Stalking is a criminal offence in most countries. In the UK, celebrities including Robbie Williams and Madonna have had stalkees, and have suffered traumas at their bins being rifled through, and their most intimate possessions shown to millions through gossip columns. Now, thanks to MTV, stalking is now a legitimate pastime, and arranges for deranged American teenagers to confront their icons face-to-face. Be afraid. Be very afraid...

MTV FANatic is one of those bizarre creations that probably looked like a good idea in the boardroom, but in practice makes for ever so slightly uncomfortable watching. The idea is that in every half-hour show, teenagers are given the chance to meet with their favourite star and interrogate them about initimate aspects of their life. Think Lorraine Kelly rather than Jeremy Paxman...

Each 'Fanatic' will have a (new-found?) friend who wants to break the exciting news that they are about to meet their idol to them. The friend will usually be talking to the camera saying things along the lines of 'Oh my God, she is SO going to love this. She's such a big Britney/Whitney/Jethro Tull fan, she's just going to DIE! Oh my God! We're almost here! She's going to SO love this...'. Upon entering the school/youth club/drugs rehab centre, the fanatic will be 'surprised' by their friend and an MTV camera crew; 'OH MY GOD!' the fan will shriek when she sees the TV people. 'OH MY GOD!' the friend will shriek, as they embrace each other, while their geography teacher looks on, ever smiling as they realise their life-long ambition to get on the goggle-box.

After enough blasphemy to make the Pope blush, the fan and the friend get wheeled off to some location to visit the star in question. This is usually as singer, although occasionally a famous person of another profession (although this is generally an actor or actress rather than a sculptor or conceptua
l artist) gets the chance to meet one of their uber-fans.

Upon meeting the star, the fan usually crumples with a few more 'Oh My God's!'. The celebrity will then either a) cry as well (after all, they did go to drama school), or look poker-faced, seething with rage that their agent has made them do this when they could be at a party hosted by Donatella Versace...

After a quick dose of morphine from the directors, the fan then goes on to ask some sub-Cheryl Baker questions about their superstar idol. These range from 'do you want to get married soon?' to 'what's your favourite album track'. Inevitably, the fan will hang on every word and agree wholeheartedly agree with what they say; 'you're favourite colour is turquoise? OH MY GOD! SO IS MINE!'.

After about 15 minutes, the dream-day is over for the fan, and the celebrity can breathe a sigh of relief that the MTV fan didn't bring up any questions about those 'art' photos, or about being dropped from their record label. At the end of the interview, the star will usually present the pleb with a bouquet of flowers, or a signed poster as a tokenistic keepsake to remind them of their day.

As the credits roll, the fan will summarise their thoughts on their day. 'OH MY GOD! It was the greatest day of my life. Britney/Whitney/Jethro Tull was better than I imagined. We got on so well. My life will never get better. I LOVE THEM. I WANT TO BE THEM. OH MY GOD!!!!!!'.

About as formulaic as you can get, the best 'Fanatic' has to be the one where the slightly geeky girl gets to meet Sarah Michelle Geller. A weeny bit nervous, the girl breaks down into tears and reveals her life story about how her friends continually make fun of her, but Buffy murdering vampires gave her inspiration. A slightly worried-looking Sarah Michelle gives some advice to the girl whilst simultaneously looking around for h
er bodyguards. Maybe the poor girl should have done a FANatic with Trisha or Esther instead...

Other celebrities to come under the grubby MTV FANatic microscope are J Lo and Eve. There have also been a few European ones too, such as Westlife, although these lack to mass hysteria that the American ones have in abundance. Perhaps the most entertaining interviewee was Macy Gray, who looked as if she really was from another planet as she gave the most bizarre answers to some very simple questions.

On their website, MTV are currently looking for fans of Wyclef, Ozzy Osbourne (!) and Stephen Tyler for the new series of FANatic. All you need to do is send a two minute video of yourself explaining why 'Clef, Ozzy or Steve is your idol, and send it to MTV. Sadly, if you are a Jethro Tull fan, you will have to sit tight for a bit longer, as there are currently no openings for you. You can find out more details about applying to be a superfan on their website at www.mtv.co.uk

For those of you wanting to watch FANatic, it is on MTV sporadically throughout the day. It can also be caught occasionally on Channel 4 when the school holidays are on, or it's too rainy for cricket...