Insert predictable joke about Keys and Holes and Peeping!! (Through the Keyhole)

Member Name: Emma1973

Product:	Through the Keyhole
Date:	13/03/04 (559 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Not a single thing

Disadvantages: Old format, Old guests, Old 'stars'

scan down to be able to read the review with capital letters intact.

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Did anyone see that Panorama programme last night? The 'what's the point of the BBC one? Unfortunately I never got to see the conclusion. Being that it was on at such a stupid time (says something about the BBC methinks!). Well critics accused it of consisting mainly of garden, antique and design nonsense, this may be true but they forgot one programme.

One that's an absolute bastion of BBC tradition, its been on so long David Frost's hair has gone from jet black to complete grey!(ok, a bit of an exaggeration!)

Of course I am talking about the legend that is 'Through The Keyhole', one of those programmes that regularly entertains the housewives at lunchtimes on BBC1, when they finally get to put their feet up from all the drudgery and have some bread and water, before going off to scrub the front door step!

But of course it wasn't always on BBC1, up until the mid 90's it was on Prime Time ITV, unfortunately dropped, we shall examine the evidence why, and taken up by BBC, but with the original members still in it.

Being at home with the little man who's a tad bit poorly, I was reduced to watching the telly with him, instead of doing all the washing and cleaning that I usually do on my day off (No, I don't always sit on the computer) Anyway, its all a tad sad now that Kilroy has gone and I have to get my regular morning fix from Trisha alone, go off and do other stuff. I finally get to sit down and have some lunch and stare at the monotony that is 'Through The Keyhole'.

Now, not having watched in a while I was astonished to find that Lloyd Grossman had gone off to pastures new, something to do with wanting to concentrate on his sauces! I still haven't decided whether this is a good or bad thing, more so than Sir David Frost, did Mr Grossman make the show. His unbelievable Mid-Atlantic accent was enough to make me want to throw something at the screen, 
9;Who lives in a house like this', 'And David, its over to yew!' being the mainstay of his vocabulary. But he did make the programme, perhaps the best way to watch it was with the sound turned off and the subtitles on! At least he's dumped the ad's for his sauces and there is no sound of his voice to be heard anywhere!
That's him out of the way, lets have a look at the show. The premise is very basic, a person looks round a persons house, checks out a few things, then its over to a panel of judges to try and guess 'Who lives in a house like this?'

Our compere is Sir David Frost, once a hard-hitting investigative journalist and hard nosed interviewer who appears to have been dumbed down to present this basic nonsense, obviously this man didn't save up enough for his retirement and is now reduced to this.

Another great this is now that Lloyd has gone Frost is no longer picking up bits of his
annoying accent!
Most likely to be found saying 'And now, its over to you at home, too see whose house this really is'
Least likely to be found saying 'You haven't guessed it.. Heres whose house it is.
Come on, give the man a payoff, let him retire in peace, otherwise its likely to be 'who lies in a coffin like this?'

Taking the place of Mr Grossman is the more aesthetically pleasing Catherine Gee, formerly of the 'A Life In The Country' series. Although she's a Yorkshire lady her accent is a lot more pleasing and understandable.

Of course the other 'stars' of the show are the judges, I say 'stars' using the term very, very loosely! Where they dig up this old lot of has-beens I have no idea! Nina Myscow was there for ages, another old stalwart appears to be Barry Cryer (Yep, he's still alive), and the likes of Toyah Wilcox, Sandy Tsovig have been panellists. But I bet you cant guess which 'celeb', a quite recent one, ke
eps popping up on this show. Oh yes, she gets everywhere, I'm fully expecting to see her face grinning from my toilet roll at some point! It can be no other than Linda Barker, what a surprise, eh? I swear the woman either has great grandiose ideas or has a massive drug habit to sustain. I bet her own husband gets fed up of seeing her on the telly!

So there's the 'stars' (more life in an old folks home I say!). These people watch as Catherine Gee has a nose round someone house. Firstly we get to see the outside, just so we can get a idea of how big the house is, so how rich the person is! We then move inside,through the rooms where several things are highlighted that may give clues. Kitchens seem to feature highly here, definitely gives a view as to whether a person is male or female. So we have our clues, i.e. collections of fish, cookery books, loads of socks, etc. could give you an idea of who the person is.

We go back to the studio where 'here, for you at home, is who's house this is'. Good Lord, its another old has-been I've never heard of, or some obscure sports person, usually jockeys for some unknown reason! The panel start asking the questions based on the clues given and the audience clap as to whether they are right or wrong. They only get around 2 questions each and then they have to guess.

Now this has to be difficult right? Well, the panel are obviously so intelligent they get it right 99.99% of the time! And of course they make it look easy? Could it be they already know the answer? I think they may well do from their completely false attitude on the telly!

Let me give you an example, nice country house, a giant carving of a fish, some horse pictures and a basket of gold sprayed pine cones, were the main clues. The panellists of course concentrated on these, and it was the inevitable Linda Barker who guessed it after her question "Is this person an expert on pine cones"?, the
audience clapped wildly, so Ms Barker said "aha, it must be................" And she was correct! (I'm not going to tell you just yet, but let you ponder!)

So out trotted obligatory person for a bit of a chat and consolations on not having won. Do you know what they get if they bamboozle the panel? A golden key, very nice for letting a film crew trample mud on your carpet, it looks suspiciously like its made of cardboard as well!

Basically this program is crap, its full of Z-list people, people who you thought were dead and people you hadn't even heard of, you cringe as you hear the panellists grab the most obscure questions and guess the people correctly.
The only reason people watch and enjoy this programme. Is that we are generally nosy as a species, we love to see what people have their houses and gloat when we realise our bathroom is bigger that theirs! Or feel the green-eyed monster as we spot the large indoor heated swimming pool with the Jacuzzi! It is voyeurism of the highest order. It really is time this programme was laid to rest, Sir David to retire to a Spanish Villa somewhere and Ms Barker to disappear into a black hole!!

Remember the clues earlier? How Linda Barker guessed it because the person was an 'expert on pine cones'? Well, have you guessed it? David Bellamy perhaps, or David Attenborough, being as they are experts on the outdoors? No, it was in fact, John Kettley the weatherman, yep the WEATHERMAN, with that extremely tenuous link I rest my case.

Summary: