Bullseye (Bullseye)

Member Name: polydeuces

Product:	Bullseye
Date:	09/08/08 (2 review reads)
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What can you say about a programme that was so bad it was brilliant. Bullseye was the ultimate in naffness, so uncool it had a cult following. The reasons for this were in my opinion two-fold. Firstly there was the whole concept of the programme and secondly there was the compere, the inimitable Jim Bowen.

The first part of show saw Jim introducing the hapless contestants who it has to be said were not the brightest stars in the constellation. They were usually appallingly dressed, ugly and overweight (always a winning combination) and seemed terminally sentenced to have a bad haircut and glasses as thick as bottle bottoms. Jim tortuously interviewed these people in a manner which made you cringe. Whatever they said it usually prompted mirth and comments of 'Great' 'Smashing' or 'Super' from winsome Jim.
A series of general knowledge rounds, the subject of which was determined by the darts player throwing at a special board gave them prize money. One of the three couples were eliminated here. The money was distributed with the finesse and discretion of a sleazy bookmaker and accompanid by the most hideous of prizes - a ceramic 'Bully'. Another round eliminated the second couple and the winners then had a chance to face the most important dart board of the life. This board had prizes all round it in the red section and again by throwing darts they would win prizes tough they lost them if they hit the same segment again, This prompted another catchphrase 'You get nowt for two in a bed' as Jim turned risqué.

They could gamble all that they won for a special star prize which was hidden behind a screen. To win this they had to score 101 in six darts, three each for the darts player and the non-darts player. If successful they were led to the speedboat (which appeared about as useful to these people as a motorcycle is to a camel) or a caravan (nearer in the usefulness index) or a Korean budget motor car (now that's more like it).
Failure to achieve 101 prompted the classic Bowen line 'Oh never mind, let's see what you would have won'. If the prize winners didn't gamble the second placed contestants sometimes even the first round losers were wheeled back in to see if they would gamble their cash prize. It was as tacky as Blackpool would be if it was coated in treacle.

But it was eminently watchable. It was just so awful, so naff, so cringe making it was superb. In years to come the TV archaeologists will dig it up and proclaim it for the masterpiece it was.

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