I have no self control when it comes to chocolate. None. A packet of penguins lasts very little time in my house and if I had to criticise them in any way, I’d say they were too small. The Penguins on the wrappers used to wear suits or at least bow ties, but these days they are naked - perhaps taking marketing tips from Holly Valance – maybe we can look forward to some shock tactics, gay penguins or something. Over 65 years old, they’ve obviously moved with the times.

For anyone who doesn’t know what a penguin tastes like, it’s two layers of very dense but thin chocolate biscuit with a layer of chocolate cream in between and an outer coating of slightly rippled chocolate. There is considerably less chocolate cream than there was in my opinion. I have scientifically tested this, it used to cover the feet of a Lego man when I was 4 and it no longer does. (For the record, I used an old-skool Lego man, so this isn’t a new model with smaller feet.)

These are made by McVities, the makers of Digestives and Mini Cheddars. As mentioned they are dense, not the light crumbly digestive texture, the biscuits in these are more comparable to Mini-Cheddars. The cream is the flavour of a mild drinking chocolate and the outer layer more closely related to Nestle chocolate than Cadbury. So, what’s so special about them? I’ll tell you – they’re like really nice, expensive tasting, chocolate bourbon biscuits.

They come in 9, 18 and 24 packs, milk chocolate, mint, orange or a mixture of the three flavours in a variety pack. The orange has that Terry’s chocolate orange taste about it and the mint is like a mild after eight. So hard to describe these tastes but suffice to say, neither is overly sharp or tangy. They have that sweet syntheticity about them and for my money, the original is the best.

What of my money? – at present I have very little until I find that elusive high paid flexitime job. Doubtless, I won’t be able to make time then to write reviews on well known chocolate bars. But somehow, like any addict, I find the money to support my Penguin habit by robbing grannies and taking their stuff to Cash Converters. A packet of 9 penguins sets me back a paltry 98p and they are very often on special offer – e.g two packets for the price of one. They are so often blessedly price marked, preventing my local corner shop from skanking me. A 9 pack at 99p means that each Penguin is costing me 11p, an 18 pack at £1.79 works out at 10p each and the 24 pack at £2.20 brings them in at 9p each. In the case of Penguins you do well to take a long sighted approach. The price doesn’t compare favourably to supermarket own brands, but it’s fair enough. You used to be able to buy them individually for 15p when I was a kid, so I’ve no objections to 9p!

I am also a fan of Penguin cake bars, although I think the cake itself (used instead of the biscuit, but the same formula) lacks delicacy and the cream appears to have gelled. These could have been better. But I’ll leave them for another time. There are new Penguin mini rolls out too.

The Penguin biscuits are relatively low in saturated fat and calories. With 133 Calories and 6.8g of fat, they’re unlikely to put you in hospital (unless you were to only eat penguins or perhaps to choke on one). God knows how many calories are in the enormous Penguin that features on the site that used to be Pimp My Snack and is now Pimp That Snack, http://www.pimpthatsnack.com/project.php?projectID =38. Well worth a look and contains the recipe if you like ‘em as much as I do.

Penguins have minimal packaging, featuring their trademark Emperor Penguin and are easy to open – just 1 plastic sleeve involved in the outer multipack wrap and one easy tear red and blue wrapper for each individual penguin. This packaging features some lame jokes with the answer under the fold and occasionally some interesting animal facts. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes… They haven’t changed these in years and despite knowing them by heart I persist in reading them. Penguins are the perfect size for lunchboxes and emergency handbag chocolate and don’t seem to melt as quick in the summer heat as some other chocolate confectionery. Worst ways you can crush them, tear off a corner and suck the contents out. I don’t recommend eating the wrapping.

Penguins contain; Milk chocolate (28%) (sugar, cocoa butter, cocoa mass, dried skimmed milk, dried whey, butter oil, vegetable fat, emulsifiers (soya lecithin, E476), flavourings), wheat flour, sugar, vegetable oil, glucose fructose syrup, fat reduced cocoa powder, raising agents (ammonium bicarbonite, sodium bicarbonite), flavourings, salt. Contains: Milk, soya and gluten.

GM Free, Veggie friendly and no nuts.