Bellies...boilers... bullseyes...and beer! (Darts - General)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Darts - General
Date:	13/01/09 (234 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Anything but Songs of Praise

Disadvantages: Very working class

I reckon the darts commentary on TV sounds like mathematicians having orgasms.180!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. Then you can just hear the muffled wife under the flab saying, '65 more like luv! I wonder if the darts players other halves ever ask for a kiss on the double top and three in the treble twenty.lol. Darts is not a virile sport guys and it's not been a sexy week on the BBC for its world championship coverage. Like snooker it's strictly a lazy television event, the definition of armchair sport, unless you're into big fat sweaty men and tattoos! You know who you are girls.

There have been some rough old birds in the audience for this year's Championship at the Lakeside and for the love of me I don't know why the BBC bother with showing darts live at prime time. It's not remotely glamorous and I almost preferred Aled Jones and Song of Praise on Sunday instead of the final. It even delayed Top Gear. To be fair the standard of darts crumpet has improved with the paychecks on offer after Sky's involvement. New World Champion Ted Hankeys girl was young and quite nice, when you consider the monster truck she is dating. Maybe she can smell the money over the body odour. But with Sky on board there is at least a real fresh sense of theater to it all, if you like that sort of thing. Its believed Ronny O`Sullivans latest outburst over snookers lack of the X Factor was down to his enjoyment of the darts finals and the way they have embraced theatre to move the sport on.

Darts is clearly not a 'BBC sport' today and when the commentators say there's been twenty tons on the 'ochie' in the match so far they are clearly referring to the weight of the players! My old man used to say that if they don't change your footwear then it's not sport, and as we all know, the training regime for 'arrows' is ten pits and three triple vodkas, brilliantly parodied in that Not the Nine O'clock News sketch.

A darts crowd always reminds me of the people you see in chip shops, very working class and somewhat unhealthy. Again is this what sport is about? Watching bits of this week's championship there were more tattoos and chunky gold jewelry on show than an illegal Irish traveler camp dog fight-and that's just the women! It's as working class as the ballet is middle-class, ironic, really, as the Lakeside is in Frimley Green, the heart of the leafy Surrey stockbroker belt.

Darts acrimoniously spilt in the early 90s when the best players went with Sky and their fledgling PDC organization. They staged their own tournaments, including their own world championships, deliberately held the week before the BDO event to scupper it. As Sky support the December event it has always had a much bigger prize money, and the best player the game, Phil 'The power' Taylor, winning the title last week for a 4th time. It was quite a comeback by Taylor as it looked like he would never win the world crown again after 11 victories through the nineties and early millennium, John Part and Ray Barneveld the only ones to dent his crown. The Ally Pally would be Taylor's revenge last month, seeing off Barneveld in the spiritual home of darts for that record title.

The BDO final on the BBC was between Ted Hankey and Tony O, Shea. Ted is known as 'The Count' because he looks like Dracula (not the Tom Cruise one but the Belo Lagosi one...after a few pies). Ted won the championship back in 2001 and nearly defended it in 2002, but hasn't been back to the final until last week. His opponent, O`Shea, known as the 'Silverback', was in his first final. One of the unique features of this event is pretty much any bloke off the street who plays pub darts to a high level is able to win this if he gets the luck. Last years champion was one such guy, Mark Webster of Wales, the winner of this tournament over the years far more capricious, six different guys winning the last six titles. The PDC events tend to be a closed shop with smaller fields and if you have even played for a pub team and not signed up with the PDC you can't play. The BDO are as equally vicious in this battle and have split families apart over allgiances, the friendship between commentators Sid Waddell and 'Tony Bullseye' Green one of the victims.

Ted Hankey would clinch the title on the final and deciding set, a sweaty and red faced O`Shea winning the sets when he had to keep the pressure on for an exciting final. The Count picked up the trophy (which looked remarkably like the FA Cup) in front of a raucous crowd, taking the plaudits before walking off in his cape to his rather odd and out of place 'Hard House' theme tune. The press and relatives room back stage was as equally beery and loud, pats on the back all around, the Mr Bling of darts himself in Bobby George there to interview Ted alongside the BBCs Mr Nice in Ray Stubbs. If you're a women into chunky jewelry and big fat sweaty men than it was the Chippendales up on the stage for Sunday nights theater but if you weren't fan then it was only about the impressive accuracy of the arrows. Yes it's great that anyone who can play darts in the pub and get reasonably good can enter this tournament but it isn't sport and these guys are mostly unheard of.

As its been a fortnight of darts and snooker for the BBC, I cant write this short review without mentioning the sad death of David Vine, the front man for both shows, and Ski Sunday, of course, for most of the 70s and 80s. Vine is not the guy you think he is by looking at the familiar TV images and warm manner. When I read 'Belly & Bullseyes', the autobiography of the now rebel PDC darts commentator Sid Waddell, I was amazed at what a character Vine was, always up for a late night session and not afraid of the ladies, often breaking into song with Tony Gubba at BBC events. He knew his way around whiskey and the places Terry Venables drank and lived a full life and fair play to him for that.

http://www.bdodarts.com/
http://www.lakesideworlddarts.co.uk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Split_in_darts

Summary: Its not a sport..