo (Sights & Attractions in San Antonio)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Sights & Attractions in San Antonio
Date:	25/07/01 (43 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Looks cool, John Wayne rules, nice souveniers

Disadvantages: Most of it is gone, only the chapel is left

There are two great testaments to America's greatness in the city of San Antonio de Bexar, now called simply San Antonio. The first is the shrine of Texas Independence, the Alamo and the second is Lackland Airforce base. The Alamo is important, so important as to warrant a John Wayne Film being made about it, because when the 183(or 253) brave men who died there perished in the fight for Texians right to squat on Mexican land and hold slaves in this previously slave-free territory. Lackland AFB is important because this is where I took my first steps into becoming the wrecking ball that nearly singlehandedly won the gulf war for the United States and the wimpy coalition of tag alongs and joiners that got in our way over there.

So why Am I writing about the Alamo? Because the British cultural ambassador, John Osbourne, aka Ozzy osbourne went to San Antonio and urinated right on the Alamo. I know in my heart that Prince Andrew would have done the exact same thing, too. It is important to note that the so called Alamo is actually just the Alamo's chapel, the real fort in the fateful battle was much larger and the chapel was merely the south East schwerpunkt. The Fort was basically dismantled by the victorious Mexicans to avoid having to take it back a third time.

So I will explain what happened here so that you Brits will see fit not to defecate or urinate in our hallow halls (I saw some british tourists do the same thing in the GPO in Dublin too). By 1835-1836 many Americans had moved to Texas to start a new life with plenty of cheap land, low taxes and no government interference. But a few agent provacteurs, chiefly the homosexual Stephen Austin, Sam Houston, and William Barrett Travis had come from the heart of the Southern Slavocracy to ensure that Texas would break free from Mexico and become a new Slave state in the US. The ever famous Davey Crockett, king of the wild frontier was getting drummed out of the US parliament at the time
and headed to Texas to stir up trouble. The Texans attacked the fort in 1835 and captured the Mexican garrison and proceeded to rebuild the walls and fortify it. Meanwhile the Mexican leader Santa Ana maria de Lopez (we let some punk with a name like Maria shove us around????) heard about the insurrection and headed north with an army that he practically marched to death overland through freak blizzards. This was actually the last time a Mexican legally entered the Us border and the last time he wasn't carrying a ton of pot with him.
By the time he showed up the Alamo had a few more men, somewhere around 183 or 187 and a few say as many as 253 (while 14 impirical sources say 180-195, santa satan counted 600 defenders) The mexicans hung out a while and recovered from their march and shot cannons at the Alamo. Finally 13 days later they smashed through the walls in a 90 minute battle and killed everyone they found. One guy lied his way out of it, Satan Ana let the black slaves go and mexican women and a white woman and her baby. They even sliced up some sickly 12 year old boys for sport. So anyways all the famous guys got killed and the Texans had their battle cry "Remember the Alamo". A few weeks later, exhausted by their 90 minutes of work for the month the Mexicans were caught napping by a much smaller force of Texans and routed with Satan Ana getting caught in his velvet slippers and pajamas.

So this is why it is holy ground and you should not pee on it. Men died here so that they could have large plantations and slavery in Texas and the protestant faith. Just for the record about 12 citizens of the UK died here at the battle. If you go to the Alamo, if you eat at Wendy's and you sit in the booth by the window you can eat your chili where Travis' brains seeped out of his head after he got shot right there.

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