Ladies - it's time to put up and shut up. (Don't Tell The Bride)

Member Name: yackers1

Product:	Don't Tell The Bride
Date:	07/11/09 (123 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Makes for grest viewing, interesting to see what other people's thoughts are

Disadvantages: stroppy brides who refuse to "play the game" which goes against the whole concept of the program

****The format****

The format of the show is pretty simple. In a nutshell, the bride to be leaves the couples' home (the couple already live together in every show I have seen) leaving the groom to be to organise the whole wedding, and by whole it means everything. From the dress to the shoes to the suits to the cake to the ceremony to the reception to the entertainment to the honeymoon. The groom is responsible for everything and the bride is expected to sit there and wonder what her big day has in store for her.

Being a reality TV program the whole process is filmed throughout, and whilst this is intrusive, the bride and groom get given £12,000 to put towards their big day, which is a considerable sum of cash, especially in these tight times.

****My thoughts and conclusion****

Having recently been through the process I can say that organising a wedding is not an easy task. The modern wedding seems to have lost the focus on the bride and groom and it now seems to be about entertaining guests, keeping them well fed and alcohol fuelled and keeping up with the Jones'. It is all about managing peoples' expectations, most of which were a lot higher than both mine and my other half's. With people trying to rip you off and exploiting you at every opportunity (mention the 'W' word and prices tend to treble), having to deal with time wasters and those that don't really care, having to keep a tight rein on the budget and making compromises, creating family feuds and rifts as certain members are excluded for the whole day, having heated discussions and disagreements with the other half etc., I found the whole process tiring and very stressful. There were many times when I thought "forget it (although not putting it that politely) let's go abroad" and would quite happily have done so if my parents had a passport. Needless to say we battled on for months and everything was fine in the end, although I don't think we will be getting Christmas cards from a few of our family members, but hey ho.

Thinking about it, maybe having such a small time frame to plan a reception isn't such a bad thing since there is little time for the Chinese whispers, back stabbing and bitching to get around family members before the big day. Admittedly you will have to deal with this after the honeymoon, but at the end of the day is this really a big issue? After all, if you are like me then the next time you are in contact with such family members is at events like funerals, so it doesn't really matter. As long as the day goes smoothly what happens afterwards is neither here nor there.

Three weeks to plan a wedding is a tough challenge but this show proves it is do-able providing;

i) You are not overly fussy and are willing to make a compromise or take second best if push comes to shove.
ii) You have the determination, staying power and ability (some of us have to work for a living) to devote 24 hours a day for the whole duration.
iii) You can take a knock and get back up again. Many things are not possible in such a short time frame and there are times when the groom has to take it on the chin and move on.
iv) You have the funds to do it. This should not be a problem with the £12,000 budget given by the television company, unless you want an extremely extravagant affair.

The venues that some of the couples manage to secure in the short time frame are simply amazing. Stately homes, castles, large parks that allow marquees and grand pubs are not un-common. How is it possible to book these venues at such short notice? When we were planning our big day booking a reception venue was a nightmare and they were booked up months in advance.

Some places, such as Dunston Hall, Sprowston Manor and Grange Farm, were booked up years in advance, however these are particularly "fashionable" places to get married in the Norwich area. We held an evening party (for family friends, work colleagues and distant family members who we hadn't seen for over a decade) at a local pub and we even had to book this over 6 months in advance. If it were a grand pub then I would understand and whilst the pub is modern and quite nice, it is not all that so I was amazed at how quickly it gets booked up.

Something I have noticed about this show is that all the people seem to come from the same social backgrounds. I know this is going to be an un-PC comment, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but all the people seem to come from poorer working class backgrounds in poor areas. The grooms are either your typical 'stoners or bums' and the brides are shazzas with big hoopy earrings, and both are always young, i.e. in their mid twenties or younger.

Why is it there are no older couples? Maybe older couples want to get married in private? Maybe older couples don't want "five minutes of fame" or should that be laughed at and made to look a bit stupid or tight or prima donnas? Or is it, that younger couples make for better viewing? Personally, I think it is the latter.

The brides on this show always seem to want to have the fairy tale wedding. The big expensive dress, the horse and carriage, twenty bridesmaids etc. etc. They all seem to want the works. The grooms on the other hand seem to want top stag nights, great entertainment and lots of alcohol. I hate to say it but this conflict makes for great viewing.

In my experience most men haven't dreamt about getting married since they were young, I know I didn't, and when they decide to tie the knot they haven't got everything mapped out, like a lot of women have. The largest area of conflict is always over the dress and most of the time the groom gets it wrong, which is pretty much understandable. When I saw my wife walking down the aisle I was dumbfounded by her choice of dress and if asked to pick one out for her I wouldn't have gone for the particular style or colour in a million years.

I have seen episodes of this show where the brides have broken down in to tears and refused to wear the dress and chosen their own. In my opinion this goes against everything the show stands for since it is the groom that does the planning, and I think the bride should put up and shut up. After all, she is being given £12,000 towards the wedding so she should just get on with it. In those cases where the brides refuses to wear the dress or the shoes then I think the couple should have to repay the money as they haven't stuck to their part of the agreement.

The mannerisms of the grooms, and the best men, also make this show great viewing. Most are very immature and mess around like children. Whilst this is quite amusing I often wonder if these 'boys' are really ready for the life long commitment of marriage. Are they really ready to reduce their time with their friends, doing what they want when they want and have to consider another person with every decision that is made? Looking at many of them I think not, but maybe that is me not being able to read people properly, or maybe it is just me being a bit too much of a traditionalist.

****Conclusion****

Overall this is great entertainment although it is something that I would never have done, even though £12,000 is a lot of money, more than what we had to spend, and there are some things I would have liked to be a bit more extravagant. I see marriage as a personal thing that is shared with immediate family and close friends only. We didn't even have extended family members at our wedding so there is no way we would have had the ceremony and private reception filmed for all and sundry to see. We would have been a bit more relaxed about the evening party, although I still don't think we would have let it be televised.

It would be interesting if there were some follow up shows, say a year on just to see if those immature grooms have actually changed or whether they are the same and their marriage has lasted. However, I don't think this will ever happen, as I am sure most people will want to be left alone once they have had their big day paid for them.

Summary: Would you trust your future husband to organise what is arguably the most important day ever?