sex, sex and perhaps a little more sex! (Big Brother (TV Series))

Member Name: sillygoose

Product:	Big Brother (TV Series)
Date:	30/05/04 (118 review reads)
Rating:

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Well, seeing as no one else has done the honours this year, as far as I can see, I?ve decided to write the first dooyoo review of Big Brother: Yes, Britain?s brainless are braced; BB is back (!) We all know the score by now, 12 people living in a house together each getting nominated then evicted week by week till the remaining housemate wins a ridiculous amount of money?.only this time its EVIL (or so I?m told) which is, apparently, going to make Britain want to retreat back to what has now become, like it or not, a long tradition (well, 5 years) of spending the summer talking about nothing else. Hmmm, a little worrying you might think that sadism is what supposedly appeals to the masses, but fear not! It is, in fact, all a big disguise; an elaborate excuse for, you guessed it, sex, sex and perhaps, a little more sex!

What has happened to Britain?s notoriously conservative stereotype: Hugh Grant sitting on the top of Big Ben discussing the weather with the Queen? Hollywood shall have to inaugurate a new image of the British: Duke of Edinborough-types wanking in front of the TV. (Though, having said that, the rather ironic thing is, the most entertaining part of a tour of Buckingham Palace I did a few years ago, was noticing the satellite dish rather indiscreetly placed never Her Mag?s ?private living space?.)
Even the wallpaper in the bedroom of the BB house [enlarged photos of trees] is apparently meant to provoke the horny-housemates; there are no covers on the showers and the only form of light entertainment provided are massage tables and a Jacuzzi. Yet it seems the producers are no longer satisfied with STRAIGHTforward STRAIGHT sex. No, no. That?s all been done before! This time they want to give the gays
a turn to make a drunken mistake and have the world know more detail than they can even remember.
True, there?s always been at least a bisexual in the house?only this time: there?s 3 gays, one bi AND a transvestite!

Now don?t get me wrong: I wouldn?t have a problem with this, if it weren?t for the fact they are all the epitome of public preconceptions. The lesbian [Kitten, of all names] is as bouch as bouch can be; [Marco] is Queen of queens?.not even a woman is that feminine! Then there?s the flirtatious blonde [Vanessa] (who, so far, has worn nothing but pink) along with the glamour model [Michelle]--- aka Vanessa?s rival ?cat-fighter?; the black guy you wouldn?t want to meet down a dark alley [Victor]; long-walk-taking art student [Shell] (who no doubt has a pair of glasses hidden away somewhere); dumb Northern (from Lancashire) [Emma]---no offence to any locals!
Next in line is the ?I?m-so-intellectual? psychology student [Stuart] then: a Muslim asylum seeker [Ahmed]; the (supposedly) good-looking joker [Jason]; Dan who (and there is NO other word for this) STRUTTED into the house?.one eyebrow raised, hand moving across rim of hat, other arm coolly outstretched so the adoring crowd could make contact. ?Ahhhhhh!? And finally: ?Hi, I?m Nadia?.?, cut-to deep voice: ?I used to be a man.?

Why, oh, why I ask you, are the producers so happy to be risk-kay but not risky? Why can?t they challenge our expectations and really cause a stir: put in a Barbie doll lesbian, a boozing 90 year old or the reincarnation of Ghandi/Mother Teresa in the body of a black South-Londoner? You?d still have all the extremists necessary for avoiding the disaster-ratings caused by choosing ?normal? people for us to ?relate to? as they tried (and failed) to do
last year.

How ?evil? the house is, I can?t really tell you as yet. Apart from taking away ?Kitten?s? (sorry, really can?t get over that name!) bag, they haven?t exactly attempted the work of the devil yet?..as anticipated: I mean, given that all contestants sign a contract stating that BB has no right to actually put them in any danger, how bad can it really get?

So, why you maybe asking yourselves, did I decide to watch it in the first place, given all my ominous expectations? Well, two reasons -both equally pathetic. Firstly, because everybody does, indeed, talk about it. The one thing I will say in the show?s defence is that BB is a universal language; you can have hours of conversation with a complete stranger concerning your love or hate for it. So, as my plan is to wait till I?m at least in my 80s before I start criticising anything new without experiencing it first, I had to watch BB before I would allow myself to complain---that?s the excuse anyway ;-)
My second reason for watching? I was a victim of the excellent adverting campaign for Big Brother (and, being a teenage girl, most other things come to that.) The first, live BB of 2004 was aired immediately after the final episode of ?FRIENDS? ?alas! (though it was very predictable?anyway, that?s another review), so how could I possibly refuse to ?stay tuned??

All in all, Auntie Kate?s advice would be: watch a few episodes, so that you can then have the right (unless you?re nearing 80+) to whinge away to your hearts content. As for who?ll be the winner and who?ll be the first out: I predict a revolutionary change in program this year?.they?ll all be [are] LOSERS, producers a like!



Thanks for reading?..to be updated.

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