..And the Heavens opened, and thereupon God appeared and said... (CBeebies)

Member Name: Emma1973

Product:	CBeebies
Date:	21/02/03 (1506 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Keeps the kids quiet

Disadvantages: Apparently too much telly rots your brain

And lo', God appeared to us and said 'I am not happy my children, I command you to watch Cbeebies and tell me the lessons that you have learned'

So I set to work....

The day was not going well at all, I was still poorly, my eldest had an in-service day, the childminder phoned up sick so I was left with the 3yr old as well. My peace was nigh well shattered.
Then after 2 hours of mayhem, I did the inevitable...I switched to channel 622 on Sky and proceeded to destroy my sons social skills!!

Cbeebies is 13 hours of non-stop toddler programmes, both new and old favourites.
The good oldies are Andy Pandy, Noddy and Bill and Ben, but they've been tampered with, updated, now in 3d puppets? I'm still as scared as ever of Bill and Ben, Andy Pandy isn't the same without the strings, and they are thoroughly sanitised, every story is very moralistic, cant they just provide some entertainment? As an adult I got lots of entertainment out of Muffin the Mule :-P

A few years ago, 4 rather large, colourful, unintelligible to understand superstars exploded onto our screen, no it wasn't the Spice Girls without Geri, it was the legendary TELETUBBIES. Boys with handbags, a baby in a sun, a penchant for pink custard and the ability to make many children's first word to be E'Oh. As parents recoil from the mass marketing they're still my sons favourite show, doesn't teach them anything, its purely for entertainment.

'Can we fix it?' You can fix everything when your child is entranced by a talking cement mixed, and oh, so very right on with a female builder, Bob has inspired many a child to become a brickie!

Personally I'm rather partial to a Blue Cow in the Story Tellers, with Jelly and Jackson and the immortal Danny John-Jules introducing kids to a love of books.

Of course, kids cant just have entertainment can they, they have to learn things as well.
This is
amply done by Balamory and Tickabilla amongst others, lots of singing, painting, counting and learning. This is also done in between the programmes by the Cbeebies presenters Poy (who is also Po in Teletubbies!) And whatsisface, used to be a presenter on BBC1, that how memorable he is!
Lets face it, all the presenters on kids programmes are all game show host rejects, just filling in the time before the next big break.

But of course we must not forget the Tweenies, Fizz, Bella, Milo and Jake (aka Dotman), Max, Judy and Doodles. The brightest most cheerful kids show on the box, involving 4 kids(!) With rather large foam heads, controlled by the 'Clock' which decided if its 'messy time', 'song time', 'telly time' etc. This is one of the few shows that teaches kids social skills as well as having fun.

But I deliberately left one till last, possibly the worse show on this channel, straight from Satan's bowel is the Fimbles, comprising of four furry, stripy...creatures, a stripy mole, 2 balls of fluff masquerading as birds, And the worst of the lot is a frog who periodically looks like someone shoved a pole up his a@@. I cant work out what they are supposed to do or what they are about. Their audience is divided into 2, the one who are terrified of them and the ones that love them, I'm on the scared side myself.

Of course you can also treat your child to Okie-Doke, Playbus, Flubbadubbers, (the shark is so cool), amongst others.

And why cant children work out that the same episodes are shown 3 times a day, do they really have such a short attention span or are they trying to torture us?

And lo'......God cam down again and saw us sipping a glass of wine and reading whilst our kids are transfixed by the telly. And he says:

'Ye are evil, ye have fornicated and settled for an easy life, allowing the TV to baby-sit your kids. Ye must be punished, Ye shall hereby be made to
watch Cbeebies for 40 days and 40 nights on a loop with no respite, verily shall you mend your wicked ways'

Nooooooooooooooooooo

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