Here's what you should've watched (Bullseye)

Member Name: buttonman

Product:	Bullseye
Date:	09/06/02 (864 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Exciting format

Disadvantages: Dull and thick contestants

To my mind Bullseye’ is the best game show of all time. Forget the modern fad of high tension and big prizes what really counts is watchability and a tight balance between winning and losing. 'Bullseye' had both although the losers generally outnumbered the winners.

Made by Central Television in the 1980's the show ran for dozen or more seasons with a format that barely changed throughout. Always hosted by dour faced Jim Bowen ably assisted by scorer Tony Green the show regularly attracted audiences of 18 million - well according to Jim anyway.

I always remember enjoying the show on Sunday afternoons and am now delighted to see it on Granada Plus every weeknight around 11pm. The format is simple but a winner nonetheless.

FORMAT
======

The show involves three couples two of whom must sport a mullet haircut between them. White socks are compulsory, as are dull tales of life down pit. Jim meets the six players on a sofa where carefully rehearsed gags are trotted out. The audience is 90% old women who all wet themselves when Jim does his deadpan look to camera when a funny remark is made. Quite often the stories involve references to bulls or cows which prompt an off stage bellow from the show's mascot Bully – a bull in a darts shirt natch.

Quite often Jim nails his colours to the mast in this section such as on the other nights show when the couple announced they'd been in a car accident 'Well I hope you do well tonight' encouraged Jim with a wink. There is also a great selection of fashion tips on offer with nylon shirts straining over beer bellies the order of the day. The woman normally wear patterned frocks and are thoroughly patronised by Jim "So Sarah, I hear you hit the board once".

After about twenty minutes chat the game begins. First up is Bully's category board. Here the brainy contestant picks a subject for his dart-playing partner to aim at. The
se include Britain, Faces, History and Affairs (which often prompts a rye remark from Jim). The dart players can aim at every decreasing sections of the board to secure the question with the sectors worth £30, £50, £100 of £200 for the bullseye - this is usually attempted by the first player who misses and scares the other two off. If hit the brainy one gets the question which is worth £30, £50 and £100 in rounds 1, 2 and 3. If the player misses but hit a subject that's not been used before they get the question but no bonus if the hit a subject that’s been answered they get nowt. A bit harsh on the third couple but they do draw lots beforehand.

In early seasons the lowest scoring couple got eliminated at this point but latterly all three went through to round two. This section is pounds for points. The three dart players have three rounds at a standard board with the highest score in each round being the value of the question to their partner. Usually there is one good player who wins every time but the standard is usually rubbish. Once a man got a 180 maximum but his pal got the question wrong. This is the dullest bit of the show with "Ok Karen 22 to beat, oh that's in my head bad luck..." being Tony's normal commentary.

After three rounds a champion is found and the other two are tufted off. Jim gathers the four losers at his podium and offers sympathies "e was some player e wasn't e?". No one goes home empty handed on Bullseye with the chaps getting a tankard with a goblet for the ladies. Everyone gets a bendy Bully which aren't available in the shops and are highly valuable. The cash is produced and Jim tells us it'll take him two minutes to count it and we're into the adverts. The average loser couple earn about £250 between them for their humiliation and that wasn't much even in 1985.

After the break it's bronze Bully time. This is a highly valuable statue of the mascot t
hat has earned thousands for charity. A professional dart player then gets nine darts to score 301 or more. The score goes to a charity chosen by the winners and the amount is doubled if the mythical 301 is reached. I must have watched 20 episodes in the last few weeks and no one ever gets it. Tony always says 'Unlucky' and Jim says "We'll have a nice drink upstairs afterwards". The player, usually fat and inarticulate offers his best as the cheque goes out first class tomorrow to the hospital that Jim knows does great work.

The next section is always the highlight -Bully's prize board. This is a black board with eight sliver thick red sections and a bullseye that contains Bully's special prize. The player gets six darts and the non--layer three and Jim would love them to win the lot. No wonder the stuff is crap! Normally there is a 35mm Vivitar camera £30 tops, an ice cream maker, a child's airplane toy and a Breville sandwich toaster. Bully's prize is especially lousy with one week's offer of some plastic garden furniture being roundly ignored by the contestants. Sometimes Jim is apologetic and says "Some of them prizes are better than they look"! Jim cautions the players before they start with a poem worth of Burns:

Keep out of the black
And in the red
You get nothing in this game
For two in a bed

Basically this means if they hit a prize they've already won they lose it - mean or what? I saw one week where the won the 35mm camera, lost it and then won it back. It would have been less hassle to spend the £30 down at Argos!


After the dust has settled and the have their prizes including a Bontempi organ and 'some records' Jim offers one last gamble. Will they gamble their cash and prizes for what is hiding behind Bully? Only the charity cash is safe.If they lose they get BFH what does this stand for - answers in the comments please! As the board is pu
shed round by stagehands the audience all yell 'Gamble!' which they invariable do. Occasionally they say "We’ve had a great day and want to give someone else a chance" which translates into 'we're bricking it and I really need that wicker chair'. If they do chicken out the second place couple get the chance. In a blue moon they too turn it down and ten the last place diddies get a shot.

The gamble is a simple 101 in six darts but no one ever wins. I saw one dipstick need 14 from two darts and he hit One twice! Jim nearly punched him and Tony said "I don’t believe it" Victor Meldrew style. Jim finished off saying "I've given up trying to predict Bullseye"!. He the parades the prize to rub it in. Some people say it's always a speedboat but holidays are more common. Sometimes a basic Vauxhall Nova is wheeled out to gasps from the audience but my favourite is the fitted kitchen in brown.

Can't beat a bit of Bully
==========================


I'm not a big fan of retro opinions with people saying 'Rainbow' is great because mostly old shows are rubbish - except 'Bod'! Bullseye works because of its cheeky charm and barrel scraping prizes. Who cares if they win £1million on 'Millionaire'? Makes no difference to me - whereas two Geordies scraping for a dustbuster is captivating. Jim and Tony make a great double act with Tony’s 'Iiiiiinnnnn Onnnnne!' being the catchphrase of the decade.

They also make no effort to explain how two pals can split up a kitchen or speedboats and the questions are set at a level all but the thickest can have a stab at. It was taken off air in the early 1990's for no obvious reason. It may not be slick but it got the viewers albeit the over 80 market. The format was fast paced and you never got the same outcome twice. C''mon ITV we need a bit of Bully more now than ever!

Summary: