Tubular hell! (Underground in general)

Member Name: jacquelina

Product:	Underground in general
Date:	16/05/01 (135 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Imagine London without it?

Disadvantages: Claustrophobic, Poor service at times

Now this is going to be a bit of a random and disjointed opinion - you have been warned. I haven't had enough experience of the tube to provide info on several different lines and their good and bad points, so I'm just going to write about what experience I have had of the tube, and keep it updated.

When I first came to London I made all the usual naive newcomers observations - people are so rude, nobody ever says sorry, everyone's in such a hurry.....now, I am one of those people. Pushy, unapologetic, stubbornly reading my book on the tube despite being squished into a space too small to extend a finger in. If you spend 2 hours a day with the various limbs of London commuters embedded into your torso, it's inevitable that a little bit of them is going to rub off on you.


My nearest tube is Finchley Road. Lots of tramps seem to inhabit this station. They keep pet pigeons which shit, sorry I mean sit on their shoulders. The staff at this station are really nice.....in the morning. Meet them at 6 in the evening and boy, talk about Jekyll and Hyde!! I have a problem with my tube pass - it keeps getting demagnetised by my bag clasp, or so they tell me. So I have to go through the 'special barriers' instead of the turnstiles. In the morning, I am sweetly ushered through the barriers, no questions asked, sometimes with an added 'have a nice day'. By the evening, this ray of light has been replaced by a surly stormcloud, who insists on asking me what is wrong with my pass even though they know exactly what's wrong with it, and giving me a lecture on getting it replaced.

Every day I get on the Jubilee line from Finchley Road to Green Park, and then, depending on my mood or the weather, walk to my work near Hyde Park Corner, or get the tube from Green Park to Hyde Park corner. My first question is...how come it is a 5 minute walk from Green Park tube to Hyde Park corner, yet the tube itself, which goes in a s
traight line and, I presume, goes faster than your average person walking to work, takes the same amount of time? Very curious about that one.

I have read Spacelamb's good and informative crowned opinion about the Jubilee line and I agree with most of it. The Jubilee line does pass through some great London attractions, and some of the stations are very hi-tech and safe...and that's where my praise ends.

I use the Jubilee line every day, and am usually anything but jubilant by the time I get off it.. As it pulls into Finchley Road after a particularly bad journey and everyone is spewed out onto the platform I feel like throwing myself at the feet of those who are waiting to get on and grabbing their ankles in an elbow-lock screaming 'No, please don't go on there, save yourselves!!!'


WHATS WITH ALL THE DELAYS???

The most common reasons are...

1) Signal failure

Ok, I know signal failure is not a problem exclusive to the Jubilee line, but every time I get on the damn train? No I'm not exaggerating - I'd estimate that maybe once in every 10 days of travelling my journey to or from work goes as it is supposed to, stopping only at the stations it is supposed to rather than at the stations AND in the tunnels between the stations too.

2) Activation of the Passenger alarm.

The poor people who use the Jubilee line seem to be more prone to fainting and having bouts of travel sickness than other tube users.

3) Problems with the doors

This is usually due to either:

a) Passengers leaning on the doors - unavoidable about 80% of the time

b) The driver's pilot light has gone out. His what? Oh I love the way they think they can fob you off with their technical jargon. When we actually stopped in a tunnel and the driver got out of his little box and checked each and every door in turn to see if it was shut properly - well, now I kno
w that it's the light that indicates to the driver that all the doors are shut properly, obviously.

4) Defective trains
Well, talk about vague. Defective train? It could be any number of things. But no, I dont fancy continuing my journey on a defective train, no siree. If the defective train is very badly defective, you might find yourself being 'detrained'. Yes, they actually use this word! Everyone off the train and onto the platform which is usually pretty full already, whilst the poor little 'defective' train is driven off to tube hospital to get well again. Where do the defective trains go I wonder - do they just trundle on from station to station, tricking passengers into thinking they're going home at last, slowing down so it looks like they're about to stop and then, oh, no they're off again!


A common occurence at Finchley Road tube station on a weekday morning is the announcement ' The next Southbound Jubilee line train is full and there are SEVERE delays on the line - we advise you to take the Metropolitan Line train instead and change where neccessary'. You see, I've heard it so many times I know it off by heart! Normally I ignore these announcements, preferring to squeeze onto the Jubilee line and suffer for half an hour or so - better the devil you know and all that. One time I did get on the Metropolitan Line, figuring I could change at Baker Street and er, join the even busier Jubilee Line there. What was I thinking? As it happened, I didnt have to do this anyway - Baker Street station was closed, our driver informed us as we approached, due to overcrowding. I was very confused then, as we crawled through an eerily deserted Baker Street station, to hear a disembodied voice urging the last people to leave the station due to.. a security alert. Eh? I'm beginning to suspect that these people just make it up as they go along? That day I arrived at work at a record breaking 10a.m!


Other reasons for the delays I have heard are... (I will keep this section updated):

'dog on the track' - certainly original
(anyone with any other silly excuses let me know by email and I'll add 'em, quoting your dooyoo names of course)

Westminster and Canary Wharf stations are certainly very advanced, though I think they are absolutely hideously depressing. If they are representative of the future then here's to dying young. I definitely approve of the glass barriers between the platform and the train though - they don't open until the train has stopped - making the whole experience of getting on the tube completely safe. Am I the only person who gets scared that some lunatic's gonna push you in front of the train as it pulls into the station?! Or even worse, that you'll get some mad, uncontrollable urge to jump?

But seriously, why just these select stations - if you are gonna do a job do it properly - all stations should be made as safe as possible no matter what the cost. Rail safety is as much about the stations and the tracks as it is the trains, as we all know.

Now for another gripe - nutters;

That damn tunnel at Green Park - if someone's got it in for you there ain't no way you're escaping them along this particular stretch. And why does everyone pick on me?

After one particularly stressful Friday I was relieved beyond belief to be on my way home on the tube. I made my usual switch at Green Park, and as I was walking up the stairs, I noticed a fairly normal looking guy, carrying, oh oh, a megaphone. I overtook him on the stairs, my first mistake, and then it started. 'Are you a Christian?' 'No' 'Do you believe in God' 'No'. Now the clever thing to do of course would have been to say 'Yes, yes my friend I do indeed, halleluyah praise be to God etc etc' and hurry on my way. Instead, I managed to antagonise h
im into a full on tirade THROUGH THE MEGAPHONE about ME and my LIES and my SINS. 'I'm not really in the mood for a religious debate', I said politely, trying to evade him by weaving in and out of the lanes. I managed eventually, but not before his pièce de resistance - 'YOU'RE GOING TO HELL AND NOBODYS GOING TO SAVE YOU!!!'. Thank you kindly, the perfect end to a shitty day. A few nights later I got caught in a thunderstorm and his words came back to haunt me. I ended up getting soaked as I was too scared to put my umbrella up incase I got zapped and went to hell.

I have also been subject to a pathetic attempt at molestation along this corridor from hell, by, get this, a boy who looked no older than 14. The sordid little affair began on the Picadilly line, and then the little blighter foiled all my attempts to evade him despite RUNNING down that bloody long passage and fleeing into the last carriage on the Jubilee line train as the doors were shutting. I shoved my way into the middle of the train where I thought I was safe, and then I felt someone breathing down my neck and a hand touch my thigh. Why I didnt turn around and bat him on the head I have no idea - instead I spent the whole journey making exasperated huffing noises and turning round with an accusing look on my face. We women are so pathetic sometimes, but really, if I'd shouted it 'hey, this kid is molesting me' or something I probably would have been laughed off the train.

To sum it all up, I'd say that obviously, the tubes are a vital, invaluable source of transport for millions of people living in, working in and visiting London. However, tube bosses should not be of the opinion that just because many of us don't have a choice, we'll put up with endless delays, safety negligence and traumatic commuting experiences.

PS Sorry that this review hasnt been very informative regarding tube prices, train times etc, but I think that a
ll that info can be found on www.londontransport.co.uk

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