| Product: |
Fryers / Toasters / Sandwich Makers in general |
| Date: |
22/11/01 (227 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: It makes toast., Just watching toast pop up is suprising and fun!, One word: Marmite.
Disadvantages: Not particularly exciting
Toast. What a wonderful thing it is. Brown or white? Jam or Marmite? Peanut butter? Lightly toasted or taken to a charcoal-level of heat? How you prepare your toast says a lot about you. I don't know what, but it should do!
Personally, I am a very lightly toasted white bread man, with a light margarine and marmite spread. Although I have occasionally ventured in to the world of crumpets, and even more occasionally sneaking my way in to hot cross buns and white mini-baguettes, I remain loyally faithful to the original white toast.
But, take the brown bread army out there. The people who have it along with their morning coffee, are the sneaky evil people like my parents. Until I showed them the real way is white, they were always wholemeal people. White bread does indeed rule my roost. Occasionally I have had to resort to the wholemeal in the unfortunate situation that white isn't available. Please note that I am not prejudiced in any way.
But bread is not the be all and end all of the toastable products. The main competitor to it's crown is crumpets. The highly unavailable food is fit for a king, but seems to be unlocatable in supermarkets. On the rare occasion that I do find some, they go straight in to my lovely four piece toaster, which I highly reccomend for you family-people out there. No, it goes straight in and gets a level three toasting. Meanwhile, standard white sliced only gets a level one toasting. On the rare occasion that I eat brown bread, I put it on level two. Bizarre eh? On the crumpet subject, after a long discussion with my brother, we are still in disagreement. In my eyes, and the eyes of every sensible person, you only need to use butter lightly melted over the crumpet to give it a rich, sensual taste. But my brother much prefers the taste of Cadbury's chocolate spread. Fool. If you have an opinion on this, firstly, go and try some buttered crumpets, and if your still in disagreement, I welcome comments
below. Fools... all of them. Jam? Puh. Chocolate spread? No way. If it ain't butter, it can suck my boots, baby.
If your wondering why I wrote these irreverent bizarreness, then I'll tell you. It was a bet. No, a challenge. I was talking to a dooyoo-challenged friend who indeed challenged me to write an opinion on toast. So, to inform you of the different types of toast, toasting machines (otherwise known as 'toasters'), and even more bizarre those funny toasted sandwich makers.
One thing I do not understand is Vogel's bread. You know the stuff, that really horrible brown bread that tastes like badly-formed faeces. It's got tons and tons of nuts all over it. I hate the stuff. You can toast it, but in the process it goes all mouldy and all the nuts and seeds fall off and in to your toaster. They then become a real pain to get out. It doesn't taste particularly good, and like everything that's good for you (think Ryvita) the essence is "No Pain, No Gain". Wise words indeed.
Another very bizarre thing that is going on in the toastable products market at the moment is forward thinking companies such as Hovis who years ago predicted the potential conflict between white-bread loving children and their much more mature brown-breaded parentals. So they have made these 'crossover' breads which use the two different and totally distinct styles of bread to create a hybrid, unique style. Is it genetically modified? Possibly. Is it a freaky new loaf that they found hidden in a secret bunker in Mongolia that's run by an overweight bread fanatic called Brian? Quite possibly indeed. I haven't tasted it, as I have not got the time or greed to try it out. I'm happy with my white bread thank you very much. Just buy two loaves. It's much easier! No, please Mr Hovis man, don't shoot me, I know I'm inciting people not to buy hybrid white/brown combination bread... Please, spare me.
So, as this is 'Toasters, Fryers and Sandwich Makers in General', I really should talk about my toaster. Mine is a simple Kenwood brand machine just picked randomly from a catalogue or shop. But it has a very innovative, useful feature, that on my machine is slightly broken. That is a 'hi-rise tray' that lets you toast things that could not normally be put in to a toaster. Such things such as hot cross buns, bagels, bread rolls, pasties, fingernail rolls, the suprisingly tasty chocolate 'pain' (french for bread, duh... chocolate pain? Chocolate pain more like.), and brioche (a current favourite among toast-fetishists, as I count myself). Osama bun Laden (hee hee) eat your bread out...
The other bread preparation machine that I like to use is the toasted sandwhich maker. This machine is nifty as 'ell. You can put two slices of bread in to it, with a filling inside such as cheese, pickle, ham, Marmite (a favourite of mine), chocolate (ooh, sticky!), caramel (shove some sugar in for a caramel treat), and a whole other variety of products to create a toasted sandwhich from heaven. You can even use tomato ketchup. Well, maybe not. My toastie maker has variable heat settings, a pre-heater and warning lights to tell you when your toast is ready. Those things weigh an absolute ton-and-a-half, cost about the same and don't do a great deal. But, if you love toasties are an essential purchase. Get. One. Now.
Another aspect of bread, toasters and toasting products is grilling. To grill or not to grill? I am a firm non-griller, and much prefer my toaster just due to the fact that it's a whole lot simpler and for a walking, talking dinosaur is a lot easier to use than all this new-fangled grill methods. You either put it in for too short a time, and wonder why it's cold, or put it in too long. How precisely, short of being (Insert your favourite TV chef here) can you learn how to grill bread? It's a nigh-on nightm
are.
Frying on the other hand is a completely different matter. It can actually be used for good purposes. You can have fried bread, which can be served with ham, egg, bacon, tomato etc. in a typical English breakfast, or a popular pastime of mine is to actually dip the bread in egg before frying it to create an egg-encrusted 'dippy' bread which can be then served with tomato ketchup. A good, filling and unhealthy breakfast. But it's damn nice!
On average, a toaster will cost you around £20 - £40 and, in my eyes anyway, it is money well spent. What else is used daily, provides hefty amount of tasty food, and can be operated without having to read a manual (this ain't your average VCR...), and can be bought for less than half a ton? Go on, get a toaster. It's worth every penny in my eyes. And no, they don't plug in via USB, I'm afraid. Keep an eye out for the Firewire one though...
TOAST IS THE WAY FORWARD!
This opinion is dedicated to John Foster for the very bizarre idea, and Todd L (look 'im up on Dooyoo and wrongplanet.cjb.net) for the suggestions to start a crumpet-related flame war. Oh, and the title is from Red Dwarf, I think.
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