| Product: |
Halo (Xbox) |
| Date: |
11/06/07 (91 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Good action and music
Disadvantages: repetative at higher levels and hard to use buggies
For some of you people it could suffice that Halo is simply the best First-Person-Shooter (FPS) game around, the pinnacle of the whole video game that some people think started with Castle Wolfenstein while others correctly know began with Atari's Carnival.
The game takes place in the year 2520 as Earthlings expand our realm and run into an alien race known as the covenant. Basically any colonial person who today speaks english can predict what happens. Obvioulsy it is a first person shooter game not a first person make friends and peace game. Amid some cool music that changes and adapts to the action and some neat weapons you kill off the aliens in a wide variety of terrain and environments. It is a cool game because you can get cyborgs to join you and lead an army of sorts. The game also involves vehicles that you can drive. it is a good game, but here is the real story.
I was recently put in jail for fighting Mexicans at the laundrymat again. This has sort of been a recurring problem for me. Usually my mom comes there and cries and tells me how much money she is losing by missing a friday lunch shift at Bob evans by coming to bond me out and put a guilt trip on me. Instead my mother's Uncle came and got me. He is a good enough bloke, I never trusted him, not that he did the same stuff to me as all the other so called uncles that came in and out of my life as my father's address was often a correctional in stitute while ours was a council flat. My dad did not like this Uncle and called him a spook, which was strange since that is kind of a racial slur that does not apply to him. The word was that Uncle Ralph worked for the government but he always told me he worked as an inventeor of toys and gave me cool gifts. When my dad went to prison for killing the owner of the local malt shop in a botched robbery it was very hard on me. Old ignacio was the only guy in town who could make a good chocolate shake uusing this fancy italian syrups and my dad killed him. So walking around all the kids would see me and say "hey lets go get a shake, oh that's right Camjacks' daddy killed the man who made them". It was hard on me. So Uncle ZRalph gave me the coolest bicycle ever made. It was light and shiny and indestructible, I was a husky child to say the least but with this bike I could ride off the flood wall and the slides at the playground and not break my frame or forks. I was actually well respected for the feats of danger i learned on this bike and then one day it was gone. I woke my mom up and she told me that when she came home from the volunteer fire brigade auxillay bingo night at 430 am it was gone, stolen by mexicans. So since then I have been inclined to fight Mexicans and the other kind of Mexicans called Puerto Ricans and the other kind of Mexicans called Greeks.
I do not know why my Uncle, a toy inventor got into the jail to see me outside of visiting hours but he did. He must of impressed the jailkeeper as they have been nicer to me after this. He came to me and looked at me with such shame and pity. He asked me how I was doing and I confessed that I had not been able to start a gang or race riot yet but other than that I was doing okay and had turned some cute younger guy into my wife. He then told me the truth about my bike, the game halo, bungy jumping, cornhole and pennies.
He told me that i should stop fighting Mexicans and be kind to all people and make friends across all racial boundries. I could tell this was not his real feelings but a desperate draconian move. He told me that Mexicans did not steal my bike that aliens did. I told him I knew that not all mexicans are aliens that some were born in Texas and he shouted at me and told me to shut up and listen. He said real aliens, like ET or Predator stole my bike. He went on to explain how Corsicans from Alpha Centauri were friends with us and they were helping earth to prepare to fight some people from a place called magna sephiax or something and they are called Bradissians or something and eat each others turds for a courtship ritual. He simplified it by saying that it would take these bad guys many years to get here to kill us off as if they had buses but no bus schedule that worked with quantam quarks wormholes or something. I got lost. He said in the meantime the earth has to prepare to fight them. He told me that is why we have wars to keep the military active and so people justify paying taxes for guns because we have to be ready for the aliens. He told me my bike was constructed by galusium 43 a metal alloy the nice space monsters wished to prove to Ralph and ralph had told them the best test for it would be a bike for me or something. He told me the aliens realized that I should not have such a bike and took it back, not mexicans. He also told me that he does work for a government organization so secret the CIA has never even heard of it and that his job is to train our populace to fight aliens in a round about way. He told me that bungee jumping was started to expose young men to deal with zero gravity free falls, that the game cornhole was invented by him since people do not poitch horseshoes no more and it is going to be vital we can lob anti-matter plutonical grenades or something about botanical grenades, I forget. He also said that Mario Andretti has been hired to promote the survival of the common penny, the coin, since the coin somehow foils the aliens tools and that the specific metal composition messes them up and we will all be screwed if people did not carry pennies in their pockets, it makes a force field or something, I am sorry I am not so good at science. But the most important thing he has done is get kids to play halo. He said that it is a lifelike simulation that the corsicans made but had to adapt since they only have one arm but three legs and 7 tenacles. He said that by playing Halo kids will know how to fight the monsters when they come here to take over earth that they will instinctively know how to wage combat. Ralph says that the army sponsers all the Halo tournaments all around the country. I was sad, I kind of like my odds fighting Mexicans more than space monmsters. One other thing, Ralph told me not to tell anyone about this stuff so do not run out and tell any of your friends who have big mouths
Summary: You must learn to play this game to save earth
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