Are you a screamer or a moaner? (Crystal Maze, The)

Member Name: sersha

Product:	Crystal Maze, The
Date:	19/06/02 (532 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: amusing haircuts

Disadvantages: frustrating that you can't help the idiots do it

"OK, I've got a mirror and an easy chair, and some sand on the floor... em.... I can see some scissors but I don't know how to get them. Theres a notice on the wall which says Get Rid of Your Eighties Haircut to Get the Crystal...?

Your Host:
Early episodes, Richard O' Brien (of Rocky Horror Picture Show fame) who was wonderfully suited to the weirdness of the whole programme. He was then replaced by Ed Tudor Pole in the new series who is dull in comparison but at least has a stupid name.

The concept:
Guided by the host, a team of six (usually very uncoordinated, laughably stupid) people make their way through four zones. In each zone the team captain chooses people to play games. For every game won, the team receive a crystal, and every crystal buys them 5 seconds of time in the crystal dome at the end of the show. Here they jump about like lunatics collecting gold tokens and avoiding silver ones, trying to get 100 gold tokens to get the star prize... wait for it. Winners can claim a weeks abseiling in Wales or something equally exciting. Losers get to take home a crystal in a box. (I know which I'd rather be...)

The zones:
Industrial, Aztec, Medieval, Futuristic (Industrial was replaced by Oceanic in later episodes.) I think Oceanic was an excuse to invent games that involved some underwater challenges and generally to get everybody wet. My favourite zone is Aztec, where the set design looks pretty good, and most of the games involve ropes and sand. What does that say about me? Ho hum.

Game Rules:
These fall into four categories: Skill, Mystery, Physical and Mental. Obviously this means there need only be two types of game really, physical and anything else, which probably made it easier for the game designers.
Time limits range between 2 and 3 minutes, and if the game player fails to come out of the game room within the time limit (which he is only aware of from his team mates)
he gets locked in. Certain games also have an 'automatic' lock in, whereby if you make too many mistakes you get locked in. Locked in players can be rescued by their team mates by leaving a crystal behind, or can be left to rot while the other team members continue playing games and even going on to the crystal dome without them if they choose to.

Examples of Games:

Physical:
You might have to fill a tube of water to release a crystal. In order to get to the tube carrying your filled water receptacle, you have to walk over a raised log over a pool of water. The log also moves and is slippery. Seen quite a few bruising moments with this one. Other physical games often involve swinging on ropes, lifting and carrying, bashing things with hammers, and moving through mazes.

Logic Puzzles: These generally involve cracking codes, jigsaws, sequences, and pattern recognition. (Always reminds me of the Krypton Factor. I loved that too!)

Skill type games: manoeuvering remote controlled objects with controls also features heavily, as does shooting at targets.

The People Who Play
As this has not been on telly for a while, it is only old programmes that are repeated. So night after night (Challenge TV on Skye at 8-9pm) we sit and laugh at the preponderance of 80s haircuts that make their way onto the program. Mullets, short peroxides, bad perms, and just generally amusing fashion blunders. Its even better when the girlies are screamers ?Yeeeeeeeeeeees! We got a crystal!!!!!? or moaners 'I don't know what I'm supposed to do, help me, how much time have I got left?' The men get understandably frustrated at being unable to solve some of the more motor-coordinated tasks they are supposed to be so good at, and when they do get really excited at winning, they do a Tin Henman (punch the air quietly, and grimace a very small smile and whisper'Yes!') All in all, an amusing hours telly.

Summary: