Deepest condolences (The Premiership)

Member Name: dave27

Product:	The Premiership
Date:	24/09/01 (140 review reads)
Rating:

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Disadvantages: Everything

Dearest Des,

I just thought I'd drop you a few lines to let you know how the dave27 clan are doing these days and enjoying life in the Deep North. Obviously as a nancy Southerner from Ireland, the grim lands in the Dirty North of the country are a mystery to you, but we're having a high old time.

While I'm on, I thought I'd also let you in on some concerns I've got about the way things have started to turn for you, old chap, ever since your eyes started to fail and you opted for those very dodgy bottle bottom specs of yours. We both remember so well when you were a real ladies' man and the toast of the TV watching public. I had a look at the ITV's footie website the other day -
http://www.itv-football.co.uk/features/premier ship/index.html - and reminded myself of exactly how popular you used to be. I don't know if you've read it but this is what they say about you, Dessie, old chap!

'Born in Ennis, County Clare, Des launched his illustrious career as a sports reporter for Radio Brighton in 1968. He joined BBC Radio 2 within a year, presenting Sports Report, moving to BBC Television in 1978.

'Des was the BBC's main sports anchorman for more than 20 years, presenting Match Of The Day, European Championships, World Cups, and all major sports events including the Olympics, Wimbledon and the Grand National.

'In 1985, 1987, 1988, 1993 and 1997, Des was voted Sports Personality of the Year by the Television and Radio Industries Club. He was chosen by the Radio Times and Open Air as Male Television Personality of the Year 1989, and won Royal Television Society awards in 1994 and 1998.

'He was presented the BAFTA Richard Dimbleby Award for the year's Most Important Personal Contribution on Screen in Factual Television 1994. Des was voted Top Television Presenter in 1996 in a poll to mark 60 years of BBC Television, and among his many other awards, was vo
ted the Host With The Most by the Radio Times in 1998.'

Eh, Des, bet you forgot about all that glory, didn't you? Plus what they forgot to mention is your fragrant way with the fairer sex - those sparkling eyes, that neatly coiffured hair, that calm and ice cool charm of yours. What a man you were!

I have to say, Des, that you seem to have shrunk and shrivelled these days, old man, and I believe it's those specs, my old china. Your desirable slacks and dreamy tweed jackets are as good as ever, of course, and even despite all the obvious ageing going on, it's clear that you're the best thing about your new challenge, for The Premiership is not everything you hoped. In fact, I think it's fairly appalling, old man, and it's not doing you any favours.

Oh, by the way, Des, knowing how you worry about these things, I've managed to find out the real facts behind the offside law. I know we always worry about players being close to the goal line, and interference, and advantage, but I've found the simple truth between the dark mysteries of the thing - according to David Ellerey, the baldie teacher type who earns a second crust as a referee, it's all down to whether the linesman raises his flag or not. If he doesn't it's play on, if he does it's PEEP and book the bounder for timewasting. Now that's much simpler isn't it, Dessie, old bean, and you can concentrate on looking splendid instead of worrying your pretty head about the matter. Now that's a bally relief, ain't it?

Anyway, coming back to the main theme of my little missive, Dessie, I think you made a grave error when you shipped out of the dear old Beeb in the search of Mammon. Those bounders at the ITV may have the ackers, but they don't have the feel and the tradition my dear, and the thirty pieces of silver have left you the worse off for selling your soul.

Mr Venables and Mr McCoist may be two
of the nicest chaps around, and damn good company down the pub, but somehow they don't give your new little project the gravitas that it needs. Frankly, Dessie, they come across as a barrowboy and a Barbarian and you look like their bewildered old uncle at times, blinking absent mindedly behind those enormous bins of yours.

Now tell me it's a lie if you will, old boy, but the bally website quotes you as saying: "We will be bringing some real expertise to the game. People like Terry Venables and Ally McCoist are sharp and informed but also perky personalities with a sense of humour. It's obviously not a comedy show but there will be a sense of fun. We also have some of the best commentators around plus a very experienced producer as part of ITV's formidable production team."

Who are these people like Mr Venables and Mr McCoist, and are they as bad as these two? I'm afraid your former sound judgement is fraying a little at the edges, old chap.

It's quite a shock, Dessie, to find that things are so bad because when your new masters paid out all that money to buy the rights to Premiership football, they were certainly securing one marvellous product and it seemed a simple job to just lift the format from dear old Auntie Beeb, stick it out on a Saturday night at 7 and then repeat it for the drunken yobs as they return from the pub just turned midnight, but frankly ITV don't seem to have a clue.

A couple of dodgy graphics and appalling commentators merely distract from the glory of the event and there's just somehow not the same feeling you got with Lineker and Motty and Hansen. You need to take a gander at Gray and Tyler and Sky if you want to pep things up but at present, my dear, I'm afraid you're falling between two stools. You're not managing the feel of the Beeb and Big Ron should be pensioned off, and you're not up to a high tech approach as yet.

As I said, i
t's not you, Dessie, because you're as effortless and smooth as ever, but your chums need to drop the matey salt of the earth charm and chill out a bit. Still, things could be worse, you could have that Mr Wilson there too, you know, that rather wooden chap who never knows where the cameras are pointed. Now he was shambolic.

Oh yes, and Mrs D says to watch that Venables chap, apparently he's got a bit of a dodgy rep and is wont to get people into a spot of bother with the Filth by waving around wads of dodgy bung money. Don't get drawn in, Dessie. I know you like the old moolah, but the Old Bill is watching the bounder.

Yours as ever,

dave27


PS The Premiership is ITV's flagship football programme and they have banked a lot on it. It's proving to be a great embarrassment for all concerned and there seems to be a fair head of steam behind the Beeb coming steaming in like the 7th Cavalry to rescue us all.


UPDATED Specially for those who think there ain't enough info here....

The Premiership is shown each Saturday night on ITV at about 7 and then repeated sometime after midnight. It is introduced by Des Lynam and shows highlights of all the day's Premiership matches and includes other features like Goal of the Day, Review of the next day's papers etc. Pundits include people like Terry Venables and Ally McCoist.

ITV have just snatched the rights from the BBC and have unseated the Beeb's long held monopoly on Saturday night footie. They have not done too well as yet and are generally receiving pretty bad feedback about their show, but they have signed a long term contract, so there is likely to be no changes.

They have introduced some new graphics which are confusing and gimmicky but have basically just lifted the Match of the Day format wholesale, but are struggling to match what went before, a thrity year tradition of great memories.

>Sky remains the TV channel with the best footie coverage.

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