Stop!no more queens please! (Big Brother (TV Series))

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Product:	Big Brother (TV Series)
Date:	12/07/01 (7 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Take it out on them, addictive, Narindas breasts

Disadvantages: Contrived, Too many shows, Mincers

I think most of us walk down the high street and have a little pop in our thoughts about fag puffing single parents or an asylum seeker or two. And Big Brother gives us all a chance to hate someone we don’t know and let out our weekly thrustrations.
I don’t think there are many that watch it for the odd glimpses of a nipple (Narindas maybe!) or a healthy package that I presume our requisite in auditions for the gay, sorry guy competitors. Most of the 24/7 is spent talking crap or having one between kips so the edited highlights set the agenda and pace.

In my review on last year’s show I felt the show was heavily contrived, proven with nasty Nick’s dramatic fall from grace and Mels sudden capitulation. They certainly helped to increase advertising revenue with their “timely exits”.I know that last year they were all contracted to one agent and were probably told to do what they were told or no way would they get on the show.
But this year the producers don’t seem to be such dramatic storylines in the cutting room, and bar the big row with the stripper and the poser not a lot has happened.

The masterstroke was to introduce another cute gay to do battle with the then obvious winner Brian, to be the cameo mincer of the house. The two have been fighting it out with handbags to be queen number one to ride that easy train over the line.
Brian knew from day one that he had no pressure, as he was the only poof in the house and a free role to play. But the tension kick started when Josh swaggered in to shake up the chemistry. It was quite a moment when Narinda and Helen had a fellow vein poser to welcome to the Jacuzzi club.Hes goodlacking to boyo,shrieked the Welsh vacuous blonde. Im sure Josh is a plant and is using the show for future movie opportunity.
It seems that the beautiful people use the bubble bath to cement their allegiances and conceit.

The uglier ones have not surprisingly be
en internally and externally voted out already by the predictable public. And the calm measured innocuous ones seem likely to make the last three like last year. I do chuckle when people who are nominated are comforted by fellow housemates that you have done well to get this far, yes you’re the third biggest tosser in the country, well that’s what they are if they go in for this desperate ego trip torture.

The diary room is still out of bounds on C4, E4 and the net so I presume this is used to feed them hints for the next week, maybe be pep up story lines and advertising revenue. They must have got a bollocking over only betting %10 percent every time for the weekly tasks. Now they are in the forties with a sarcastic 36.4 this week, makes you wonder.
Saying that,i feel its more capricious this year in body language and tempo over the heavily contrived one first time out.Although Bubble let it slip when he told Davina on the live show that he was a sleep in bed when he was supposed to be watching himself twat the table.You could see Bubbles hand go over his mouth when he realized he had let slip that the contestants “ maybe” seeing selected highlights in the house on that “unused “big TV screen .maybe!.

A lot of you guys have pointed out that the competitors are very similar to last years with two coloreds, two gays etc……
Paul is a dumbed down version of that complete gum chewing w****r Andy from last year. Both New University lad-mag reading clones with little personality and serious cosmetic armory. Men in make up, ha!.I blame Tyler Durden for that.
Amma is a more tranquil truculent Melanie, whose rebellious streak was never really kicked in to spice up the show with her petulant superior manner. But she did look good in the tub along with the girls and one has to ask how spontaneous that was.

Dean is an even more boring token black male that hasn’t the gay icon status of
last years brother, but is relentless in promoting his Indy guitar career, its so over now Deano.
Elizabeth is a very snidely version, and much brighter of that ghastly Sada.Where is she now. I like Liz because she knows how to play guys with her brain and tits.55 year old millionaire boyfriend with a knob the size of an acorn no doubt. She manipulates the housemates with such ease that she should be running a major charity (see my charity review).
Bubble I suppose was the equilivent cheeky cockney to Craig’s scouser and looked what he is. He’s that guy who tries to pull the birds in clubs with that Tommy Steel charm and the promise of hard drugs and alcohol if you shag him.

I think most of us thought that Helen and Paul were put in the house to have hot sex. Last night we had the first hint that Paul was playing his trump card to avoid the fifth eviction, Thursday nights kiss similar to Andy’s desperate one to save his pointless ass.
Helen is wonderfully innocent and quite obviously annoying at times. But does that really warrant her getting the boot cause she s a thick Welsh hairdresser, cant get more stereotyped than that can ya. Hairdresser and Welsh being the two clues.
Will Paul be a typical new-lad and nail her gullible nature to the den floor soon. Or will his gentlemanly caring up bringing his parents keep telling us about come through. Why cant he hold his own in conversations, what did they teach him at University and why isn’t he a typically noisy student in the arguments.

Stewert and Helen were just too old and responsible to be mixed up with this sort of nonsense. No wonder teachers are getting the big sort out. Narinda had a big chip on her shoulder and how she got into Newcastle University,i will never no.Oh yes positive discrimination to fill up our finest institutions with doll doging fodder,she ain’t half sexy though.My kind girl.

It got of to a slow start and if it wasn
217;t for the gay invasion to pep it up,I probably would have bailed on it long ago.
I bet sugar cube sales shot up like the towers on student digs fag burnt tables after the excellent idea of the world record challenge. I’m sure they made them up though, still Toby from Stafford technical polytechnic university college holds the new British record for eating crackers!,horaaaaaa.
So who is next. Will Paul be let of the vote again by the muppet Dean who nearly threw himself into the melly by spreading the vote with his swing to Brian, what did I tell you about new uni students. Do your maths Brummie.

The nominations are obviously at the heart of the shows rabid watchability as we see people getting to slag their mates after Big Brother goading. Im sure the producers want them to be even more nasty, lets face it, they are not as bad as the last lot.
Im sure the directors have got a plot line up their sleeves to draw back the stragglers.I think its pretty obvious that someone has suggested that Paul should jump the hairdresser soon ,if just for advertisers.

Monday’s episode with the menagerie of physiologist is the best episode. I love the way they need ten docs to tell us that Paul loves himself because looks in mirrors. The body language and interaction is the reason we all watch it and the last thing we want to se is sex and knobs and stuff in the shower. Voyeurism is only fun when they don’t know your watching right!.
But why is it so addictive for such a small group of people. And do a million people vote every week, errr no.Commercial TV is not the most honest medium and if you have ever watched C4s Cutting Edge,you know how contrived television can be.

Paul’s face tonight when he realizes he s missed the nomination will be a treat. His tactic has paid of and they know its going to be tough if they are up against him in the public vote. Elizabeth realized that first quite rightly, as she is clearl
y the smartest.
Helen will be bawling her eyes out in between tantrums as she’s been scapegoated with the end near. Its time for the main players to show their colors with the seventy grand in sight.

If you could greet the housemates as they came out each week, what would you do.

Helen………Slap around the face and tell her to grow up
Dean……….give him an interesting pill.
Brian……….Tickets to the Graham Norton show
Josh…………More instructions for the ringer.
Amma………Your black and beautiful,so peel that chip of girl
Elizabeth……Twist her nose all the way around.
Stewart………Grow old gracefully before your hair falls out…..Sun tan lotion sir!
Bubble……..Handcuffs apparently.
Paul……… Data’s personality chip.
Helen………A job in Hi de Hi!
Narinda……A Bollywood contract….in India

Brian is going to win with Liz and Dean making the final three…………No more gay chat shows please Brian.We still haven’t recovered from Jeremy “bandit” Sprake.

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