Dada, Car Car, Ga Ga. (Top Gear)

Member Name: scallmorpheedy

Product:	Top Gear
Date:	08/09/05 (731 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Fills a sunday void. No brainer entertainment

Disadvantages: I find approximately 40% is incomprehensible.

Unmissable, Top Gear, to a non-driver like myself, is a wonder to behold.

Fulfilling in my life the much-needed role of a dadaist Russian sitcom produced by sixth formers, its weekly hour-long slot is filled with incomprehensible language that intermittently heralds smug guffaws from its assembly of onlookers. Inexplicably, however, I near-religiously sit and watch, transfixed with bemused satisfaction. A devotion that is almost impossible to explain, were it not for its Sunday slot

Plonked unbelievably conveniently in a plum early Sunday evening slot there is simply no alternative but to watch Top Gear. You may not like it, you may well love it but both camps must agree that it is at least better than The Royal or Heaven forbid Heartbeat.

In its latest incarnation it has at least got the benefit of being relatively upbeat and free from the Sabbath's obsession with schmaltz. Shrugging off the behind-desk formality of its past, it now opts for a cavernous studio approach. Flitting from one informal set to the next and surrounded by drooling throngs of hangers-on, it has the interactive feel of a roadshow, or trade fair all ably reigned together by its three hosts.

These three, grotesque stereotypes each one of them, form the centrepiece to the show. One a be-bungled clot with all the visible signs of acromegaly, another a trying-to-hard dwarf whos little man syndrome is manifest not by aggression but by an amphetamine-like desire for participation combined with a sartorial brief that could be described as preposterously natty. The final stereotype in the trio a louche individual with a sinister nay demonic affability.

And yet, they have some degree of chemistry. Their intrinsic competitiveness, manifest by frantic technical exchanges punctuated by overblown similes of the kind popularised by the comedy of the Oxbridge eighties, can be amusing, albeit barely masking their evident desire to man-wrestle each other –in particular the Robert Pershing Wadlow and Tom Thumb characters. They leave me thinking “good for them, they’re having fun” I’m genuinely pleased for them –I just thank god its not me. I have at least a semblance of dignity.

"But" I hear you cry. "Surely they are not the centrepieces, surely it must be the Cars or at least the Gears that the title declare so proudly as Top". Well I'm afraid not. Whilst I'm conscious of the criticism that my pedestrian eyes may miss certain vehicular nuances, I can not remember a single detail of one single car from the latest series. Instead I can recall with absolute clarity that in a car they failed to beat a marathon runner around London, they drove three fast looking cars on a beach, they were on quad bikes for a bit and then a hovercraft, they drove a snow plough thing across water and also acted as moped taxi-men. Oh and of course a host of celebrities drove a reasonably priced car quite quickly around a race-track.

This then, is for some, one of the programme’s limitations. Those actually wanting an informative review of motors may feel left short due to the lack of details. Alternatively they may be left seething at the shows endemic sense of machismo flippancy. They may also feel overlooked particular as they hear “and best of all the new Neeeooown # 3 somehow manages to come in at a measly 42k.” Worse still their car may well appear and if it does not comply with the near moronic definition of media cool it will be summarily dismissed. A colleague of mine was recently apoplectic about the ludicrous treatment doled out to his silver car. His points, I’m sure, were valid even if the details of his 15 minute lecture elude me now.

In contrast, for the disinterested- like me- this lack of excess detail is also the shows strength. The show is not really about cars –it’s about the fun of driving or more accurately simply fun. I, as I seem overly-proudly to re-iterate, am a non-driver and my view of drivers on a daily basis is one of grim looking individuals crawling at a snails pace across the Tyne bridge. Locked in their well-furnished metallic cells they toot at each other, yawn, grimace or break the monotony by chatting on their phone. Top Gear however has it in a different light. It actually look as if the humdrum inbuilt series of unconscious responses that comprises driving might actually on occasions be a bit fun. And for a committed pedestrian this might begin to change my view.

This then is major stuff. Perhaps Chris Evans, one of the stars in a reasonably etc, put it best. “I like what you guys are doing” he said relaxing on the sofa. And well he might. The show has more than one air of the TFI about it, indeed it is as near a homage to that show and the era it represented as you could possibly get. Presenters not caring what other people think, boorishly-defending their right for fun. An audience that is hypnotically transfixed by the presenters -revelling in hearing someone give voice to their own murky thoughts and feelings- or dizzily bobbing to get there face on screen.

Indeed the only deviation from the TFI mould is the music policy. Mr Louche, in the last series most tedious item, begged votes for the best ever driving song. In response a short list that was as contemporary as wooden teeth and comprised the worst selection of songs that I have ever encountered since a terrible night in a midlands rock club.

So . . . an inexplicably good show, less for content than fun. A show that despite and possibly because of its presenters will pull in those that aren’t really interested in cars.

Good on them I repeat. My only word of warning? Remember what happened to TFI

“and lets welcome tonight’s star in a reasonably priced car . . . Shaun William Ryder.”

Summary: Car show suitable for those not in the least bit interested in cars