Product Type: Haribo Sweets
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Putting the 'ow' in Maoam
Haribo Maoam Stripes
Member Name: LadyAudley
Haribo Maoam Stripes
Advantages: Great if you are under 10
Disadvantages: Horrible if you aren't
When I was in Edinburgh recently, I was accosted by a person dressed as a giant blueberry, who insisted on shoving a packet of Maoam Stripes into my hand. Though having sweeties forced upon you isn't the most unpleasant experience ever, I have to say I was skeptical about these chews.
Firstly, they are so brightly coloured that they practically glow in the dark. In my experience, this isn't usually a sign that great flavour lies within. Secondly, they are absolutely rock hard, suggesting that you probably need the jaw strength of a T-Rex to get through them. Finally, they come in a luridly coloured individual packets which have pictures of fruit surfing on a sea of candy. Surfing animals I can just about cope with, but FRUIT? On a SURFBOARD? My mind is melting.
Sure enough, when I bit into these they proved to be absolutely revolting. The texture is a bit like chewing a partially melted car tyre that has been steeped in some kind of sticky acidic substance from an alien planet. Your teeth are literally welded together by the chews, to the point that you could asphyxiate if you ate these with a bad cold. However, worse things away as the chew starts to loosen and melt in your mouth, because this is when the flavour starts to kick in. These things taste like space food from some dystopian, pleasureless future where everyone prefers to pop nutritious blue pills instead of eating food. Imagine cheap pop crossed with e-numbers masquerading as fruit, with a side of industrial effluent and you will have a vague impression of the overall effect.
Admittedly, as a 30 year old woman, I'm probably not the target market for these. I would probably have loved them to bits when I was seven and able to consume cane sugar straight out of the packet without batting an eyelid. Though they would still have rotted my teeth and possibly my stomach lining too. Also, they contain gelatine so aren't suitable for vegetarians. Boo.
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