And In My Town, You Can't Drive Naked (MTV Dancefloor Chart)

Member Name: Tcraze84

Product:	MTV Dancefloor Chart
Date:	14/07/01 (2748 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Genius at work. Kind of.

Disadvantages: Charty pop-dance rubbish, mostly.

A lot of people don't like MTV. I don't either, actually. Why? Nobody's really sure, but it just has a strange stigma which tends to keep most people, other than prepubescent teenage girls, away from regularly watching. Blamed for encouraging the commercialisation of many different bands and genres of music (see blink-182, Papa Roach and Limp Bizkit to name but three), MTV's fusion of comedy, documentary and heavily-edited music videos make the channel, as an end-result, to be far from its ambitious claims as "The Number One Music Channel". But, having said that, do I watch it? Hell yeah. Why? Because, as an On Digital (sorry, ITV Digital), MTV and Play UK are the only music-related channels I have at my disposal; though indeed, the latter is hardly eligible to be labelled as a music channel in the first place.

Ignoring MTV's dire daytime schedule, there are but two entertaining programmes. Firstly, the much-criticised shock stunt show led by the enigmatic and, insane probably, Johnny Knoxville - the mighty MTV Jackass. Secondly, rounding off the list of er... two decent shows on MTV; the Dancefloor Chart. Whilst the first isn't actually to do with music at all (besides the funky soundtrack), the latter is. Kind of. Now, the concept of a dance chart on MTV, or any other channel you care to mention, isn't very exciting - particularly if you despise/loathe/are easily irritated* (delete as necessary) by dance music. Me? I like it. But, by that admission, I don't mean the annoying pop-dance hybrid that rears its ugly head all too often. And that's just one of the reasons I don't like MTV. Comprendé? Well, yeah hopefully - if I spelt that correctly and got the accent-thingy in the right place.

So then, the Dancefloor Chart, or DFC for short. What's in it then? It's pretty obvious, really. As with so many "chart" shows, there's a chart in it - which isn't surprising. Yep, ten s
ongs played in sequence, in traditional descending numerical order, with a few conversations in between. That's all there is to it. Not exactly challenging viewing, but then, if you want that, watch Countdown instead - if you must. But you should not expect any conundrums from the good ol' DFC. A simple ten-to-one countdown (no pun intended) will take up most of the show's allocated time slot; and a bit less, when you take away all of the advertisements and introductory shiny bits. Which doesn't leave a lot of time really for the good stuff, when you think about it.

The good stuff, in case you hadn't realised, isn't the videos or indeed the chart itself. True, you probably would like a few of the charted tracks, but it's not the bit that viewers would love to watch most. Indeed, nobody could really give the proverbial monkey's about the chart. Nobody remembers the placings. And nobody should, either. It's not important - the number one gets no recognition, no reward, no prestige. It's all part of the MTV P.R. mechanism, you see. Exposure means cash - and the more times a video is placed, regardless of the position in the DFC Top 10 it achieves, the more likely it is for the average viewer to part £3.99 from their sweaty little mitts and make the record company happy by pushing their latest release higher in the proper charts (which, incidentally, doesn't mean a hell of a lot either). So, the good stuff?

Bizarrely, perhaps the only part of the show actually worth watching is the Proverbial Monkey. Ahem. Confused? Oh, you will be. OK, so maybe the monkey isn't a proverbial one at all. In fact, it's not a real monkey at all. But it does look like one. For "it", read DFC presenter Russell Brand. Yes, this one man makes the whole show worth watching. And I don't fancy him or anything, either. However, he is perhaps a comic genius. Actually, no. He is a comic genius and, with use of &q
uot;perhaps" in an altogether better position, perhaps may be the single most impressive comedian I have seen or heard for quite some time.

The whorish biography bit, then. He's just 23, yet has experience in both stand-up, music videos, award-winning short films and a bit-part in "The Bill". Not bad going so far. Growing up as part of both the Itali Conti stage school (from which brilliantly, he was expelled) and the bizarrely unimaginatively-named Drama Centre as a method actor, Brand was then snapped up by MTV UK to ply his already-worn hands at presenting after massive critical acclaim. Critical acclaim? His new employers seem to like him a lot more than that. With quotes from Brand's own page on mtv.co.uk, he is praised: "His wit may be faster than a speeding bullet. His hair may be more flowing than David Ginola's on a very windy day. His name is Russell Brand". Good stuff, eh? - even if the journalists working on the MTV site may never be in line for the Booker Prize. Hold on, there's more: "MTV have nabbed this hectic, fast-talking, flowing-haired, naked-arm-baring esoteric philosopher of 5th dimension who deep down is really just a normal dude looking to hang with the locals when DFC's in town... One reviewer called him hectic. We call him cool". Phew. But you get the idea; it seems my "genius" claims are not that radical after all. If MTV call him cool, then that's probably a good thing. Just why is he held in such high esteem already then? And why is he so cool? Simple. He looks it. And he acts it. He, no doubt, is the epitome of modern cool - in a slightly deranged kinda way. Visually, he's very funny already. Sideburns; Big, big sideburns. A mass of hair and a slightly gangly frame. Yes, folks - he virtually IS a monkey. But his simian mannerisms don't stop there, you know.

The chart is just the chart. Weekly, ten of the current favourites in that much-fabl
ed fictional kingdom of Clubland are compiled. You watch, you listen, you learn. More to the point, you wait for Russell Brand and his next off-the-wall exchange. Then there's another song. And another inspired selection of verbalisation. Repeat, Rinse. Routine has never been this fun.

Indeed, MTV Dancefloor Chart isn't about the Dancefloor Chart at all, if that makes any sense. No; it's about Mr. Brand waltzing through any big nightclub he is able to gain entry to and having fun with the masses of drugged-up, drunken youths inside. Sound fun? It is; oh it is. The recipe for comedy - and classic comedy at that, is already well and truly firmly in place. Ah yes; confusion is the key and week in, week out, the genius that is Russell Brand messes with the heads, or what's left of them, of clubbers, without fail. Perhaps the most obvious way to make somebody funny is to humiliate them. And when you manage to do it subtly and with almost taciturn wit, it's even better. Brand knows what he's doing - as mentioned, he's a stand-up veteran (of sorts) already. He worked with Paul Newman, you know. Humiliating somebody isn't half as good if (a) they know about it and, (b) it's too obvious. Because that just makes it immature humour - which isn't funny at all, unless it's on MTV Jackass, obviously. But how is somebody meant to know whether they're being humiliated in front of a television audience when they won't even know how they got home in the morning? Exactly my point. Russell Brand, since April, has run the gauntlet of getting on the receiving end of multiple fierce nightclub beatings than you could possibly imagine. Yet, with his supremely intelligent style of humour, approaching a gang of skinheads shouldn't - and doesn't pose a problem. In fact, 99.9% of the time, Brand comes up trumps, leaving his unsuspecting victims dazed, and quite rightly, confused. Because, quite frankly, they haven't a blo
ody clue what the man's on about. It's too hard to put into words, especially for full appreciation, but imagine you're a clubber. Some ape-like bloke stumbles over to you with a camera crew and utters the line "I went to the garden centre the other day". Confused yet? He continues. "..But I found that, the garden centre wasn't in the centre of my garden at all. Have I been ripped off?". What could possibly be your response to that? When you're sober, it's hard enough to answer. Which, presumably is why the majority of comebacks to Brand's posers consist mainly of "You what, mate?", "Erm..." and "Yeah! Mental!" from clubbers, whether it be a scantily-clad girl or a bloke with fridge magnets on his chest and purple hair. But actually, that above example, whilst good, wasn't that good at all. Because resident wit Brand can - and has, done so much better. Why do I like his comic stylings so much then? His humour. It's surreal, bizarre - and most importantly, different. The man's a genius, no doubt about it.

He doesn't know it yet, but Russell Brand has probably caused more damage to the minds and lateral thinking of the nation's clubbers in just one five-minute interview than ten shots of Vodka ever could. Compelling viewing.

• MTV Dancefloor Chart. Tune in; Thursdays at 11pm, Fridays at 11pm, Saturdays at 1am and Sundays at 11pm to watch Russell Brand and his bizarrely witty, yet totally unsympathetic, ways. What's more, with weekly interviews with top DJs and city club guides, you can't go far wrong.

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