I would rather have a hole in the head (Hole In The Wall)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Hole In The Wall
Date:	19/12/08 (150 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Russ Abotts come back?

Disadvantages: Russ Abotts come back

The latest Strictly Come Dancing controversy and the perfunctory 200 phone complaints that followed is where the BBC seems to be right now, determined not to lose their 'thought police' tag by continuously dumbing down their programming even more to adhere to their original public mandate, which was to please all sections of the community with a variety of patronizing programming.

Because last Saturdays 'Strictly' was live and going up against the X-Factor Final (a surprisingly good one as it turned out) then they had no choice but to annul the phone vote as they had no time to figure out what to do to earn the least amount of criticism from those phone vote nimbi's and so the producers could avoid the sack. Britain's middle-class pensioners have been empowered by getting rid of Russell Bland and suspending Jonathan Ross and are looking for more big scalps, the Leylandi tree - neighbor debates noticeably absent this year because of, instead the old crones inside in their six jumpers with notebooks in hand by the TV and radio with the finger on the redial button if anything is amiss on the BBC.

The BBC producers seem obsessed with the manipulation of their shows and those controversial phone votes, controlling the viewer's apparent democratic opinions and decisions at every turn, the bizarre decision to change the winner of the 'name the Blue Peter cat competition' from 'Cookie' to 'Socks', the most irritating one over the year. Apparently because there was a small chance of a gay website coming up on google if kids tapped in 'Blue Peter' + 'Cookie' it was deemed not appropriate. Don't ask!

Some say the cock up was a stunt By 'Strictly' to thin out The X Factor winner's publicity in the tabloids the next day. But really it was because the rules were never supposed to be taken as seriously as the show has become. Like it or not but the X-Factor turned itself around after a disastrous year in 2007 and the phone vote scams and cost cutting at ITV and has battered 'Strictly' in the ratings in the last month. If you are going to dumb down TV then don't patronize the core viewers, a lesson quickly learnt by ITV`s new controller Michael Grade, and something the BBC need to grasp.

But enough of the dance show that's too pompous to call itself what it is, 'Celebrity Come Dancing, and onto the quite awful Saturday night warm up act,' The Hole in the Wall, this show meant to be very silly and so has no pretensions. Now don't get me wrong guys, I have nothing against the BBC having programming for all levels of age, sex and intelligence. I appreciate the BBCs flagship sitcom, 'My Family', is not for all tastes, just as the Office isn't for fans of My Family, so I accept both programs. Fairs fair. Not everyone is as intelligent as the people who tend to watch The Office or as wholesome as the core audience of My Family, different jokes for different folks etc. But there is absolutely no justification on any level for the truly awful 'Whole in the Wall'.

Based on a whacky Japanese game show by a name I cant pronounce (Channel Four doing something similar with 'Bonzi'), Whole in the Wall plays it very safe to hit the bull's-eye of bulls-eye of dumbing down, the usual bunch of C-list celebrities who have reached their sell-by dates (but not quite the humiliation levels as next months welcome return of Celebrity Big Brother) prepared to make a right prat of themselves for a reasonable fee on a very silly show. All publicity is good publicity. Right?

The two celebrity teams, captained by cheeky monkey for hire Phil Tufnell and celebrity fat mouth Vanessa Feltz, pull on garish waterproof Lyicra suits and wait for a wall of moving polystyrene to bat them into a swimming pool if they fail to get through the cut out shape. The celebrity contestants must strike a pose at the edge of the swimming pool and somehow squeeze through the chiseled gap with the corresponding body shape. For instance if the shape is a star jump they must stand like the star jump and move through it. If the shape is standing on one leg with your finger in your ear then you do as you must or in the pool. That means wet hair and smudged make-up for the celebrities, punishment enough for some of them. If your a male porn star on the show I think you get the picture. LOL.

A critical thing with this type of game show celebrity is you don't want them to appear smarter than you the viewer, a requisite here. There's no quiz questions (and so prepared answers) for the celebrities on the show so know cringing answers and for 30 minutes it's just that wall of polystyrene and the swimming pool.

I don't watch the show at home but it's always on in the chip shop for my Saturday night take-away. You do chuckle away as a really fat celebrity fails to get through the much smaller hole or when Vanessa Felt has to go through the gap that's shaped like some old slapper lying on her back with her legs open, not modeled on her sexlife Im sure but the production assistants well aware of those in-jokes they can play while they give the scenery guys the blue prints and the running order.

If they have special guests on like ballerinas or ice skaters they cut a shape accordingly out of respect, the main idea being of the schadenfreude variety, laughing at Rick Waller failing to squeeze through a gap the size of an apricot, sending a tsunami over the edge of the pool and into the neighboring studio, a recording of a cooking show seeing more C-List celebs swept away into the yard, David Dickenson legs poking out of a skip.

I think the saddest people of all involved in those shows are not the celebrities or you at home but the sad no marks who go along to the recordings to be in the audience. The next time you watch you will see about 200 of them clapping and honking away like seals on a trawler when the fish that are too small that are tossed back. There still seems to be lot of people out there that want to be associated with talent less celebrities. Everywhere you go you see camera phones and digital cameras taking pictures of these guys and girls that are doing what they are doing because these people keep doing what they are doing, the thing self-perpetuating and never ending. I was two feet from Nelson Mandela outside the South African parliament in Cape Town and instead of thrusting a cheap camera in his face I just shook the guys hand and said your even cooler than Samuel L Jackson, Nelse! He said who is he? I said he's probably going to take your job one day Mr President. With that I replaced my shades to stop the glare of his shirt.


BBC 1
5:40PM
Saturday...

Summary: Now thats dumbing down folks!