Who makes a good time great? Not this shower of sh*te... (Haven Holidays in general)

Member Name: angry chris

Product:	Haven Holidays in general
Date:	16/12/02 (5597 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Tiger club is popular with the kids, Facilities are OK, Reasonably easy to travel to

Disadvantages: Prices are extortionate, Staff are mostly ar*eholes, Bourne Leisure is run by mostly ar*eholes

Before I start-can I first thank everyone who has responded to my last few ops-I know that I have not read and rate as much as usual-but I will catch up ASAP. Due to a severe lack of space in my house and the appearence of a massive Christmas tree, the computer has been dismantled until after the New Year, and so this is the last op I will write until then...

On a cold and windy afternoon in January 2001, after a vehrment disagreement with our lass, I decided to respond to an ad in the local rag for seasonal Barpersons over the summer in that sunny seaside resort of Scarborough. Deciding the time was right to get out of the s**thole that is Gateshead, I went for an interview, was sucessful, and three months later found myself in "Blue Dolphin"-one of Havens largest holiday parks on the North East coast.

For the uninitiated, Haven Holidays is the largest providers of Self Catering holidays in the UK. For a varying price-depending on the time of year-you can find yourself living in a caravan for a week on one of over 50 sites throughout the UK, stretching all the way from Scorland in the North right down to the Isle of Wight in the South.

At your travel agents, you will be offered a choice between Bronze, Silver and Gold accommodation. The Bronze is the bog standard stuff, while the Gold Caravans tend to resemlbe palaces on wheels. Fitted kitchens and fully furnished sitting rooms tend to be the norm at the top of the range stuff. However, in the middle of summer, a week in one of these will set you back nigh on 800 quid-so save up if you want the lap of Caravan Luxury!!!

Once there, you will be greeted by the "Havenmates"-a bunch of fresh faced youngsters who are basically Redcoats in deckchair coloured uniforms- you will find it hard not to laugh when you see them...

Most of the Parks will have several pubs, along with one main club- this is where any entertainment and live performances will take

place. Around the May Bank Holiday-you will be treated to "Star Caberet", when the likes of Shawaddywaddy and Little and Large will peform for one last payday. The clubs will have varying opening hours, but late licenses are far from uncommen, so expect most sites to have one venue open until 2am.

The kids club is called "Tiger Club"- and basically revolves around a havenmate dressed in a tiger costume and calling themselves Rory. The club can be used to give the parents a well needed few hours break from the sprogs if necessary.

The teenagers are treated to "T-Co", a club for the 13-17 year olds where a Havenmate will sit powerlessly while a bunch of teens sit and smoke cigarettes instead of the taking part in the scheduled activity-which is usually "Killer Darts" or something similar.

Once a week in the main venue, their is a talent show, which is judged by a random panel of holiday makers. The winners will receive a free holiday in October when they are invited back for a second try and a chance to win the "Big Prizes"(Ooooooooooohhh...)

On most sites, amoungst other things,you will find a doctor surgary(if the food gets the better of you...), a cafe/takeaway, an Amusement arcade, Sports faciltities including a football pitch, indoor sports hall etc and a beach-all designed to give you a great holiday...

Its been a long time since I have lived up to my Dooyoo user name-but allow me to do so now...

All of the above is what the brochure will tell you, and in the strictest possible sense, it is the truth. However, let me tell you what happened while I was there.

In the Spring of 2001, Haven Holidays, along with other well known holiday groups such as Butlins and Oasis, were owned by Rank Leisure, an enormous company worth millions of pounds. They decided that they wanted to sell their holiday based assets while the going was good, and allowed
thems
elves to be taken over by a company called Bourne Leisure in April 2001. Bourne promised to spend millions of pounds doing the same to Haven sites as Rank did to the Butlins sites in the late 1990's. So far, they have spent precisely dick.

Each site is run by a General Manager, who is taught to tell any customer who is unhappy that they are welcome to return for free later in the year. What he neglects to mention is that the on site facilities will remain at the same price for their return visit.
The General Manager is usually a bloke with a 2:2 degree in Business Admin and has no bar, catering, maintainance or otherwise experience. Staff will only see him when they are in the s**t.

Below him is the Complex Manager, who does the actual running of the park, the hiring and firing etc. He will have worked for the park for at least three years, and will usually have started our as a humble barman. Almost without exception, he will be a lazy, ass-licking piece of turd, who has brownnosed his way up the ladder in an attempt to gain the authority to stand at the edge of the bar every night and get pissed and still tell his underlings what to do.

Below that is the Supervisors and department managers. They are the people who actually have experience in their area of work, but have almost no authority whatsoever. Their main purpose is to take the flak when something goes wrong.

After this is the cannon fodder-the bar staff,, burger flippers and the like, and they are basically there to keep punters happy. If they fail to do so, they are considered dispensable.

Not mentioned above are "Caravan Sales". These people are paid commission to persuade holiday makers that instead of going home at the end of the week, they should actually buy a caravan, so they can return as and when they like. For a decent carava, the asking price is around £25K. It is also a massivlely depreciating asset:they lose ar
ound 2 and
a half grand a year in value. Ground or Site fees have to be paid annually, at a cost of about 2 grand a year. Of course, non of the sales reps mention these things when you sign away a second mortgage...

Speaking of second mortgages, you will need one to survive a week at a Haven site. Even if you take advantage of the cheap holidays offered in some Tabloid newspapers(affectionately known as "Scum Week" by the staff...), be prepared for a shock on arrival. Fancy washing your clothes? £5 a turn. Thirsty? Try around £2.50 a pjnt in any of the venues. If you want a bite to eat in the resteraunt- be prepared for a succulent frozen meal, prepared freshly in the Microwave, and a bargain at a tenner a pop(trust me I know-as a catering supervisor I ordered the stock...)

If you go in the arcade and win on the fruit machines, the manager of the arcade is trained to make up an excuse and remove you from the arcade. The machines are actually set to a lower percentage payout then they say they are.

Oh the fond memories I have. A particular favouritre is the time that, during the training week, I was daft enough to allow some of the staff back to my Caravan for a drink. After being plyed with enough drink to fell an elephant, I fell through my bedroom window. And the reaction of my "mates"? They smashed up my Caravan, stole my mobile and CD's before leaving me on the floor in a near coma, covered in blood.

Another great memory is the time the gypsies came to stay on the touring field. Our crack team of ancient security men went to tackle the problem, and ended up being taken hostage at gunpoint. The armed reposnse team were a regular feature of the park...

Needless to say, after two months I left Blue Dolphin and moved a couple of miles up the coast to Cayton Bay-also a Haven site at the time. It was at this time that Bourne Leisure showed their true colours. They sold 13 of the
re medium sized
parks to a new company called Park Resorts, who funnily enough happened to be managed by a group of former Rank Leisure board members! At present, they have now sold 16 back to Park resorts, and there are plans to sell another ten in the next 12 months.

Bourne Leisure are parasites, who aim to make as much money as they can before selling Haven back tom it's original owner. They are riddlied by arrogance, right to the core, because they know they own the biggest and most well established Caravan business in the UK.
They care absolutely tuppance about their customers. They charge ridiculous prices in an attempt to milk as much as possible from people who visit their parks because in the most part they fell they can't afford to go abroad. Staff are inexperienced and undertrained, and are mainly there not for the benefit of paying customers, but moreover to s**g as many of the guests as they can. Many of the staff are sacked within 3 months:usually for theft.
he Havenmates are so arrogant that in their contract of employement there is a clause stating that "they must not feel that they are superior to other staff or holidaymakers..." I kid you not.

Food is cheap and nasty, but sold at a hideous mark-up. The beer is watered down. The fruit machines are even more rigged than usual. Everything is geared to bleeding customers dry.

If after this you still want to go next year, so be it. But remember, this op comes from a person who has worked there and at other parks(try Park Resorts, they are a much better bet). Haven believe that you are a mug. Don't prove them right...

Thank you for reading and rating this op.

I will spend the next few weeks just reading and rating-so to all "Dooyooers"-a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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