Real Army Camouflage Make Up (Johnson's Skincare Wipes x 288)

Name: jillmurphy

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Product:	Johnson's Skincare Wipes x 288
Date:	27/10/02 (1371 review reads)
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Some fool (uncle) bought Kieran a Real Army Camouflage Make Up Stick for his birthday. Some fool (father) took both my sons to bed last night without checking their persons for secreted forbidden contraband. Some fool (me) didn't make breakfast as soon she heard them wake and start playing in their bedroom this morning, but snuck an extra hour in bed instead.

There isn't much Real Army Camouflage Make Up Stick left. It is on faces, hands, arms, legs, pyjamas, bedposts, walls, doors...

You might think I got cross. You might think I launched into a parental lecture. You might even think I lost my temper as I viewed the carnage. Well, no so, so ner. I simply went downstairs to retrieve the box of Johnson's baby wipes. A few minutes, ten dirty little cloths and one load of laundry in the machine later, all was well and the soldiers barracked in the largest bedroom had metamorphosed into two miniature Gordon Ramseys of the Murphy kitchen. The conflict arena had shifted to the area of chocolate pancakes a la Zoe Page. Don't worry, I took my wipes with me.

Johnson's baby wipes rock big. We've been using them for seven long years of parent-child hostilities and they've never failed in their role as mother's ultimate weapon. In the course of their long history of home guard they have:

* Removed every single tiny trace of poo from two small (well, fat actually) bottoms, with a single wipe, without leaving any soreness or wetness, and without a single occurence of the dreaded nappy rash.

* Removed every single tiny trace of poo from all the other places it spreads to - fatbaby thigh creases, tummies, backs, legs (yes, it does reach places other poo can't reach) without ever leaving mother smeared in the smelly stuff.

* Removed various dinner remains from the faces, hands, legs, necks, arms, hair of two maniac toddlers quickly, efficiently and without tantrums or tears and
without leaving sore, flakey dry patches on what should be rosy cheeked junior cheeks.

* Wiped the bottoms of two small toddlers potty-trained enough to use the loo, but careless of the Andrex-related hygiene which would get them a pass with honours in this particular junior rite of passage (gimme a brownie point for THAT pun please)

* Removed a harrassed mother's dishevelled make up at half the price of a pack of wipes meant specifically for that purpose without leaving her skin horrible and not causing her eyes to sting.

* Cleaned dried on Weetabix from the kitchen table, the dining room table, the high chair leg, the high chair tray, the splash mat and various can't-be-without-for-a-single-second toys without scratching it or ruining any finishes.

* Rubbed carpets and removed tomato ketchup drip stains, gravy stains, washable felt tip marks, meal-coloured dribble splashes, tea, wine and even coffee spills.

* Kept three computer screens and keyboards as clean and shiny as a new pin without making them static-y as hell.

* And today, they've removed Real Army Camouflage Make Up from the arena of combat known as Conor and Kieran's bedroom.

Versatile little chaps, ain't they? And in that time, they've also made everything they touched smell just grand too, especially recently, since they added the aroma of aloe vera and willowherb. Not only that but they've kept two delicate (ha!) bottoms from soreness and a mother's rapidly-wrinkling face from dry, flakey patches and soreness. What more could you want? I guess I should tell how much they are and what exactly you get for your money.

Well, if you shop at Tesco a pack of 72 wipes will set you back £2.27 which is three pence each, but if you buy a twin pack then you'll pay £3.37 which is a mere two pence each. Each wipe is a small, stretchy, flexible piece of soft cloth which has been impregnated with John
son's baby lotion. I guess the little squares of superness are six or seven inches across, which sounds quite small, but isn't really small at all. Your first days of using them for their primary purpose of infant bottom-wiping will see you waste several wipes on one poo, but as you gain experience of holding two feet in one hand, the wipe in the other and the new nappy between your teeth, you'll find for the most part you need only one. Honest. An entire bedroom and two children coated in Real Army Camouflage Make Up took ten wipes to dispose of this morning, which I think is darn good. And that whole exercise didn't leave the environs soaking wet and needing drying, or with soapy smears; everywhere ended up lovely and shiny and new, thanks to those ten little squares of cloth.

They smell yumptious, and don't contain lanolin, which is the ingredient often blamed for irritating sensitive baby skin and for that reason they work just fine on mummy's face as a make up remover - I even use them for taking off eye make-up with no ill effects - and the new addition of aloe vera has an added protective effect. Basically the moist cloths, impregnated with lotion, work like soap but very gently. They're not cheap nasty but wet paper towels that are overly astringent, they're soft, stretchy cloth with a gentle but efficient effect. Johnson's aren't the thickest baby wipes on the market - that honour would go to Huggies wipes in my experience - but they are the softest and most flexible, and I do think you get more wipe for your shekel for that reason. Their cleansing power is remarkable; they truly are the only things I know that can remove baked on Weetabix spills from a table top or high chair leg with the minimum of effort and not a surface scratch in sight. The only drawback that I can think of is that Johnsons, like most other baby wipes, aren't really bio-degradable so you can't flush them down the loo, and you h
ave to cope with the guilt of being part of this horrible throwaway generation in which we find ourselves living. I'm generally good about all that kind of thing though, and I think I'm allowed one small lapse of greenness, so there.

Slightly more expensive, at two pence per wipe, than a paper version, Johnson's Wipes compare well in price to all the other brands on the supermarket shelf, even the own brands aren't much cheaper. And in comparison to proprietary make-up removing wipes such as Nivea, which clock up at an extortionate ten, twelve or even fourteen pence per cloth, they're a snip. And yes, you can use them for cleaning your computer screen, and keyboard too!

Privates Murphy and Murphy are on extra parade duty tonight, by the way.

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